If you hire a nanny with a few years of experience, you won’t need to “train” them. Just show them where everything is from the obvious like diapers and wipes, to the not as obvious like TP and soap refill. The rest will fall into place on its own.

OP, her reasons for leaving don't matter, so you should stop overanalyzing them. She's done, period. Five years at her age is a long time. I can completely understand wanting to move to be with siblings, especially if it's in a country with a lower COLA.

It sounds like you either need to 1) convince her to stay for a few more weeks to allow the kids to settle into their new routines with school, plus a week of overlap for a new nanny, or 2) cut your 3-week trip short, and return to allow some overlap at the end of August.

She has given you notice and it is absolutely none of your business why she has chosen to leave. Nannies are not your personal property.

You don’t need to train a nanny with experience but tell them about your children, expectations and current schedule. You can even have the nanny write out the schedule to share with a prospective candidate during the interview or email it to them while you’re away (if you offered then the position). You also have 5 weeks to find a nanny. Post something on here and/or care.com and you’ll have at least 20 candidates (probably more) by the end of the week. Before your vacation, spend one week hosting phone interviews and the next week, in-person interviews. The ones you like, try to meet with them before you leave. I’m sure you’ll have a few day in between the return of your vacation and when you go back to work and while, it may be stressful, you’ll have a piece of mind (and will be able to relax) knowing you have secured childcare for your children. It will be okay op. People leave jobs everyday and I’m sure nanny still gave you the required notice if not longer.

How much of an increase did you offer for infant care? I suspect it was too low, considering the huge responsibility.

I know how parents tend to focus on how the older one will be at school, but that’s not how the nanny sees it when the nanny is still always responsible for the older child on sick days, vacations, etc.

I’d offer her a better increase, and ask her to reconsider. Maybe at least until Jan or even June. Good luck with this. It’s indeed especially important for your older child.

I was with my nanny family for 5 years when baby #2 was born. MB was so annoying on maternity leave that I almost quit. She was close to firing me. Once she went back to work and stopped micromanaging me (she told me how to open a bottle of soap!) all was well and I’m glad I didn’t quit. Possibly your nanny is unhappy with the new baby role and maternity leave.

Ask her to stay longer. Make your life easier and be forgiving. It sounds like your nanny hurt your feelings by leaving. You need to let it go.

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I am not the OP of the other thread. Some similarities but not the same person.

I stated above that she is moving to be closer to family - which is her brothers and sisters - who live back in her home country. Her children are staying in the US, so I think it's a little strange she is leaving them.

I do think there is a change she is no longer happy, but if that is the case I wish she had been honest. Since my older child has been in school for the past 3 years (although it wasn't full day) she had a ton of free time without much to do. Now that there is a baby in the picture and I have been having her watch the baby while I hang with the older one this summer, I think she may not love going back to being "on" 24/7.

At the end of the day I think this change could be a good thing, it's just the worst timing possible.

What I am trying to figure out is whether it's time to cut ties now and let it go, or try to make things a bit easier by asking her to stay longer.

Your child will not simply “cut ties”. Let go of your anger, OP, and make this easy and happy for your child. You have to let go of your hard feelings about this and choose the best path for your child and for yourself.

OP here, I am not the OP of the other thread. Some similarities but not the same person.

I stated above that she is moving to be closer to family - which is her brothers and sisters - who live back in her home country. Her children are staying in the US, so I think it's a little strange she is leaving them.

I do think there is a change she is no longer happy, but if that is the case I wish she had been honest. Since my older child has been in school for the past 3 years (although it wasn't full day) she had a ton of free time without much to do. Now that there is a baby in the picture and I have been having her watch the baby while I hang with the older one this summer, I think she may not love going back to being "on" 24/7.

At the end of the day I think this change could be a good thing, it's just the worst timing possible.

What I am trying to figure out is whether it's time to cut ties now and let it go, or try to make things a bit easier by asking her to stay longer.

Anonymous wrote:Didn’t you just start a thread about this?

She definitely did.
Her last post had many contradictions, as does this one.
Nanny is moving to be closer to family, but then OP claims nanny is moving back to her home country where she doesn’t have family?

On the flip side, do you think she could be unhappy in her job & may just be using “moving” as an excuse to leave since it is a little odd for her to go back to her native country?

You clearly had a great nanny for five years. Honor that and her relationship with your child by making the parting as sweet and loving as possible. You will find someone great - August is a great time to find a new nanny.

That’s tough, but it’s hard to understand and accept that the nanny is doing what may be best for her at the expense of your family. This may take some time, but remember she has been with for five years and I’m sure loves each of you and isn’t personal towards any of you.

Not sure what your notice period amount is as I do think two is super short (still very acceptable)—makes this transition seem rushed.

If you feel as though you have an open and warm relationship with your nanny (prior) you could certainly ask if there is anyway she stay on a bit longer so you have more time find a nanny and possibly overlap before you head back to work. Even ask, if your nanny would be willing to help write something up (to help with the older) and even potential “train”—not necessary.

Most importantly, start looking NOW! This board, liservs, recommendations and even agencies are great! This is also a good time to snag veteran nannies whose littles will be headed off to full-time now too.

In fact, I know a few great ones who are looking too!

Best of luck!

This will all work out!!!

Didn’t you just start a thread about this?

Feeling really frustrated and sad... my nanny of 5 years just told us she is planning to move to be closer to her family at the end of August. She started with my now 5 year old when she was just 3 months old, and we just had a second baby 3 months ago. DH and I had already discussed that we wanted her to stay on for another 5+ years since she has been so amazing for our family. We discussed her raise going from one child to two and she seemed very happy. She told us just a month ago that she absolutely wants to stay with us long term and loves the kids so much.

Fast forward to this morning when she tells me she has decided to leave. She has lived here for 25 years and always talked about how she never wanted to leave and would never go back to her home country, so I really don’t get it. Her kids don’t live there, just her brothers and sisters.

Other than being blindsided, the timing could not be worse since we already gave her the last 3 weeks in August off since we are going away. So basically she gave me 2 weeks’ notice to find a new nanny - I would honestly expect more from a long time employee like this who is practically part of the family. Even more complicated is the fact that I have been on maternity leave and scheduled to go back the day after Labor Day and there is no way I can extend any further since 4 months is the max you can take at my company. So not only do I have to find a new nanny ASAP, but I don’t even know how/when I could possibly train them since I have to return to work right away. And it’s going to be a huge transition for my older one especially who I have been spending a ton of time with while on leave, so I am not only going back to work but also her long time caregiver is leaving as she goes into kindergarten at a new school.

Part of me is pissed and just wants to let her go in two weeks (so I don’t have to pay for the 3 weeks off), but I feel so sad for my older child and was thinking maybe it’s best to try to see if she can stay on a couple more weeks to help with the start of school and training someone new.

What would you do here? Really torn.