Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You lost me at "most au pairs are not qualified." I find this to be a very one-sided perspective. Also, not qualified for what? Young mothers figure it out. It is not rocket science. The real issue is not that most au pairs are not qualified, but that the expectations are misaligned. Host families need to understand what they are signing up for when they enter the program. They are not getting a trained/experienced educator/nanny at affordable prices. They are getting a young person, who is hoping to have the experience of her lifetime during this year, while keeping an eye on your children. The analogy that I frequently use is to host a niece from an estranged sibling, who is coming to the states for her gap year before she starts college. You are not getting a trained educator, nanny, coach, but with some luck you are getting a person who will love your children, play with them, and will forever think back to her year with you as one of the most exciting and formative years.

Not Op, but did you read past the "most au pairs are not qualified."? OP is exactly talking about managing expectations. Most families get into the AP program without knowing what to expect and it is ok to tell them "wait, APs are not qualified childcare, you will have to teach them a lot, don't expect too much etc...".

I think OP did a good job capturing some important questions for new families considering the AP program. But as a somewhat "advanced" HM, I was hoping to read a bit more about the industry side of things since she worked in the au pair industry for years!

Anonymous wrote:You lost me at "most au pairs are not qualified." I find this to be a very one-sided perspective. Also, not qualified for what? Young mothers figure it out. It is not rocket science. The real issue is not that most au pairs are not qualified, but that the expectations are misaligned. Host families need to understand what they are signing up for when they enter the program. They are not getting a trained/experienced educator/nanny at affordable prices. They are getting a young person, who is hoping to have the experience of her lifetime during this year, while keeping an eye on your children. The analogy that I frequently use is to host a niece from an estranged sibling, who is coming to the states for her gap year before she starts college. You are not getting a trained educator, nanny, coach, but with some luck, you are getting a person who will love your children, play with them, and will forever think back to her year with you as one of the most exciting and formative years.

Anonymous wrote:How come at the end you say "drop me a line" twice?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the main flaw of this article is not raising the main issue: Yes the AP program can be a fantastic program for the right family BUT are you the right family for the program?

This article focus on finding the ''right AP'' but doesn't make mention that not all families are right for the program and that before looking for an AP one should ask themselves 3 questions.

1- Why do I feel the AP program is right for our family?
2- Do I understand that the program is a cultural program that requires us to accommodate the person we will host so she can experience the US the best she can (that includes, giving her time to study, travel, and letting her socialize/practice her English) and that there will be challenges due to cultural differences that we will have to face.
3- Are we ready to live full-time with another person? What expectations would we have of that other person whilst in our home and are those reasonable and in par with what's expected of us as a host family in this program?

Those are absolutely key question that EVERY host family should ask themselves before jumping into the AP program, if you are a bad family, you can pick the best AP of the AP pool and still end up in rematch/having a terrible time and being miserable.


The first part of the article being about how some APs are looking after toddlers and complaining about not learning English, implying that they are wrong for not knowing any better before coming, but I don't think any AP expects to become fluent by talking with their babies/toddlers (even older host kids), I think they complained about their lack of progress in English because probably their need to learn English wasn't accommodated.


I am a qualified AP, I have countless of experience with kids (childcare and teaching) and as an AP, I have more childcare experience than most parents and I ''specialize'' with newborns/toddlers, I KNEW when I signed up to be an AP to little ones that I would be an AP with 45hours schedule vs APs with older kids who do 25/30hours, which is usually the case for most APs looking after little ones, I never expected to progress in my language skill through them, if anything, it's my job to teach them my or their first language, but I do expect parents to somehow accommodate my need for (adult) social interactions after 10 hours a day spent with non-verbal kids, be it by lending me the car so I can go to a class or somewhere with friends, or just for us to catch up.

I have a fantastic family right now I wouldn't swap for the world, but I have had families, who aren't social and just won't speak to you, so you feel like an underpaid nanny walking on eggshells instead of a family friend/member helping out.

Way too many time I see APs, doing 45 hours with babies and then host parents come home and are too tired from work and want couple time and see the AP as annoyance

I am super independent personally so I adapt to all time of family and love to be out and about and joining in only once in a while if that's what suits without me feeling any type of way, but I have also been an AP more than once, and know the drill (so to say). For first time APs in can be incredibly tough though, to be made to feel like a burden, and usually couples who just have one baby and are having their first AP don't understand how hard it is to have an AP/3rd adult in the house after baby is in bed, because they were used to being a couple and now there is baby, and now even when baby is in bed there is Larla we can't really ignore and suddenly they find it annoying. So it's paramount for families to ask themselves those questions and to understand that if your AP has been with baby all day (talking to herself mostly) then it's likely she'll be wanting to talk to you and practise her english with you/watch a movie with you or will require you to help her feel socialized and like she has room to practise her English somehow.


It's also important to understand cultural differences, I have 4 siblings and I am the oldest and my mother ran a childcare from our house, so no, I am not scared nor shocked by normal kid banter/fights and noises but it didn't stop me from being completely horrified and taken aback by some of the stuff that goes on and are seen as acceptable in certain household that just would NEVER be tolerated where I am from. Parents who excuse their little darling's appalling behaviors as ''kids banter/normal kids behavior'' and totally underestimate what nightmare their kids are like to look after. I am pretty strict as in, I will join in the fun but some stuff like RESPECT are absolutely mandatory for me and being disrespectful is not something I tolerate under my watch (not saying it doesn't happen, kids are kids and will try and push boundaries, but the difference is that I REACT and put an end to it, I don't sit back and negotiate or make a joke about ''boys being boys'' or ''kids imma right?haha") yet so many parents expect APs to put up with totally unreasonable level of disrespect and almost ''feral'' kids. If you can't control your kids and you would dread to spend your day off with them and quarantine with them is your worst nightmare coming true, don't bring in an AP to do it for you, and if you do, PLEASE be honest about what ''little Johnny'' really is like and support her in implementing whatever (as long as it's non-violent) she feels will help make her life better and improve little Johnny's behavior. Be honest with yourself, would you enjoy being an AP to your own kids and if not what could be done so that your kids are more manageable/the workload won't kill your AP?


I am an adaptable AP, are you an adaptable family? Will you begrudge your AP being home a lot and doing seemingly nothing but facetime in her room and watch netflix because you underestimated how much you hate having someone in your house? Will you hate your AP for having a social life, dating guys/girls, and rarely being home past her schedule because she would rather be with her friends? Do you, as a host family, fully grasp what hosting another ADULT involve and the fact that your house will be her house for a full year and that you can't technically control what an adult does (or doesn't do) during their free time (as long as it's not damaging to you or your property). Yes finding an AP that matches your personality type (or your ideal AP type) is important BUT figuring out if hosting is the right thing for you is even more so.


The whole thing about implying it's unsafe for an AP to be alone with a baby is a bit meh. I mean sure, don't pick someone with zero baby experience if you only have a baby (which you can't do anyway), but first time moms for the most part have zero baby experience and I don't see anybody chaperoning them around in case they kill their first born due to lack of experience. APs who pick babies are usually good with babies, most others prefer older kids who they can play with. Obviously if you are considering an AP for a baby ask all the necessary questions, take the time to show her exactly what you want but also let her show you her way and what she can do and don't hesitate to rematch if you feel your AP would be better suited with an older kid and could actively endanger your baby (no point having an AP if you need to shadow her everytime she holds baby).

In other words, your article is good enough if you want to blame failure on APs but considering it's an exchange and half the blame fall on HF I would re-writing the article to emphasize how important it is to ensure both parties understand what the program is about and whether they are a good fit for it.

Wow...you have ALOT of time on your hands. Can I get the abstract?

Anonymous wrote:I think the main flaw of this article is not raising the main issue: Yes the AP program can be a fantastic program for the right family BUT are you the right family for the program?

This article focus on finding the ''right AP'' but doesn't make mention that not all families are right for the program and that before looking for an AP one should ask themselves 3 questions.

1- Why do I feel the AP program is right for our family?
2- Do I understand that the program is a cultural program that requires us to accommodate the person we will host so she can experience the US the best she can (that includes, giving her time to study, travel, and letting her socialize/practice her English) and that there will be challenges due to cultural differences that we will have to face.
3- Are we ready to live full-time with another person? What expectations would we have of that other person whilst in our home and are those reasonable and in par with what's expected of us as a host family in this program?

Those are absolutely key question that EVERY host family should ask themselves before jumping into the AP program, if you are a bad family, you can pick the best AP of the AP pool and still end up in rematch/having a terrible time and being miserable.


The first part of the article being about how some APs are looking after toddlers and complaining about not learning English, implying that they are wrong for not knowing any better before coming, but I don't think any AP expects to become fluent by talking with their babies/toddlers (even older host kids), I think they complained about their lack of progress in English because probably their need to learn English wasn't accommodated.


I am a qualified AP, I have countless of experience with kids (childcare and teaching) and as an AP, I have more childcare experience than most parents and I ''specialize'' with newborns/toddlers, I KNEW when I signed up to be an AP to little ones that I would be an AP with 45hours schedule vs APs with older kids who do 25/30hours, which is usually the case for most APs looking after little ones, I never expected to progress in my language skill through them, if anything, it's my job to teach them my or their first language, but I do expect parents to somehow accommodate my need for (adult) social interactions after 10 hours a day spent with non-verbal kids, be it by lending me the car so I can go to a class or somewhere with friends, or just for us to catch up.

I have a fantastic family right now I wouldn't swap for the world, but I have had families, who aren't social and just won't speak to you, so you feel like an underpaid nanny walking on eggshells instead of a family friend/member helping out.

Way too many time I see APs, doing 45 hours with babies and then host parents come home and are too tired from work and want couple time and see the AP as annoyance

I am super independent personally so I adapt to all time of family and love to be out and about and joining in only once in a while if that's what suits without me feeling any type of way, but I have also been an AP more than once, and know the drill (so to say). For first time APs in can be incredibly tough though, to be made to feel like a burden, and usually couples who just have one baby and are having their first AP don't understand how hard it is to have an AP/3rd adult in the house after baby is in bed, because they were used to being a couple and now there is baby, and now even when baby is in bed there is Larla we can't really ignore and suddenly they find it annoying. So it's paramount for families to ask themselves those questions and to understand that if your AP has been with baby all day (talking to herself mostly) then it's likely she'll be wanting to talk to you and practise her english with you/watch a movie with you or will require you to help her feel socialized and like she has room to practise her English somehow.


It's also important to understand cultural differences, I have 4 siblings and I am the oldest and my mother ran a childcare from our house, so no, I am not scared nor shocked by normal kid banter/fights and noises but it didn't stop me from being completely horrified and taken aback by some of the stuff that goes on and are seen as acceptable in certain household that just would NEVER be tolerated where I am from. Parents who excuse their little darling's appalling behaviors as ''kids banter/normal kids behavior'' and totally underestimate what nightmare their kids are like to look after. I am pretty strict as in, I will join in the fun but some stuff like RESPECT are absolutely mandatory for me and being disrespectful is not something I tolerate under my watch (not saying it doesn't happen, kids are kids and will try and push boundaries, but the difference is that I REACT and put an end to it, I don't sit back and negotiate or make a joke about ''boys being boys'' or ''kids imma right?haha") yet so many parents expect APs to put up with totally unreasonable level of disrespect and almost ''feral'' kids. If you can't control your kids and you would dread to spend your day off with them and quarantine with them is your worst nightmare coming true, don't bring in an AP to do it for you, and if you do, PLEASE be honest about what ''little Johnny'' really is like and support her in implementing whatever (as long as it's non-violent) she feels will help make her life better and improve little Johnny's behavior. Be honest with yourself, would you enjoy being an AP to your own kids and if not what could be done so that your kids are more manageable/the workload won't kill your AP?


I am an adaptable AP, are you an adaptable family? Will you begrudge your AP being home a lot and doing seemingly nothing but facetime in her room and watch netflix because you underestimated how much you hate having someone in your house? Will you hate your AP for having a social life, dating guys/girls, and rarely being home past her schedule because she would rather be with her friends? Do you, as a host family, fully grasp what hosting another ADULT involve and the fact that your house will be her house for a full year and that you can't technically control what an adult does (or doesn't do) during their free time (as long as it's not damaging to you or your property). Yes finding an AP that matches your personality type (or your ideal AP type) is important BUT figuring out if hosting is the right thing for you is even more so.


The whole thing about implying it's unsafe for an AP to be alone with a baby is a bit meh. I mean sure, don't pick someone with zero baby experience if you only have a baby (which you can't do anyway), but first time moms for the most part have zero baby experience and I don't see anybody chaperoning them around in case they kill their first born due to lack of experience. APs who pick babies are usually good with babies, most others prefer older kids who they can play with. Obviously if you are considering an AP for a baby ask all the necessary questions, take the time to show her exactly what you want but also let her show you her way and what she can do and don't hesitate to rematch if you feel your AP would be better suited with an older kid and could actively endanger your baby (no point having an AP if you need to shadow her everytime she holds baby).

In other words, your article is good enough if you want to blame failure on APs but considering it's an exchange and half the blame fall on HF I would re-writing the article to emphasize how important it is to ensure both parties understand what the program is about and whether they are a good fit for it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You lost me at "most au pairs are not qualified." I find this to be a very one-sided perspective. Also, not qualified for what? Young mothers figure it out. It is not rocket science. The real issue is not that most au pairs are not qualified, but that the expectations are misaligned. Host families need to understand what they are signing up for when they enter the program. They are not getting a trained/experienced educator/nanny at affordable prices. They are getting a young person, who is hoping to have the experience of her lifetime during this year, while keeping an eye on your children. The analogy that I frequently use is to host a niece from an estranged sibling, who is coming to the states for her gap year before she starts college. You are not getting a trained educator, nanny, coach, but with some luck you are getting a person who will love your children, play with them, and will forever think back to her year with you as one of the most exciting and formative years.

Not Op, but did you read past the "most au pairs are not qualified."? OP is exactly talking about managing expectations. Most families get into the AP program without knowing what to expect and it is ok to tell them "wait, APs are not qualified childcare, you will have to teach them a lot, don't expect too much etc...".

I think OP did a good job capturing some important questions for new families considering the AP program. But as a somewhat "advanced" HM, I was hoping to read a bit more about the industry side of things since she worked in the au pair industry for years!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You lost me at "most au pairs are not qualified." I find this to be a very one-sided perspective. Also, not qualified for what? Young mothers figure it out. It is not rocket science. The real issue is not that most au pairs are not qualified, but that the expectations are misaligned. Host families need to understand what they are signing up for when they enter the program. They are not getting a trained/experienced educator/nanny at affordable prices. They are getting a young person, who is hoping to have the experience of her lifetime during this year, while keeping an eye on your children. The analogy that I frequently use is to host a niece from an estranged sibling, who is coming to the states for her gap year before she starts college. You are not getting a trained educator, nanny, coach, but with some luck you are getting a person who will love your children, play with them, and will forever think back to her year with you as one of the most exciting and formative years.

Not Op, but did you read past the "most au pairs are not qualified."? OP is exactly talking about managing expectations. Most families get into the AP program without knowing what to expect and it is ok to tell them "wait, APs are not qualified childcare, you will have to teach them a lot, don't expect too much etc...".

I think OP did a good job capturing some important questions for new families considering the AP program. But as a somewhat "advanced" HM, I was hoping to read a bit more about the industry side of things since she worked in the au pair industry for years!

Anonymous wrote:You lost me at "most au pairs are not qualified." I find this to be a very one-sided perspective. Also, not qualified for what? Young mothers figure it out. It is not rocket science. The real issue is not that most au pairs are not qualified, but that the expectations are misaligned. Host families need to understand what they are signing up for when they enter the program. They are not getting a trained/experienced educator/nanny at affordable prices. They are getting a young person, who is hoping to have the experience of her lifetime during this year, while keeping an eye on your children. The analogy that I frequently use is to host a niece from an estranged sibling, who is coming to the states for her gap year before she starts college. You are not getting a trained educator, nanny, coach, but with some luck you are getting a person who will love your children, play with them, and will forever think back to her year with you as one of the most exciting and formative years.