You would be a total douche if you gave her a curfew when she is not working the next day.
6 of our 7 aps always partied on the weekend until 5 or 6 am.

Yes, it is annoying with the door (we get a text alert and door chime) but get over it. They need to have a life of their own.

As for friends over it would be a jerk move to forbid that unless there was an issue. One of our aps started have 2-3 stay at our house every weekend and they would get ready at our house and use all the hot water for showers which got old real quick. We did not care if they crashed at night at our place, but asked to limit the 3 or 4 showers in a row.

You can place a curfew during the week. Ours is at home 7.5 hours prior to the start of her shift, which usually means midnight. This is to ensure that she is sufficiently rest to spend all day with a toddler.

You can ask her to stop inviting people over (though you haven’t said why her having friends over is problematic) but you can’t ask her to come back by a certain time. She is an adult and you can’t put a curfew on her (especially not on her time off), only on your car. Do ask her to be more considerate but if it’s the alarm that’s waking you up and not her, there isn’t much she can do.

And NO you can’t restrict her access to the house, it’s her house for the year and you can’t ask her to not have access to it for a few hours for your benefit, especially if the solution is for her to be stuck outdoors in the middle of the night (there is no guaranties other hfs could host her) and you would be incredibly unreasonable to suggest this (as would anyone who suggest you do that.)

If the alarm is the problem maybe have a look at what you can do about the sound.

We do not have a curfew for our au pair Fri-Sat, but we do have a curfew for our car (midnight). Anyway, we would prefer her to not drive when drinking and we live on a metro. We do however let her have friends sleep over whenever she wants, but she is responsible for feeding and entertaining them while they are there. We may invite both of them for brunch, but other than that, it's on her to buy snacks, take her out to eat, whatever.

My AP did this in the first few months. Now that she has a boyfriend and wants to save money for travel, she’s either away all weekend (with her boyfriend) or has sleepovers.

The sleepovers don’t bother me at all.

Getting in at 5/6am was really annoying , but I can’t say it’s anything different than what i would’ve done at the same age.

I don’t do curfews for APs on the weekends, but I do understand the annoyance and look forward to finishing the program and getting my house back in 2 years.

Anonymous wrote:I really don't know where you get these winners (losers). Do you not interview about expectations?

My 4 APs have always shown respect, because that behavior would never go over with their family at home.

This is out 5th ap and the first one who acts like this. She’s super quiet and rather meek so I expect this may be her friend dragging her along to some extent.

I really don't know where you get these winners (losers). Do you not interview about expectations?

My 4 APs have always shown respect, because that behavior would never go over with their family at home.

Anonymous wrote:Oh so the alarm would not wake you up if she got home at 2am instead of 5? I think you need to stop being jealous of her having fun. You make no sense

If it woke me at 2 it’s significantly easier to go back to sleep. Between 5-6 is close enough to when I normally get up on weekdays that it’s harder.

I’m not a bit jealous of her having fun. What I don’t like is her complaining about being tired and sick, and saying she didn’t want to go out but her friend did and then she whines about it. I can’t teach her to grow a spine but perhaps if she learned that her actions have consequences (being tired, feeling sick), then she’d come home at a more reasonable time. I can’t even think what there is to do until 5am every weekend.

Oh so the alarm would not wake you up if she got home at 2am instead of 5? I think you need to stop being jealous of her having fun. You make no sense

1. Please either be home x time, so the alarm doesn’t wake us up, or come in after y time, when we’ll be up in the morning.

2. Whether you come back or not, the car will be back by x time (as above), or car privileges will be suspended.

3. Each friend may stay over one night per month, and the expectation is that you will trade nights with them. We are not opening a hostel or restaurant.

4. If you choose to party, that’s your business. I don’t want to hear that you’re tired or don’t feel good on Monday when it’s time to work.

I think the only thing you can complain about is if it affects her performance during the week. I remember when DS was an infant, we would see her coming in while we were getting up in the morning with the baby. It just made us laugh and it didn’t impact her work at all.

Going out and having some fun doesn’t mean staying out til 5am!

Turn you alarm chime off and what is the issue with the friend staying over?
When I was an au pair we all used to stay at each others houses.

I'd talk to her if she doesn't work properly, otherwise I'd let it go. She's young and needs to go out and have fun.
It's not her fault your alarm makes some noise.
You can absolutely ask her to stop having people over, especially if she never asked for permission, that's very rude.

We don’t have a curfew for our au pair, except that she needs to use common sense and get enough rest. Every weekend since she’s been here (2.5 months) she is out until 4-6am on Friday or Saturday night. When she comes in we hear it because our door has a chime from the alarm system. She also has a friend over every weekend.
At this point is there any way I can ask her to stop staying out so late, and limit the friend staying over? It’s messing with our sleep and every Monday she has some complaint like a sore throat or just general “tired”. When I’ve noted that maybe being our very late is what’s making her sick, she just shrugs.