Anonymous
08/14/2019 13:20
Subject: Re:AP fighting back because we won't buy her oreos
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Where does it say that you are only expected to provide 3 meals per day? (If it does say that, I'll stand corrected). You are expected to provide room and board. I would think that most people's understanding of "Board" is that it should include reasonable access to snacks outside of meals. I guess none of you "3 meals per day" people have bro pairs. Mine probably eats about 6 meals per day (he goes to the gym to lift).
My Agency's language says "food enough for three meals a day." HF does not have to prepare the meals but there must be food enough for three meals.
Damn.. he is eating a lot.
Anonymous
08/14/2019 13:17
Subject: Re:AP fighting back because we won't buy her oreos
Anonymous wrote:Where does it say that you are only expected to provide 3 meals per day? (If it does say that, I'll stand corrected). You are expected to provide room and board. I would think that most people's understanding of "Board" is that it should include reasonable access to snacks outside of meals. I guess none of you "3 meals per day" people have bro pairs. Mine probably eats about 6 meals per day (he goes to the gym to lift).
My Agency's language says "food enough for three meals a day." HF does not have to prepare the meals but there must be food enough for three meals.
Anonymous
08/14/2019 13:09
Subject: Re:AP fighting back because we won't buy her oreos
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You should buy her the food that she wants and tell your kids to deal with it. Sounds like the problem is your kids and not the AP. She is an adult and she can choose her own food. Teach your kids that they are not allowed to eat those sugary treats.
Yes, she chooses her own snacks and should pay for her own snacks, she is an ADULT. That's what adults do. You should ask me to buy your snacks.
Actually, most ADULTS provide all of their own food, but this particular adults has signed up for a program that is supposed to provide her room and board. I realize that this is getting away from the intent of the original post, but I'm shocked that there are host families who don't think that they should provide snacks for their au pair.
OP never said snacks weren't available. OP just doesn't want to buy sugary junk and had already disclosed this in her handbook prior to matching.
You might need to go over your whole handbook. You don't know what else she's just "missed" in her inability to understand or lack of motivation to bother reading it.
Anonymous
08/14/2019 12:50
Subject: Re:AP fighting back because we won't buy her oreos
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You should buy her the food that she wants and tell your kids to deal with it. Sounds like the problem is your kids and not the AP. She is an adult and she can choose her own food. Teach your kids that they are not allowed to eat those sugary treats.
Yes, she chooses her own snacks and should pay for her own snacks, she is an ADULT. That's what adults do. You should ask me to buy your snacks.
Actually, most ADULTS provide all of their own food, but this particular adults has signed up for a program that is supposed to provide her room and board. I realize that this is getting away from the intent of the original post, but I'm shocked that there are host families who don't think that they should provide snacks for their au pair.
Anonymous
08/14/2019 12:46
Subject: Re:AP fighting back because we won't buy her oreos
Where does it say that you are only expected to provide 3 meals per day? (If it does say that, I'll stand corrected). You are expected to provide room and board. I would think that most people's understanding of "Board" is that it should include reasonable access to snacks outside of meals. I guess none of you "3 meals per day" people have bro pairs. Mine probably eats about 6 meals per day (he goes to the gym to lift).
Anonymous
08/14/2019 12:36
Subject: Re:AP fighting back because we won't buy her oreos
Anonymous wrote:You should buy her the food that she wants and tell your kids to deal with it. Sounds like the problem is your kids and not the AP. She is an adult and she can choose her own food. Teach your kids that they are not allowed to eat those sugary treats.
Yes, she chooses her own snacks and should pay for her own snacks, she is an ADULT. That's what adults do. You should ask me to buy your snacks.
Anonymous
08/14/2019 12:31
Subject: AP fighting back because we won't buy her oreos
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We've on AP #4 and never encountered this before. Our AP is pissed because we won't buy her certain things that we don't want in the house (Count Chocula cereal, Oreos). We've never had a problem with this before. Before anyone says we're just being cheap, it's not that. Our kids are huge sugar fiends and we really don't want to have them eating this stuff. If the AP buys it herself we just say it's hers. It's in our handbook that we don't buy treats like this but I don't think AP read it. We also do not just give extra money as we buy all the other items she specifically requests for the week.
Anonymous
08/14/2019 12:31
Subject: AP fighting back because we won't buy her oreos
Anonymous wrote:We've on AP #4 and never encountered this before. Our AP is pissed because we won't buy her certain things that we don't want in the house (Count Chocula cereal, Oreos). We've never had a problem with this before. Before anyone says we're just being cheap, it's not that. Our kids are huge sugar fiends and we really don't want to have them eating this stuff. If the AP buys it herself we just say it's hers. It's in our handbook that we don't buy treats like this but I don't think AP read it. We also do not just give extra money as we buy all the other items she specifically requests for the week.
Since when Oreos is a meal? Your are expected to provide three meals. They can use their stipend to buy their favorite snacks. I provide meals and dessert if I am serving dessert because its part of the "meal."
I do not provide specialty items, snacks and alcohol.
Anonymous
08/14/2019 12:21
Subject: AP fighting back because we won't buy her oreos
She keeps the Oreos in her room away from the kids.
No...?
No...?
Anonymous
08/14/2019 12:06
Subject: Re:AP fighting back because we won't buy her oreos
I hear you, OP. And understand where you are coming from, especially since this is something that you mention in your handbook. However, given that it now became an issue, it’s not about who is right, but what are you going to do about it? Just like with your children, your colleagues, or any other social interactions, you have to pick your battles. If this is a big enough issue for you, then stand your ground, point to the handbook, get the LCC involved if needed. Alternatively, you can let it go, give your AP $20 a month for her Oreos, tell her to keep them in her room and away from the kids, and call it a day.
Anonymous
08/14/2019 11:18
Subject: Re:AP fighting back because we won't buy her oreos
I normally try to be helpful and not rude on here, but I have to say, I find this post ridiculous.
To OP, if you are annoyed that she didn't read your handbook (or didn't understand) or are annoyed at the way she reacted to not getting what she wants and you want to rematch over those things, you are certainly within your right to do so. And you are certainly within your rights to forbid Oreos in your house if you want to do so.
However, if you want to move past this with your AP and want her to stay, then just buy the damn Oreos and tell the kids that they are the AP's and off limits. Or, if she needs to buy them herself to keep your kids away (which seems to be what you indicated in your post), then just give her some cash to do so. You say that you don't give extra money because you buy everything else, but to not give a few extra dollar per week here (where you seem to be ok with her buying these things herself) does make you sound cheap.
To the 11:02 poster, you let your 3 year old get things out of the pantry her/himself? (Maybe try putting things you don't want them to know about on a high shelf) And to the continual whining question, I think you need to teach your children to respect what is not theirs.
To OP, if you are annoyed that she didn't read your handbook (or didn't understand) or are annoyed at the way she reacted to not getting what she wants and you want to rematch over those things, you are certainly within your right to do so. And you are certainly within your rights to forbid Oreos in your house if you want to do so.
However, if you want to move past this with your AP and want her to stay, then just buy the damn Oreos and tell the kids that they are the AP's and off limits. Or, if she needs to buy them herself to keep your kids away (which seems to be what you indicated in your post), then just give her some cash to do so. You say that you don't give extra money because you buy everything else, but to not give a few extra dollar per week here (where you seem to be ok with her buying these things herself) does make you sound cheap.
To the 11:02 poster, you let your 3 year old get things out of the pantry her/himself? (Maybe try putting things you don't want them to know about on a high shelf) And to the continual whining question, I think you need to teach your children to respect what is not theirs.
Anonymous
08/14/2019 11:02
Subject: Re:AP fighting back because we won't buy her oreos
This is not the right forum to be making this complaint. The nanny troll is going to make fun of you for being cheap and what else would you expect from an underpaid, practically enslaved foreign worker?
That being said, I understand completely. Our AP shared Pringles from her room with our two kids yesterday and I was annoyed. There's a reason why I don't buy them and turn a blind eye to our "no food eaten in the house other than the dining areas/kitchen" policy for the APs that hide the junk in their room. No, a "special shelf in the pantry" doesn't cut it. My curious 3 year old is not going to "respect" an unopened treat in an easily accessible pantry shelf and I don't want to hear the continual whining of "why can't I have an Oreo?"
Is your LCC a good one that would support you? Maybe AP just needs another view (i.e., the LCC confirming that a HF does NOT have to buy an AP Oreos whenever she desires).
That being said, I understand completely. Our AP shared Pringles from her room with our two kids yesterday and I was annoyed. There's a reason why I don't buy them and turn a blind eye to our "no food eaten in the house other than the dining areas/kitchen" policy for the APs that hide the junk in their room. No, a "special shelf in the pantry" doesn't cut it. My curious 3 year old is not going to "respect" an unopened treat in an easily accessible pantry shelf and I don't want to hear the continual whining of "why can't I have an Oreo?"
Is your LCC a good one that would support you? Maybe AP just needs another view (i.e., the LCC confirming that a HF does NOT have to buy an AP Oreos whenever she desires).
Anonymous
08/14/2019 10:59
Subject: Re:AP fighting back because we won't buy her oreos
Why not give her a small amount of money for 'treats' while asking her not to eat it in front of the kids?
Or a shelf with things that are only for her? I get not wanting sugary treats in the house but it seems there are ways around this if the kids don't touch it if she buys it.
Or a shelf with things that are only for her? I get not wanting sugary treats in the house but it seems there are ways around this if the kids don't touch it if she buys it.
Anonymous
08/14/2019 10:57
Subject: Re:AP fighting back because we won't buy her oreos
You should buy her the food that she wants and tell your kids to deal with it. Sounds like the problem is your kids and not the AP. She is an adult and she can choose her own food. Teach your kids that they are not allowed to eat those sugary treats.
Anonymous
08/14/2019 10:50
Subject: AP fighting back because we won't buy her oreos
We've on AP #4 and never encountered this before. Our AP is pissed because we won't buy her certain things that we don't want in the house (Count Chocula cereal, Oreos). We've never had a problem with this before. Before anyone says we're just being cheap, it's not that. Our kids are huge sugar fiends and we really don't want to have them eating this stuff. If the AP buys it herself we just say it's hers. It's in our handbook that we don't buy treats like this but I don't think AP read it. We also do not just give extra money as we buy all the other items she specifically requests for the week.