Anonymous
02/17/2020 17:44
Subject: "I eat everything," she said in the interview...
While I understand your annoyance, I have never had an OP eat the way they claimed to. I don’t expect them to eat dinner with us, but I also don’t cook especially for them.
Anonymous
02/17/2020 17:43
Subject: "I eat everything," she said in the interview...
Wow OP you sound awful!
I had some sympathy for you but it went right out the window the minute you started fat shaming.
No wonder you struggle to find an AP with an attitude like that!
I am skinny btw (as you seem to give it more value than it's worth) and I HATE sitting between carseats, it's uncomfortable and I can't really fit in comfortably. I would do it for a short journey if I had to but expecting her to do it on a regular basis is awful. I also eat terribly but I am an adult so get to eat as I please, it doesn't stop me from feeding kids healthy meals and explaining to them that adults can pick what they eat and that they will also have the privilege to do so when they reach the same age, until then they eat what they are given because the need specific food to grow.
I hope your kids aren't learning your attitude towards ''fat people'' as it's dreadful, as a family who is apparently dealing with chronic illness you are showing a severe lack of empathy towards somebody else, who like you said, came to help you, despite most people not wanting the job.
I had some sympathy for you but it went right out the window the minute you started fat shaming.
No wonder you struggle to find an AP with an attitude like that!
I am skinny btw (as you seem to give it more value than it's worth) and I HATE sitting between carseats, it's uncomfortable and I can't really fit in comfortably. I would do it for a short journey if I had to but expecting her to do it on a regular basis is awful. I also eat terribly but I am an adult so get to eat as I please, it doesn't stop me from feeding kids healthy meals and explaining to them that adults can pick what they eat and that they will also have the privilege to do so when they reach the same age, until then they eat what they are given because the need specific food to grow.
I hope your kids aren't learning your attitude towards ''fat people'' as it's dreadful, as a family who is apparently dealing with chronic illness you are showing a severe lack of empathy towards somebody else, who like you said, came to help you, despite most people not wanting the job.
Anonymous
02/17/2020 17:19
Subject: "I eat everything," she said in the interview...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP - just curious - what country is she from? Seems like a very extensive things not to eat but there have been some prior posts about APs with a "white food" type diet - sounds like you've got one of those - kind of like my 3yo! My condolences!
OP here-- I don't want to get too specific, but it's a German-speaking country. Yes, it's basically a "white food" diet. I don't really care if she doesn't eat some things, as long as it doesn't affect me or the kids. But when my kid offered her a green bean yesterday, and she said, "I don't like green beans," it made me feel like I should say something about role modeling at the dinner table. She's also hugely obese (bigger than I expected after Skyping) and doesn't have the slightest clue about nutrition (like, I had to explain to her that Coco Puffs are basically just sugary carbohydrates, and my kids can't just have 2 bowls of them on demand for an afternoon snack).
I know, you are wondering why I chose this one-- frankly, there are numerous aspects of my family (location, culture, chronic illnesses, etc.) that would make a lot of au pairs rule us out, but she was willing to choose us. But I wouldn't choose a fat one again. Way too many issues, from the crazy eating (while also telling me that diet soda is bad for me!) to her complaining that she's "hot" with the temperature set at 65 degrees at night (we turned it to 60 for her, and now my kids are constantly complaining that it's too cold), to her refusing to sit in the middle seat between the car seats (I made her do it anyway, and if she gets too fat to squeeze in there, we're done).
OP, concentrate on what you wrote there. Beggars can't be choosers. Take a deep breath, let it go, and stop all the fat shaming. (Shame on you!) We do not buy any junk food. AP is welcome to buy whatever she wants as long as she is keeping it in her room. We accommodate our APs to a certain degree, but if the AP does not like something that we cooked, she is welcome to make something else for herself. I am sure you can figure out a compromise that works for your family and for your AP.
However, if you cannot let go of the fat shaming, then please do her and favor and rematch.
Anonymous
02/17/2020 17:00
Subject: "I eat everything," she said in the interview...
Anonymous wrote:Diet soda is bad for you... but, she doesn’t need to tell you that especially since it sounds like she has terrible eating habits. I would rematch over this. It’s a clear mismatch in expectations.
Nope. A diet soda here and there isn’t bad for you, nor is a regular soda or a glass of wine. Any of those things (and really mostly anything you ingest) in excess is “bad for you”...
Anonymous
02/17/2020 16:44
Subject: "I eat everything," she said in the interview...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP - just curious - what country is she from? Seems like a very extensive things not to eat but there have been some prior posts about APs with a "white food" type diet - sounds like you've got one of those - kind of like my 3yo! My condolences!
OP here-- I don't want to get too specific, but it's a German-speaking country. Yes, it's basically a "white food" diet. I don't really care if she doesn't eat some things, as long as it doesn't affect me or the kids. But when my kid offered her a green bean yesterday, and she said, "I don't like green beans," it made me feel like I should say something about role modeling at the dinner table. She's also hugely obese (bigger than I expected after Skyping) and doesn't have the slightest clue about nutrition (like, I had to explain to her that Coco Puffs are basically just sugary carbohydrates, and my kids can't just have 2 bowls of them on demand for an afternoon snack).
I know, you are wondering why I chose this one-- frankly, there are numerous aspects of my family (location, culture, chronic illnesses, etc.) that would make a lot of au pairs rule us out, but she was willing to choose us. But I wouldn't choose a fat one again. Way too many issues, from the crazy eating (while also telling me that diet soda is bad for me!) to her complaining that she's "hot" with the temperature set at 65 degrees at night (we turned it to 60 for her, and now my kids are constantly complaining that it's too cold), to her refusing to sit in the middle seat between the car seats (I made her do it anyway, and if she gets too fat to squeeze in there, we're done).
Its perfectly fine as an adult to say no thank you. Stop buying junk food if its an issue. It is crummy to put an adult in the middle between two car seats. You sound pretty nasty and the cultural exchange is both accepting the other's culture. Its ok for kids to have cereal as a snack. Let her switch to a nicer and more loving family.
Anonymous
02/17/2020 16:05
Subject: "I eat everything," she said in the interview...
Op - you do sound pretty horrible with all the gross fat-shaming, I’m sure a lot of APs sense your bigotry. She sounds almost as awful as you, tho.
Anonymous
02/17/2020 15:50
Subject: "I eat everything," she said in the interview...
Diet soda is bad for you... but, she doesn’t need to tell you that especially since it sounds like she has terrible eating habits. I would rematch over this. It’s a clear mismatch in expectations.
Anonymous
02/17/2020 15:00
Subject: "I eat everything," she said in the interview...
She may eat everything at her home or where she lives but that is different in a different country and family.
Anonymous
02/17/2020 14:48
Subject: "I eat everything," she said in the interview...
Anonymous wrote:OP - just curious - what country is she from? Seems like a very extensive things not to eat but there have been some prior posts about APs with a "white food" type diet - sounds like you've got one of those - kind of like my 3yo! My condolences!
OP here-- I don't want to get too specific, but it's a German-speaking country. Yes, it's basically a "white food" diet. I don't really care if she doesn't eat some things, as long as it doesn't affect me or the kids. But when my kid offered her a green bean yesterday, and she said, "I don't like green beans," it made me feel like I should say something about role modeling at the dinner table. She's also hugely obese (bigger than I expected after Skyping) and doesn't have the slightest clue about nutrition (like, I had to explain to her that Coco Puffs are basically just sugary carbohydrates, and my kids can't just have 2 bowls of them on demand for an afternoon snack).
I know, you are wondering why I chose this one-- frankly, there are numerous aspects of my family (location, culture, chronic illnesses, etc.) that would make a lot of au pairs rule us out, but she was willing to choose us. But I wouldn't choose a fat one again. Way too many issues, from the crazy eating (while also telling me that diet soda is bad for me!) to her complaining that she's "hot" with the temperature set at 65 degrees at night (we turned it to 60 for her, and now my kids are constantly complaining that it's too cold), to her refusing to sit in the middle seat between the car seats (I made her do it anyway, and if she gets too fat to squeeze in there, we're done).
Anonymous
02/17/2020 14:27
Subject: "I eat everything," she said in the interview...
Tell your LCC so she is aware and you get credit for trying to resolve the issue.
Anonymous
02/17/2020 14:26
Subject: "I eat everything," she said in the interview...
OP - just curious - what country is she from? Seems like a very extensive things not to eat but there have been some prior posts about APs with a "white food" type diet - sounds like you've got one of those - kind of like my 3yo! My condolences!
Anonymous
02/17/2020 14:21
Subject: "I eat everything," she said in the interview...
So annoying, but worst for me is her attitude of "announcing" this to you - I'd say this:
"Larla we want to talk to you about food in our family. One of the reasons we were so excited to match with you was because of your willingness to eat with our family as we eat. You've just shared with us for the first time some restrictions that will be hard for us to accommodate, and I wanted to be clear with you that I am not going to be able to avoid all the foods you've just told us you 'don't eat.' You are also expected to set a good example for our kids when it comes to healthy eating. I will stock the following in the fridge for you: XX and XX. Otherwise, I will expect you to eat with our family or on your own if you must. We really value the cultural exchange and would really enjoy you joining us for dinner.
"Larla we want to talk to you about food in our family. One of the reasons we were so excited to match with you was because of your willingness to eat with our family as we eat. You've just shared with us for the first time some restrictions that will be hard for us to accommodate, and I wanted to be clear with you that I am not going to be able to avoid all the foods you've just told us you 'don't eat.' You are also expected to set a good example for our kids when it comes to healthy eating. I will stock the following in the fridge for you: XX and XX. Otherwise, I will expect you to eat with our family or on your own if you must. We really value the cultural exchange and would really enjoy you joining us for dinner.
Anonymous
02/17/2020 13:51
Subject: "I eat everything," she said in the interview...
I’d honestly just tell her that she can either work with what you have or find another family more consistent with her diet.
Anonymous
02/17/2020 12:38
Subject: "I eat everything," she said in the interview...
Did you point out that she misrepresented herself on this point?
Anonymous
02/17/2020 12:12
Subject: "I eat everything," she said in the interview...
And then, upon arrival at my house, she walked into the kitchen and announced, "I'm a picky eater." No seafood, no eggs, no vegetables, no meat with bones (!), no yogurt, nothing spicy (also from her interview: "I love Indian food" 
). She wanted sliced rotisserie chicken breast at the grocery store... when we had a rotisserie chicken in the fridge at home (with bones, obviously).
This would be so much easier if the girls weren't all coached to lie by the agencies. Had I known the truth, I wouldn't have chosen this one.
). She wanted sliced rotisserie chicken breast at the grocery store... when we had a rotisserie chicken in the fridge at home (with bones, obviously).
This would be so much easier if the girls weren't all coached to lie by the agencies. Had I known the truth, I wouldn't have chosen this one.