Anonymous
07/26/2019 06:33
Subject: Thank you for being annoying (just a vent...)
Op, so to be clear she has a car or walkable public transit? Connect her with a church- if she is practicing a particular faith. Yoga classes? Running groups?
If I don’t have anyone to see a movie with, tickets for 2 isn’t helpful.
I get that you are feeling suffocated- but she’s also likely a kid/teen. Be the adult.
If I don’t have anyone to see a movie with, tickets for 2 isn’t helpful.
I get that you are feeling suffocated- but she’s also likely a kid/teen. Be the adult.
Anonymous
07/26/2019 01:51
Subject: Thank you for being annoying (just a vent...)
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:She is living in your home. She should not be told she cannot be there all the time as that is now her home too. Not everyone is outgoing or social. To tell he rot get out of the house every day is obnoxious. Maybe she cannot afford to go out as she's sending her money back home or another reason. Don't host in your home if you don't actually want someone there.
You've clearly never had one of these bump on a log APs, or you are a bump on a log yourself. They are the worst. I will never again match with an introvert I'd rather one come home falling down drunk than a hermit.
If you don't invite her to meals or encourage her to come out of her room, she probably picks up on your unwanted, you are only here for child care vibe and knows she needs to hang out in her room.
Anonymous
07/25/2019 20:12
Subject: Thank you for being annoying (just a vent...)
Anonymous wrote:She is living in your home. She should not be told she cannot be there all the time as that is now her home too. Not everyone is outgoing or social. To tell he rot get out of the house every day is obnoxious. Maybe she cannot afford to go out as she's sending her money back home or another reason. Don't host in your home if you don't actually want someone there.
You've clearly never had one of these bump on a log APs, or you are a bump on a log yourself. They are the worst. I will never again match with an introvert I'd rather one come home falling down drunk than a hermit.
Anonymous
07/25/2019 12:34
Subject: Re:Thank you for being annoying (just a vent...)
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Ask you LCC (if they're a decent one) for a mediation meeting.
Be diplomatic about wanting "AP to meet friends and get the most out of her American experience."
We had an introvert that basically stayed home all weekend, washed her hair, and did laundry. Our LCC told her she now had to get out once a weekend and LCC would ask her what she did recently at the next cluster meeting. LCC also gave her a list of suggestions of stuff to do (like websites to look for events in DC, etc.)
8 months is a looooong time to have your AP drive you nuts.
They told her she HAD to leave the house? That’s terrible!
LCC look for flags of depression and this is one of them. So, yeah, encouraging them to get out, asking another AP to call and make plans (even if they're not close) ...
Yes, LCC told her she had to leave. It was still up to AP on whether it was just for a walk, going to the Starbucks or grocery store within a 1mi walk, or actually doing something like going into DC. Otherwise, she basically stayed in her room all weekend long and only came out to go to the bathroom or do some laundry. She didn't even spend time in the kitchen making meals or getting herself things to eat unless she was waiting until we were gone. So no, this was not healthy behavior. It took her 6 months until she found a friend from her home country and started going out more. If we had known that all she needed was someone from her country (which is not a big AP country) rather than trying to get her to do things with other APs in the cluster or other APs from her continental region, we would have searched until we found one to set her up with in her first month....
Sounds like our 1st AP. She waited for us to leave in the am before coming upstairs to eat breakfast and went to her room the very second she was off the clock. Made one friend the entire time she was with us. We muddled through the year but now we look for APs who are more extroverted.
If they are hiding in their room, maybe you have said or done something to make them uncomfortable. How sad for her she feels she can only eat or be in other areas of the house when you are gone.
Anonymous
07/25/2019 12:33
Subject: Thank you for being annoying (just a vent...)
She is living in your home. She should not be told she cannot be there all the time as that is now her home too. Not everyone is outgoing or social. To tell he rot get out of the house every day is obnoxious. Maybe she cannot afford to go out as she's sending her money back home or another reason. Don't host in your home if you don't actually want someone there.
Anonymous
07/25/2019 11:50
Subject: Re:Thank you for being annoying (just a vent...)
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Ask you LCC (if they're a decent one) for a mediation meeting.
Be diplomatic about wanting "AP to meet friends and get the most out of her American experience."
We had an introvert that basically stayed home all weekend, washed her hair, and did laundry. Our LCC told her she now had to get out once a weekend and LCC would ask her what she did recently at the next cluster meeting. LCC also gave her a list of suggestions of stuff to do (like websites to look for events in DC, etc.)
8 months is a looooong time to have your AP drive you nuts.
They told her she HAD to leave the house? That’s terrible!
LCC look for flags of depression and this is one of them. So, yeah, encouraging them to get out, asking another AP to call and make plans (even if they're not close) ...
Yes, LCC told her she had to leave. It was still up to AP on whether it was just for a walk, going to the Starbucks or grocery store within a 1mi walk, or actually doing something like going into DC. Otherwise, she basically stayed in her room all weekend long and only came out to go to the bathroom or do some laundry. She didn't even spend time in the kitchen making meals or getting herself things to eat unless she was waiting until we were gone. So no, this was not healthy behavior. It took her 6 months until she found a friend from her home country and started going out more. If we had known that all she needed was someone from her country (which is not a big AP country) rather than trying to get her to do things with other APs in the cluster or other APs from her continental region, we would have searched until we found one to set her up with in her first month....
Sounds like our 1st AP. She waited for us to leave in the am before coming upstairs to eat breakfast and went to her room the very second she was off the clock. Made one friend the entire time she was with us. We muddled through the year but now we look for APs who are more extroverted.
Anonymous
07/25/2019 10:25
Subject: Re:Thank you for being annoying (just a vent...)
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Ask you LCC (if they're a decent one) for a mediation meeting.
Be diplomatic about wanting "AP to meet friends and get the most out of her American experience."
We had an introvert that basically stayed home all weekend, washed her hair, and did laundry. Our LCC told her she now had to get out once a weekend and LCC would ask her what she did recently at the next cluster meeting. LCC also gave her a list of suggestions of stuff to do (like websites to look for events in DC, etc.)
8 months is a looooong time to have your AP drive you nuts.
They told her she HAD to leave the house? That’s terrible!
LCC look for flags of depression and this is one of them. So, yeah, encouraging them to get out, asking another AP to call and make plans (even if they're not close) ...
Yes, LCC told her she had to leave. It was still up to AP on whether it was just for a walk, going to the Starbucks or grocery store within a 1mi walk, or actually doing something like going into DC. Otherwise, she basically stayed in her room all weekend long and only came out to go to the bathroom or do some laundry. She didn't even spend time in the kitchen making meals or getting herself things to eat unless she was waiting until we were gone. So no, this was not healthy behavior. It took her 6 months until she found a friend from her home country and started going out more. If we had known that all she needed was someone from her country (which is not a big AP country) rather than trying to get her to do things with other APs in the cluster or other APs from her continental region, we would have searched until we found one to set her up with in her first month....
Anonymous
07/25/2019 06:59
Subject: Re:Thank you for being annoying (just a vent...)
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Ask you LCC (if they're a decent one) for a mediation meeting.
Be diplomatic about wanting "AP to meet friends and get the most out of her American experience."
We had an introvert that basically stayed home all weekend, washed her hair, and did laundry. Our LCC told her she now had to get out once a weekend and LCC would ask her what she did recently at the next cluster meeting. LCC also gave her a list of suggestions of stuff to do (like websites to look for events in DC, etc.)
8 months is a looooong time to have your AP drive you nuts.
They told her she HAD to leave the house? That’s terrible!
LCC look for flags of depression and this is one of them. So, yeah, encouraging them to get out, asking another AP to call and make plans (even if they're not close) ...
Anonymous
07/25/2019 01:01
Subject: Re:Thank you for being annoying (just a vent...)
Curious, OP, what her home life is like back home?
Anonymous
07/24/2019 23:10
Subject: Re:Thank you for being annoying (just a vent...)
Anonymous wrote:Do you know what her hobbies are? Could you maybe "gift" her a weekend exercise, cooking, or some other type of class based on her hobbies?
In my experience, these usually don’t work. Introverts don’t change and she will be like this all year.
You can tell her that you want your space and alone time but it might hurt her feelings. If you can’t live like this, then just rematch.
Anonymous
07/24/2019 23:03
Subject: Re:Thank you for being annoying (just a vent...)
Do you know what her hobbies are? Could you maybe "gift" her a weekend exercise, cooking, or some other type of class based on her hobbies?
Anonymous
07/24/2019 22:03
Subject: Re:Thank you for being annoying (just a vent...)
Anonymous wrote:Ask you LCC (if they're a decent one) for a mediation meeting.
Be diplomatic about wanting "AP to meet friends and get the most out of her American experience."
We had an introvert that basically stayed home all weekend, washed her hair, and did laundry. Our LCC told her she now had to get out once a weekend and LCC would ask her what she did recently at the next cluster meeting. LCC also gave her a list of suggestions of stuff to do (like websites to look for events in DC, etc.)
8 months is a looooong time to have your AP drive you nuts.
They told her she HAD to leave the house? That’s terrible!
Anonymous
07/24/2019 21:49
Subject: Thank you for being annoying (just a vent...)
We have been hosting since 2007. Our matched AP will be our final. The program has changed. AuPairCare in Annapolis is horrible for support and knows their aupairs are awful. They just keep passing them around in rematched.
Most now just want your car, phone, rent free room and limited outside work hours with your family because of their independence and cultural exchange.
I know it’s a sweeping generalization or we wouldn’t be Hosting again, but really, the current climate of applicants who want soooo much more than they should expect, well, its offputting. I don’t want to adopt another teenager for a year.
Most now just want your car, phone, rent free room and limited outside work hours with your family because of their independence and cultural exchange.
I know it’s a sweeping generalization or we wouldn’t be Hosting again, but really, the current climate of applicants who want soooo much more than they should expect, well, its offputting. I don’t want to adopt another teenager for a year.
Anonymous
07/22/2019 11:12
Subject: Re:Thank you for being annoying (just a vent...)
Ask you LCC (if they're a decent one) for a mediation meeting.
Be diplomatic about wanting "AP to meet friends and get the most out of her American experience."
We had an introvert that basically stayed home all weekend, washed her hair, and did laundry. Our LCC told her she now had to get out once a weekend and LCC would ask her what she did recently at the next cluster meeting. LCC also gave her a list of suggestions of stuff to do (like websites to look for events in DC, etc.)
8 months is a looooong time to have your AP drive you nuts.
Be diplomatic about wanting "AP to meet friends and get the most out of her American experience."
We had an introvert that basically stayed home all weekend, washed her hair, and did laundry. Our LCC told her she now had to get out once a weekend and LCC would ask her what she did recently at the next cluster meeting. LCC also gave her a list of suggestions of stuff to do (like websites to look for events in DC, etc.)
8 months is a looooong time to have your AP drive you nuts.
Anonymous
07/19/2019 21:08
Subject: Thank you for being annoying (just a vent...)
My husband and I have been debating whether this is our last AP or not. We have now decided...YES. The last one.
We are 4 months in and she is great with the kids and helps around the house...perfect. The problem is that she doesn't have any interest in a life outside our family. It's the first time in 8 years of hosting that an AP has had no interest in making friends. We had one other introvert who only had a couple of friends and stayed in her room a lot. This one wants to hang out with us. ALL THE TIME. We have given her movie tickets for 2, tried to set her up with other APs who our last AP was friends with for kid playdates. NOPE.
She is sweet and lovely and I feel so guilty for feeling so annoyed. I am ready to have our house back for ourselves. I am ready to have a private conversation with my husband without hiding in the bedroom.
We are 4 months in and she is great with the kids and helps around the house...perfect. The problem is that she doesn't have any interest in a life outside our family. It's the first time in 8 years of hosting that an AP has had no interest in making friends. We had one other introvert who only had a couple of friends and stayed in her room a lot. This one wants to hang out with us. ALL THE TIME. We have given her movie tickets for 2, tried to set her up with other APs who our last AP was friends with for kid playdates. NOPE.
She is sweet and lovely and I feel so guilty for feeling so annoyed. I am ready to have our house back for ourselves. I am ready to have a private conversation with my husband without hiding in the bedroom.