Anonymous
01/08/2020 16:55
Subject: Wwyd-extension
APs are not moms. They don't act with as much thought, care and concern as we do. It's ok. She sounds fine to me. I've had to micromanage all my APs in different ways through the years.
As PP asked- how long have you been hosting? if you've had other APs and really feel this one is falling short of others, then move on. In my experience, if the kids are happy, then I'm happy (fwiw, I've extended twice and not extended twice)
As PP asked- how long have you been hosting? if you've had other APs and really feel this one is falling short of others, then move on. In my experience, if the kids are happy, then I'm happy (fwiw, I've extended twice and not extended twice)
Anonymous
01/08/2020 16:48
Subject: Re:Wwyd-extension
How long have you been hosting? All my APs require micromanaging. You just live with it and be specific.
How old are your kids? How often do you need her to "engage" by playing, etc? My kids are in school all day, then homework or sports, then dinner and then I am home. So no big deal that my AP doesn't play games or really get down with the kids. If my kids were younger, a different story. But most APs just don't do this, some do of course, but not many.
How is her English? We have a poor English speaker this time around, and the dynamic is SO different. We don't have much of a relationship. And I think she is afraid to be around us outside of her hours because of her English. We try to invite, but it is what it is.
Good luck. You could get a much worse AP next time around.
How old are your kids? How often do you need her to "engage" by playing, etc? My kids are in school all day, then homework or sports, then dinner and then I am home. So no big deal that my AP doesn't play games or really get down with the kids. If my kids were younger, a different story. But most APs just don't do this, some do of course, but not many.
How is her English? We have a poor English speaker this time around, and the dynamic is SO different. We don't have much of a relationship. And I think she is afraid to be around us outside of her hours because of her English. We try to invite, but it is what it is.
Good luck. You could get a much worse AP next time around.
Anonymous
01/08/2020 16:23
Subject: Wwyd-extension
If kids want to keep her, keep her. They are not little kids who need engaged. She will play with them when asked. Ultimately she is not a family member and the important thing is she does her job. You could get someone much worse.
Anonymous
01/08/2020 15:53
Subject: Wwyd-extension
5yo should get dressed when she tells him. He’s old enough to get dressed so maybe you just are helicopter parent and she wants them to be independent..
Anonymous
01/08/2020 15:45
Subject: Wwyd-extension
Anonymous wrote:Op again. There aren’t a ton of meltdowns that was more an example of her running away. In the morning she doesn’t help the kids move along. She seems to think that she can tell a 5 year old to get dressed and if they didn’t, well they didn’t listen. So I end up monitoring all of the morning rush while she basically unloads the dishwasher and packs a snack. If I ask for more help she gets flustered and starts yelling at the kids which is not helpful. So we sort of divided the tasks right now where I get the kids ready and she does the other tasks. So basically I’m a hot mess every morning when I get to work bc I’ve been running around. So for me the afternoons are working ok with the divide and conquer driving but any crunch time she is useless. I’ve tried talking to her about how to be more helpful but it just isn’t so this is the way we are get out through.
Based on this I would definitely not extend. We rematched after about 2 months with an au pair who couldn't handle the morning routine solo, because that's one of the key reasons we have an au pair. I need someone who is absolutely ON IT during crunch time, not someone I have to drag along.
Anonymous
01/08/2020 14:33
Subject: Wwyd-extension
Skirting along with a mediocre AP is not fun. If you view year 2 with more dread and/or "it will do", then do not settle. I would not extend.
Anonymous
01/08/2020 13:15
Subject: Wwyd-extension
1) I think your AP is above median and would rematch.
2) I don’t do mornings with the kids, period, even when I’m physically there. To re-set the roles, maybe try going in much earlier for a couple weeks and leave her to handle it.
2) I don’t do mornings with the kids, period, even when I’m physically there. To re-set the roles, maybe try going in much earlier for a couple weeks and leave her to handle it.
Anonymous
01/08/2020 13:12
Subject: Wwyd-extension
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Kids want to extend, I’m leaning toward no. They think she is nice and don’t like change. I like having a driver and a clean roommate. But I wish I had someone who was more proactive and engaged with the kids. Kids are in elementary school so driving is very important.
Pro:
Good driver
Packs kid snacks for school and helps clean up kitchen after breakfast
Ok with schedule changes if advanced notice
Relatively clean rooomate and pleasant personality
Does kid laundry
Nice person
Likes the kids
Cons:
Won’t do more than the minimum- and if you want her to do more you need to micromanage
Doesn’t really want to be part of the family/disappears as soon as shift is over and doesn’t come to family functions
Will play with kids only if they specifically ask for a game- otherwise she is more of an observer in their play
When the going gets tough (morning routine, meltdown she goes off to do a task that is not important for that moment rather than helping.
Thoughts?
I work from home and have had two snow days here with her and the kids. My AP is literally a potato. Does nothing. I'm working and have to direct her to engage with the kids.
Is this OP?
Anonymous
01/08/2020 12:19
Subject: Wwyd-extension
Anonymous wrote:Kids want to extend, I’m leaning toward no. They think she is nice and don’t like change. I like having a driver and a clean roommate. But I wish I had someone who was more proactive and engaged with the kids. Kids are in elementary school so driving is very important.
Pro:
Good driver
Packs kid snacks for school and helps clean up kitchen after breakfast
Ok with schedule changes if advanced notice
Relatively clean rooomate and pleasant personality
Does kid laundry
Nice person
Likes the kids
Cons:
Won’t do more than the minimum- and if you want her to do more you need to micromanage
Doesn’t really want to be part of the family/disappears as soon as shift is over and doesn’t come to family functions
Will play with kids only if they specifically ask for a game- otherwise she is more of an observer in their play
When the going gets tough (morning routine, meltdown she goes off to do a task that is not important for that moment rather than helping.
Thoughts?
I work from home and have had two snow days here with her and the kids. My AP is literally a potato. Does nothing. I'm working and have to direct her to engage with the kids.
Anonymous
01/08/2020 12:10
Subject: Re:Wwyd-extension
Forget the lists. Does the thought of her extending make you happy? If the answer is no, then don't do it. I don't know when she came, but chances are you have another couple of months left, plus an entire year after that. In my experience, things never get better in the second year. In fact, they frequently get worse. So, given that you are already leaning toward no, don't do it.
Anonymous
01/08/2020 09:55
Subject: Wwyd-extension
And if 1 kid is melting down she disappears rather than swooping in to
Help with the other 2 while I deal with the meltdown.
Help with the other 2 while I deal with the meltdown.
Anonymous
01/08/2020 09:54
Subject: Wwyd-extension
Op again. There aren’t a ton of meltdowns that was more an example of her running away. In the morning she doesn’t help the kids move along. She seems to think that she can tell a 5 year old to get dressed and if they didn’t, well they didn’t listen. So I end up monitoring all of the morning rush while she basically unloads the dishwasher and packs a snack. If I ask for more help she gets flustered and starts yelling at the kids which is not helpful. So we sort of divided the tasks right now where I get the kids ready and she does the other tasks. So basically I’m a hot mess every morning when I get to work bc I’ve been running around. So for me the afternoons are working ok with the divide and conquer driving but any crunch time she is useless. I’ve tried talking to her about how to be more helpful but it just isn’t so this is the way we are get out through.
Anonymous
01/08/2020 09:49
Subject: Wwyd-extension
If you're home in the morning, then she probably thinks you don't need her help to manage a meltdown, hence she does something else.
I am a nanny and I don't interfere in the middle of a meltdown if a parent is home.
What you can do, if you choose to extend, is to give her a weekly schedule and add in new tasks. She's the kind of person that needs checklists ...
I am a nanny and I don't interfere in the middle of a meltdown if a parent is home.
What you can do, if you choose to extend, is to give her a weekly schedule and add in new tasks. She's the kind of person that needs checklists ...
Anonymous
01/08/2020 09:36
Subject: Wwyd-extension
She likes the kids, the kids want to extend, she's a nice person and she's a good driver. I'd extend. If you want her to be more proactive, tell her how much you love her and how you want to extend but tell her you'll expect more in year 2. Be specific. Maybe even write it all down. And to lesson the blow, offer a raise so she feels like she's getting something in exchange for doing more (even though it's what she was supposed to be doing from the beginning..)
Anonymous
01/08/2020 09:00
Subject: Wwyd-extension
Kids want to extend, I’m leaning toward no. They think she is nice and don’t like change. I like having a driver and a clean roommate. But I wish I had someone who was more proactive and engaged with the kids. Kids are in elementary school so driving is very important.
Pro:
Good driver
Packs kid snacks for school and helps clean up kitchen after breakfast
Ok with schedule changes if advanced notice
Relatively clean rooomate and pleasant personality
Does kid laundry
Nice person
Likes the kids
Cons:
Won’t do more than the minimum- and if you want her to do more you need to micromanage
Doesn’t really want to be part of the family/disappears as soon as shift is over and doesn’t come to family functions
Will play with kids only if they specifically ask for a game- otherwise she is more of an observer in their play
When the going gets tough (morning routine, meltdown she goes off to do a task that is not important for that moment rather than helping.
Thoughts?
Pro:
Good driver
Packs kid snacks for school and helps clean up kitchen after breakfast
Ok with schedule changes if advanced notice
Relatively clean rooomate and pleasant personality
Does kid laundry
Nice person
Likes the kids
Cons:
Won’t do more than the minimum- and if you want her to do more you need to micromanage
Doesn’t really want to be part of the family/disappears as soon as shift is over and doesn’t come to family functions
Will play with kids only if they specifically ask for a game- otherwise she is more of an observer in their play
When the going gets tough (morning routine, meltdown she goes off to do a task that is not important for that moment rather than helping.
Thoughts?