Is she hidding because she doesn't have a working visa ?

West Africa and Washington are two different worlds, she sounds depressed.

Definitely depression

How old is she? How fluent is her English?

Ah...
My two favorite pastimes - napping & watching YouTube in the dark.

It could be that she is bored, lonely & a little depressed.

I would give her time.

Anonymous wrote:What was she like back home? Was she a home body who knitted or was she out at clubs at night? If this is who she is that is fine. If this is a change, that is concerning.

Is there a West African community you can find? Find an activity or a restaurant from her home country and take the family to that. Help her build a community outside of you. She sounds depressed - culture shock and lose of network can do that. Just the effort to find the connection is overwhelming for people with depression. If you can do some leg work for her, that might help.

I know you don’t want to lose her but I also wonder if letter her know that you have seen such a change and if she gets home and wants to stay you understand and love her and want her to be happy.

Agree with everything said and asked here.

Sounds like depression. Poor woman (not saying this is your fault OP). Big culture shock. What family does she have back home?

What was she like back home? Was she a home body who knitted or was she out at clubs at night? If this is who she is that is fine. If this is a change, that is concerning.

Is there a West African community you can find? Find an activity or a restaurant from her home country and take the family to that. Help her build a community outside of you. She sounds depressed - culture shock and lose of network can do that. Just the effort to find the connection is overwhelming for people with depression. If you can do some leg work for her, that might help.

I know you don’t want to lose her but I also wonder if letter her know that you have seen such a change and if she gets home and wants to stay you understand and love her and want her to be happy.

strange--she's probably homesick, culture shock, enamored by screen time she may not have had when she was at home etc. Maybe a bit overwhelmed by the culture in general. I'd be prepared for the fact she might not return.

OP here: I should add that the kids are tweens and don't need constant one-on-one interaction the way smaller kids might.

Last year, my family returned from a long overseas assignment in West Africa with our first nanny, a kind woman who was our housekeeper there. She asked if she could be our nanny and we thought it was a great idea! And it mostly is.

We pay her for 40 hours a week, but really only ask her to work ten or 15 -- being present from when the kids come home from school until one of the parents gets home from work, and making dinner. She also does some light housekeeping and occasional grocery shopping. The rest of the time, she's in her room, in the dark, watching YouTube or napping. That is literally all she does.

We include her in family outings on weekends -- everything from ice skating to movies to plain old DC sight-seeing -- and she goes happily enough, but then it's straight back into her room. We've asked if she'd like to take classes or find a church; no thanks. YouTube in the dark. On the few occasions when we've come home unexpectedly in the middle of the day, that's also what she's doing -- it's not like she has a secret fun life when we're gone. She's had a health checkup and there's apparently nothing wrong physically. She's always been very quiet, and my attempts to make conversation fall very flat.

She's about to return to her home country for a long vacation, then come back to nanny for us in the summer, when she'll truly be needed because the kids won't have school. I had thought that maybe she's overwhelmingly homesick, but it turns out that she doesn't want to leave for vacation! She'd rather... sit in the dark and watch YouTube. Or nap.

My husband thinks I'm overthinking this, but -- it's strange, right?