Anonymous wrote:OP here. A few things are definitely on my mind. Saving money now versus spending it for care that’s nice to have but not need to have, extra trips for groceries as she tends to consume certain perishables at a higher burn rate, extra frustration as she continues to see her year waste away in confinement. And, to be honest, it’s hard with all of us here and unable to go anywhere. More people in the kitchen at all hours of the day. Less privacy when we’re all feeling like we need to get away.

I do think she will take the most liberal view of any and all social distancing recommendations and I’m not willing to gamble on my kids’ health, so that’s a really big factor as well. As soon as we’re no longer on lock down she’s planning her out of town trips and that’s just not something we’re thinking is reasonable given current trajectory of virus.

Make the best decision for your family. Give the AP a chance to rematch locally. Also consider what you will do for child care once you have to return to the office. But, yes, you can expect a young adult to be chomping at the bit to go out and socialize or travel once the mandatory restrictions have been lifted. I can see all of us having different personal standards for the risk we are willing to accept once stay at home is lifted and it's up to us.

OP, we let ours go- same situation as yours.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn’t you allow her to go out and travel if she is legally allowed to do so and government declares it is safe to do so?

There’s a big difference between “no longer ordered to stay at home” and “safe to travel”. She is looking to travel (fly) to all sorts of cities that are high risk areas. It’s going to be a while before we’re in “safe to travel” territory. Like several months minimum before we’re back to anything resembling normal safety for travel.

OP also said she won’t let her see local friends even after social distancing is over.

Regardless of what type of childcare she chooses to go for once this is all over (whether another AP/ Nanny or Baby-sitter) she absolutely won’t be able to control what the person who is looking after her child will do in her free time and definitely won’t be able to stop them from meeting with people/traveling on the weekends. Sending the AP home/rematching, won’t fix her issue since she said she is willing to consider taking an AP again when this is all over and will need childcare as soon as social distancing is over.



If she doesn’t want anybody to see anyone or do anything outside her house for MONTHS after lockdown/social distancing is over, then she should do the only reasonable thing and stay home.

Sure, you won't be able to control what a nanny is doing, but most nannies do not have the same types of social lives that au pairs do. The nanny we had before our AP was in her late 40s with two kids. She wasn't going to bars on the weekends.

Her husband was probably going to bars and having an affair/doing opioids; her children are in public schools bringing home germs. You cannot control the actions of an adult on their off-time. Period.

I'd let her go in your shoes.

OP, I posted at 22:10 and agree with you 100 percent on all that.

OP here. A few things are definitely on my mind. Saving money now versus spending it for care that’s nice to have but not need to have, extra trips for groceries as she tends to consume certain perishables at a higher burn rate, extra frustration as she continues to see her year waste away in confinement. And, to be honest, it’s hard with all of us here and unable to go anywhere. More people in the kitchen at all hours of the day. Less privacy when we’re all feeling like we need to get away.

I do think she will take the most liberal view of any and all social distancing recommendations and I’m not willing to gamble on my kids’ health, so that’s a really big factor as well. As soon as we’re no longer on lock down she’s planning her out of town trips and that’s just not something we’re thinking is reasonable given current trajectory of virus.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn’t you allow her to go out and travel if she is legally allowed to do so and government declares it is safe to do so?

There’s a big difference between “no longer ordered to stay at home” and “safe to travel”. She is looking to travel (fly) to all sorts of cities that are high risk areas. It’s going to be a while before we’re in “safe to travel” territory. Like several months minimum before we’re back to anything resembling normal safety for travel.

OP also said she won’t let her see local friends even after social distancing is over.

Regardless of what type of childcare she chooses to go for once this is all over (whether another AP/ Nanny or Baby-sitter) she absolutely won’t be able to control what the person who is looking after her child will do in her free time and definitely won’t be able to stop them from meeting with people/traveling on the weekends. Sending the AP home/rematching, won’t fix her issue since she said she is willing to consider taking an AP again when this is all over and will need childcare as soon as social distancing is over.



If she doesn’t want anybody to see anyone or do anything outside her house for MONTHS after lockdown/social distancing is over, then she should do the only reasonable thing and stay home.

Sure, you won't be able to control what a nanny is doing, but most nannies do not have the same types of social lives that au pairs do. The nanny we had before our AP was in her late 40s with two kids. She wasn't going to bars on the weekends.

Yes, OP, we sent our au pair into rematch for essentially the reasons you described. My husband was furloughed and will be at home with our child for at least the next couple of months. Although I have a high-paying job, we did not see any reason to incur the extra expenses for childcare while we had a parent at home. Although we think my job is stable, who knows what the world will look like a few months from now. Better to save money while we can.

Although our AP seems to understand the gravity of the situation more than your AP does, we also felt that we'd inevitably reach a point where she'd want to leave the house to have some contact with other people her age. We were not willing to continue in a living situation where we'd have to negotiate with her about whether she could see her friends. The household is only as safe as its least cautious member. It's easier for us, in middle age, not to go out. We can sit on the front porch and talk to our neighbors. Not the same situation for her.

Plus one more person in the house means more frequent trips to the grocery store, the pharmacy, etc. In other words, more risk.

Our AP has less than four months left, and we were also concerned we'd have a holdover situation if international restrictions tightened and she could not return to her home country. We did not want her staying past the end of her term.

We advised our AP that life in the U.S. was about to get very difficult, and that she should go home while she could. But she really did not want to leave and ended up rematching with another family locally. It sounded like a lot of au pairs left, and there are families out there that are desperate for childcare. If you want to let your AP go, she shouldn't have trouble rematching. But you might want to advise her that a new host family might not be willing to take on an AP who has been out and about. That was true for my AP's new family. The mom asked lots of questions about where she had been these past 2 weeks.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn’t you allow her to go out and travel if she is legally allowed to do so and government declares it is safe to do so?

There’s a big difference between “no longer ordered to stay at home” and “safe to travel”. She is looking to travel (fly) to all sorts of cities that are high risk areas. It’s going to be a while before we’re in “safe to travel” territory. Like several months minimum before we’re back to anything resembling normal safety for travel.

OP also said she won’t let her see local friends even after social distancing is over.

Regardless of what type of childcare she chooses to go for once this is all over (whether another AP/ Nanny or Baby-sitter) she absolutely won’t be able to control what the person who is looking after her child will do in her free time and definitely won’t be able to stop them from meeting with people/traveling on the weekends. Sending the AP home/rematching, won’t fix her issue since she said she is willing to consider taking an AP again when this is all over and will need childcare as soon as social distancing is over.



If she doesn’t want anybody to see anyone or do anything outside her house for MONTHS after lockdown/social distancing is over, then she should do the only reasonable thing and stay home.

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn’t you allow her to go out and travel if she is legally allowed to do so and government declares it is safe to do so?

There’s a big difference between “no longer ordered to stay at home” and “safe to travel”. She is looking to travel (fly) to all sorts of cities that are high risk areas. It’s going to be a while before we’re in “safe to travel” territory. Like several months minimum before we’re back to anything resembling normal safety for travel.

Anonymous wrote:So, what you are going to send her home when flying isn't safe? Sounds like there are more issues going on and its not the Au Pair and you are using that as an excuse.

Going home is not the only option, lot of families are looking for rematch candidates, most in country APs are maxed out of their connection with CCAP. If my AP was trying to meet friends right now I will not hesitate to rematch, especially if my youngest was 8 years old (including the financial aspects). Lot of rematch APs in CCAP are for the same reason. I know this is not a popular opinion: don't let people bully you, if you have more than 3-4 months left, rematch if you need to and reassess when the situation gets better.

So, what you are going to send her home when flying isn't safe? Sounds like there are more issues going on and its not the Au Pair and you are using that as an excuse.

Why wouldn’t you allow her to go out and travel if she is legally allowed to do so and government declares it is safe to do so?

Anonymous wrote:We’re considering leaving the program at least temporarily while the COVID situation continues. Our AP is starting to chafe at restrictions (understandably) AND we’re just not sure it makes sense to have her continue right now. Both parents are WFH and youngest kid is almost 8, so can be somewhat managed from afar/left to be more independent during work calls, etc. It feels extra challenging to have another person in the house right now while we’re all confined (and expect to be for the next 6-8 weeks).

Also, she will want to travel extensively the minute the social distancing requirements are lifted, and we are not going to be at all comfortable with that. So, she’s going to be stuck here with us and probably not loving it. She’s already a bit less interested or clear on compliance with social distancing measures (wants to meet friends) and we’re telling her we can’t allow it (literally not allowed under our area’s current stay at home order).

Last factor: employment situation. Right now both jobs are stable but one spouse has been informed of pending two week furlough and pay freeze for duration of year plus reduction of some other company benefits. So, we’re optimistic that job will remain but cautious about reality that it may not, and now might be a good time to start trimming extras like in-home childcare if we’re both here all day. Of course, if we both remain employed and social distancing ends, we will need to find childcare in pretty short order.

Would love to hear advice from others. Ugh, feels like either decision would be wrong decision.

Well, once the social distancing requirements are lifted you cannot legally make her be stuck with you - that's a crime. So, if you are really more interested in a house-slave, you should let her go.

We’re considering leaving the program at least temporarily while the COVID situation continues. Our AP is starting to chafe at restrictions (understandably) AND we’re just not sure it makes sense to have her continue right now. Both parents are WFH and youngest kid is almost 8, so can be somewhat managed from afar/left to be more independent during work calls, etc. It feels extra challenging to have another person in the house right now while we’re all confined (and expect to be for the next 6-8 weeks).

Also, she will want to travel extensively the minute the social distancing requirements are lifted, and we are not going to be at all comfortable with that. So, she’s going to be stuck here with us and probably not loving it. She’s already a bit less interested or clear on compliance with social distancing measures (wants to meet friends) and we’re telling her we can’t allow it (literally not allowed under our area’s current stay at home order).

Last factor: employment situation. Right now both jobs are stable but one spouse has been informed of pending two week furlough and pay freeze for duration of year plus reduction of some other company benefits. So, we’re optimistic that job will remain but cautious about reality that it may not, and now might be a good time to start trimming extras like in-home childcare if we’re both here all day. Of course, if we both remain employed and social distancing ends, we will need to find childcare in pretty short order.

Would love to hear advice from others. Ugh, feels like either decision would be wrong decision.