Anonymous wrote:I've hosted seven au pairs - the great ones are the ones that also recognize they need to connect with us, the parents, as well as the kids.

My kids are easy, all my au pairs have had great relationships with them, but when they don't recognize that the program is more than just having fun with the kids, we don't extend with them.

What did the great ones have in common other than this? Anything that you did during matching that could help a parent in the match process find this quality?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've hosted seven au pairs - the great ones are the ones that also recognize they need to connect with us, the parents, as well as the kids.

My kids are easy, all my au pairs have had great relationships with them, but when they don't recognize that the program is more than just having fun with the kids, we don't extend with them.

Bingo. Parents are not innkeepers. You need to have a relationship with us as well. Doesn't mean we have to be besties, but you can't have an attitude that you will keep us at 3 arms length either. If that's what you want, don't become an au pair---travel under a different visa program.

I've had two APs, one for one year and we didn't offer to extend, and the second just started her second year. I love almost everything about her, but I don't care for her complete lack of interest in getting to know me. My first AP was this way too and it didn't bother me as much. I spent a lot of time listening to her, asking questions, and making her feel comfortable and that AP never asked me a single question about myself (including- how was your day? ). I don't expect any AP to show the interest in me the same as the kids, but at this point I'm totally burnt out on showing interest in their lives and being treated in return like someone too separate (parental?) or too old (I am significantly older than the AP) to be able to converse with about anything other than the soccer schedule. Current AP tells my 10 year old all kinds of personal things that most 10 year olds would not care about but a HM would be happy to listen to and understand. Things like tricky relationships with step siblings, parent divorce status, etc. I have no interest in being besties- but treat me like a human instead of like some old grandma who can't possibly have anything interesting to contribute.

After our first AP who literally never once asked me a question all year, it's now in our handbook: "We are a family that talks about our day, that says please and thank you and that want a true cultural exchange". The first time our second AP asked how my day was, I was so happy!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've hosted seven au pairs - the great ones are the ones that also recognize they need to connect with us, the parents, as well as the kids.

My kids are easy, all my au pairs have had great relationships with them, but when they don't recognize that the program is more than just having fun with the kids, we don't extend with them.

Bingo. Parents are not innkeepers. You need to have a relationship with us as well. Doesn't mean we have to be besties, but you can't have an attitude that you will keep us at 3 arms length either. If that's what you want, don't become an au pair---travel under a different visa program.

I've had two APs, one for one year and we didn't offer to extend, and the second just started her second year. I love almost everything about her, but I don't care for her complete lack of interest in getting to know me. My first AP was this way too and it didn't bother me as much. I spent a lot of time listening to her, asking questions, and making her feel comfortable and that AP never asked me a single question about myself (including- how was your day? ). I don't expect any AP to show the interest in me the same as the kids, but at this point I'm totally burnt out on showing interest in their lives and being treated in return like someone too separate (parental?) or too old (I am significantly older than the AP) to be able to converse with about anything other than the soccer schedule. Current AP tells my 10 year old all kinds of personal things that most 10 year olds would not care about but a HM would be happy to listen to and understand. Things like tricky relationships with step siblings, parent divorce status, etc. I have no interest in being besties- but treat me like a human instead of like some old grandma who can't possibly have anything interesting to contribute.

Anonymous wrote:I've hosted seven au pairs - the great ones are the ones that also recognize they need to connect with us, the parents, as well as the kids.

My kids are easy, all my au pairs have had great relationships with them, but when they don't recognize that the program is more than just having fun with the kids, we don't extend with them.

Bingo. Parents are not innkeepers. You need to have a relationship with us as well. Doesn't mean we have to be besties, but you can't have an attitude that you will keep us at 3 arms length either. If that's what you want, don't become an au pair---travel under a different visa program.

I've hosted seven au pairs - the great ones are the ones that also recognize they need to connect with us, the parents, as well as the kids.

My kids are easy, all my au pairs have had great relationships with them, but when they don't recognize that the program is more than just having fun with the kids, we don't extend with them.

[u] I also have a German Au Pair. She is very strict , and my 6 year does not like it. My 6 year old’s complaints are that the au pair “makes her read for 30 minutes per day, eat her vegetables, make her bed, and clean her room. I think my child was hoping for more of a big sister, but we are very pleased with the disciplinarian

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My former AP was amazing (2yrs with us). She anticipated all of our needs. She ran the show. Just yesterday I was messaging with her and telling her my mom was coming over and she reminded me to give my mom the letter that had came to our house for her was sitting in the top kitchen drawer. She knee everything about out habits and what our kids needed. If we were out of milk, or bread or anything she went and got it without asking. She knew when all our kids tests were, sat with them going through google classroom and drilled them before each quiz and test. She didn't take any sh!t or attitude from my 8th grader and enforced the screen time rules with an iron first. She is welcome to one back and live in our home for free if she finds a job or internship here or gets the opportunity to go to school here. She is truly a 0art of the family and we all cried like babies when she went home.

She was a German machine.

She sounds amazing. I have had very bad luck with Germans and this gives me hope.

I definitely would not recommend her for babies or young children, but her love of routine, rules, and keeping order are very German traits and she did spectacular with my unruly, often mouthy older boys. I actually only match with Germans and the reason being is that they embrace having guidance and very much so want a clearly defined framework to work within, I also love how they are so direct. If they do not not like something, they tell me and also are quite comfortable with constructive criticism. I think a of Americans are put off by this , but I love being able to have a frank conversation and a "reset" without someone's feelings getting hurt.

My 13yr old, under her iron fist for homework and studying habits, got straight As 3 of our 4 quarters. If she went into google classroom and saw missing homework one week, he lost screen during the week the following week, including his cell access (which all she did was tell us to to into the Verizon app and set the restrictions to text/call only with us/her and no data whatsoever) He will tell you she is "mean" and my response is "good", she is clearly doing her job.

We have a new German AuPair who just started and we are currently in the process of helping her establish those routines. It is just my experience that when you give them a detailed map of what is expected, there is no deviation once they get into the swing. If you all are a fly by the seat of your pants family who allows the rules to be bent, it might not be such a great year.

Anonymous wrote:My former AP was amazing (2yrs with us). She anticipated all of our needs. She ran the show. Just yesterday I was messaging with her and telling her my mom was coming over and she reminded me to give my mom the letter that had came to our house for her was sitting in the top kitchen drawer. She knee everything about out habits and what our kids needed. If we were out of milk, or bread or anything she went and got it without asking. She knew when all our kids tests were, sat with them going through google classroom and drilled them before each quiz and test. She didn't take any sh!t or attitude from my 8th grader and enforced the screen time rules with an iron first. She is welcome to one back and live in our home for free if she finds a job or internship here or gets the opportunity to go to school here. She is truly a 0art of the family and we all cried like babies when she went home.

She was a German machine.

She sounds amazing. I have had very bad luck with Germans and this gives me hope.

Actually excited about the au pair year (as opposed to holding her breath and going through the motions so she could get her social life goals). Pro active. Open to feedback. In other words, the same that one would expect from a great parent as opposed to a mediocre parent.

Anonymous wrote:Always up for it!

Enthusiasm, proactive, adaptable. Knows what do when an unfamiliar situation - this could be mean figuring it out on your own, but also knowing when to ask for help!

This!

Always up for it!

Enthusiasm, proactive, adaptable. Knows what do when an unfamiliar situation - this could be mean figuring it out on your own, but also knowing when to ask for help!

My former AP was amazing (2yrs with us). She anticipated all of our needs. She ran the show. Just yesterday I was messaging with her and telling her my mom was coming over and she reminded me to give my mom the letter that had came to our house for her was sitting in the top kitchen drawer. She knee everything about out habits and what our kids needed. If we were out of milk, or bread or anything she went and got it without asking. She knew when all our kids tests were, sat with them going through google classroom and drilled them before each quiz and test. She didn't take any sh!t or attitude from my 8th grader and enforced the screen time rules with an iron first. She is welcome to one back and live in our home for free if she finds a job or internship here or gets the opportunity to go to school here. She is truly a 0art of the family and we all cried like babies when she went home.

She was a German machine.

*Someone

Some who wants to do a great job, who seeks the guidance and feedback to do so and who proactively looks for ways to engage and support your children and be helpful to you. We are incredibly lucky to have had many great au pairs over the years. Best of all, we have one right now!

Curious how my expectations compare to other host parents. What do you think makes a great au pair?