Many of our AP's have had boyfriends and we always start with having them come to have dinner and meet the kids. If we get to know them well we will allow sleepovers when requested but we have in our handbook that we don't allow them because I'd rather be strict on this one and relax it for a good au pair with a nice boyfriend than to have to argue because I find a particular dude creepy. We did have to make a "your visitors cannot carry firearms into our home" when one AP brought home some idiot with a concealed weapons permit and a gun on his hip. Nope.

Say no. If she decide to have your bf; it's their business where to sleep together. Most of AP who have bf, sleep in their bf's apartment.

We happen to have had nice experiences with boyfriends. Those visiting abroad and those AP met locally too. We’ve been liberal with overnights so far.

I was allowed to have a long term BF from my country come and stay but he stayed in the guest room. HF said as long as he was in the guest room in the morning when the kids were up they didnt where he slept prior to that.

We broken up halfway thru my year and I started dating a Marine from 8th/I. I was not allowed to have him sleep over in general but did when they were out of town ( with their permission)
To the PP that said the BF doesnt need to sleep over if he is a resident here that is BS, My BF at the time slept in barracks housing, so for any sleepovers to happen we had to pay for a hotel which wasnt cheap on my au pair money and his allowance.
Nopt saying you have to allow sleepovers with a new BF but showing some perspective on why they might want it to happen.

We have hosted male and female APs going on 10 years.

Agree with PP that there is no reason for a female AP to have a BF at your home if they are a resident here in the US.

Our first AP or two we met BF's, but after that we made it clear we did not want to be that involved in their personal lives of who they were dating other than casual conversation.

Our male APs that ended up dating other female APs in the area did let most of them visit. In many cases, our male APs were an asset to the other host families with boys.

We switched to male APs actually after our female AP introduced us to her male AP BF...we did not allow him to sleep over (he did stay at our house when we were out of town); but he became our second AP for that year and we switched to male APs after that year.

There is no way that I want some random man (BF or not) in my house is with my kids.

Hard No. No ‘romantic sleepovers’ is in our handbook, and we also state (in the handbook) that men are not allowed in our house.

I wouldn't allow her to have him over unless you've met him and like him.

Former AP.

in our handbook--hard no. Our currrent AP has a LT BF from her country--she is mature and I'd probably allow it if he ever wanted to visit.

You’re going to get a variety of responses here. It all boils down to what you are comfortable with in your home. My AP has a boyfriend and the boyfriend has his own apartment, so they have no need to get it on at my place. If for some reason he needed to stay the night here, I wouldn’t really care as long as she asked me first. Now if I felt like he was staying the night so they could hook up because they didn’t have somewhere else to do it, I won’t be cool with it. My AP has also been with me for a year and half, so we have pretty solid foundation of trust at this point. I had another AP that did the tinder thing, and went to dudes houses to sleep with them. I let her know that wasn’t safe but if she was going to do it, she was not allowed to give out my name or address and the guys were never allowed anywhere near my home.

it is a no for us as well and we have it in the handbook. Do you have it in your handbook ? If yes, it is easier to say no and refer to it. if not, find a nicer way to say no but be prepared that she might not take it well.

Nope. We have in our handbook that “romantic sleepovers” are not allowed. I don’t think I would want a bf visiting at all, except perhaps if it was only when I was home and the purpose was just to pick up ap or meet the family. There is no need and a month-long relationship isn’t long enough for a young person with questionable judgment (because most people ap’s age have questionable judgment) to know for certain that this person is safe.

What are your thoughts/rules regarding your au pair boyfriend visits? Our au pair has been dating this guy for a month now and wants to bring him to her room/our home for visit (and am sure she’ll ask for a sleepover after a while). We like her and allow visits from her friends (two other au pairs) who frequently stay and come over, but we have very mixes feelings about this one (especially after the recent tragedy in New Jersey). Your thoughts and experience?