Anonymous
07/20/2019 12:06
Subject: Soon to be ex causing problems with nanny
The ex needs to use his words and let the nanny know where things stand.
Sounds like she has had a lot of patience for people who quite frankly, don't deserve it. She must really love the child to put up with it all.
Sounds like she has had a lot of patience for people who quite frankly, don't deserve it. She must really love the child to put up with it all.
Anonymous
07/20/2019 11:55
Subject: Soon to be ex causing problems with nanny
Anonymous wrote:What on earth does the new girlfriend have to do with this though? If anything he is trying to be with his son more alone without another adult being in charge of his child now that he doesn’t live with him full time. That’s a good thing. He wants to be the parent when it’s his time to have your child.
Sounds like he prefers more of an occasional sitter maybe for driving (that of course still should be paid if canceled on) instead of a nanny for an 8 year old. If he works from home it’s understandable why he doesn’t feel the necessity of an adult standing guard over such an aged kid if he’s around but just on his computer or a conference call. Kids that age know how to entertain themselves and get snacks etc and if they need help, the dad is home.
He is showing that this is something that’s not needed on his end and your nanny should’ve started looking for a different position a long time ago. He could’ve been more professional about it and shown some appreciation for the lady that has helped raise his kid the last 4 years but I see no issue with him not wanting a nanny around.
You honestly think his treatment of this nanny is good? Wow.
Anonymous
07/20/2019 11:38
Subject: Soon to be ex causing problems with nanny
Anonymous wrote:Unless you can afford to pay her full-time by yourself, Say goodbye to the nanny and help her find a new job. Put your kid in aftercare. DH wants to spend his money on his new girlfriend, not his kid. That makes him a bad father but there’s not a lot you can do about it.
You read waaaaaay too much into this. Makes me wonder if you’re the OP replying to yourself to sway answers. He doesn’t need after care and a kid shouldn’t have to be at school longer than necessary or with hired help if the DAD can be around. Him spending money on the girlfriend is completely irrelevant. Who thinks a man is a “bad father” for not using after school programs because he can be around himself? The child is 8 not a toddler that can’t get a juice from the fridge themselves. Op just wants to trash the husband due to a bitter divorce and because he has a gf. They both have put this nanny through hell but the nanny should’ve moved on. Who gets migraines over this and keeps doing it instead of updating their resume?
Anonymous
07/20/2019 11:31
Subject: Soon to be ex causing problems with nanny
What on earth does the new girlfriend have to do with this though? If anything he is trying to be with his son more alone without another adult being in charge of his child now that he doesn’t live with him full time. That’s a good thing. He wants to be the parent when it’s his time to have your child.
Sounds like he prefers more of an occasional sitter maybe for driving (that of course still should be paid if canceled on) instead of a nanny for an 8 year old. If he works from home it’s understandable why he doesn’t feel the necessity of an adult standing guard over such an aged kid if he’s around but just on his computer or a conference call. Kids that age know how to entertain themselves and get snacks etc and if they need help, the dad is home.
He is showing that this is something that’s not needed on his end and your nanny should’ve started looking for a different position a long time ago. He could’ve been more professional about it and shown some appreciation for the lady that has helped raise his kid the last 4 years but I see no issue with him not wanting a nanny around.
Sounds like he prefers more of an occasional sitter maybe for driving (that of course still should be paid if canceled on) instead of a nanny for an 8 year old. If he works from home it’s understandable why he doesn’t feel the necessity of an adult standing guard over such an aged kid if he’s around but just on his computer or a conference call. Kids that age know how to entertain themselves and get snacks etc and if they need help, the dad is home.
He is showing that this is something that’s not needed on his end and your nanny should’ve started looking for a different position a long time ago. He could’ve been more professional about it and shown some appreciation for the lady that has helped raise his kid the last 4 years but I see no issue with him not wanting a nanny around.
Anonymous
07/20/2019 10:38
Subject: Soon to be ex causing problems with nanny
Your poor nanny,
Your ex sounds vile.
Your ex sounds vile.
Anonymous
07/19/2019 15:09
Subject: Soon to be ex causing problems with nanny
Anonymous wrote:Yes, good idea PP.
Thank you.
OP
She should have guaranteed hours with you. It sounds like flexibility is working for her, which is extremely rare, so stick with that and guarantee her 20/30/40 (whatever she is accustomed to) hours per week and give her her schedule at least a week in advance, to be honored without changes.
Anonymous
07/19/2019 11:19
Subject: Soon to be ex causing problems with nanny
Yes, good idea PP.
Thank you.
OP
Thank you.
OP
Anonymous
07/19/2019 11:09
Subject: Soon to be ex causing problems with nanny
Anonymous wrote:That's the issue, he is using her it seems as and when he needs.
So he will say he wants to keep her on but will pull crap like cancel on her when it suits him.
I think I am going to talk to him and say if he does cancel, he needs to pay her and if not, we will have to let her go as it isn't fair.
She's been wonderful and deserves better treatment from him.
Instead of saying you need to let her go (making it something you are doing to him or something he has control over) you should frame it as, she has a new policy of expecting payment whether or not you cancel, and if you both don’t follow it, she’s going to quit.
Anonymous
07/19/2019 11:08
Subject: Soon to be ex causing problems with nanny
Anonymous wrote:That's the issue, he is using her it seems as and when he needs.
So he will say he wants to keep her on but will pull crap like cancel on her when it suits him.
I think I am going to talk to him and say if he does cancel, he needs to pay her and if not, we will have to let her go as it isn't fair.
She's been wonderful and deserves better treatment from him.
Ask him if he is willing to sign a contract with guaranteed hours and benefits, otherwise she should find a better job.
Anonymous
07/19/2019 10:51
Subject: Soon to be ex causing problems with nanny
That's the issue, he is using her it seems as and when he needs.
So he will say he wants to keep her on but will pull crap like cancel on her when it suits him.
I think I am going to talk to him and say if he does cancel, he needs to pay her and if not, we will have to let her go as it isn't fair.
She's been wonderful and deserves better treatment from him.
So he will say he wants to keep her on but will pull crap like cancel on her when it suits him.
I think I am going to talk to him and say if he does cancel, he needs to pay her and if not, we will have to let her go as it isn't fair.
She's been wonderful and deserves better treatment from him.
Anonymous
07/19/2019 10:41
Subject: Soon to be ex causing problems with nanny
I would assume that he does not want to use her any longer and move forward in that direction. Right now you are depending on him to keep your nanny and you can no longer rely upon him for this or anything else. He will handle his own childcare and you will need to do the same. Is your nanny legal? Can she find a better job; one that offers guaranteed hours, benefits, and a contract? I hope that you realize just how much you have taken advantage of her “flexibility” over the past 4 years and give her an extremely generous severance, as well as a proper letter if recommendation followed up with any phone referrals she needs.
Anonymous
07/19/2019 10:32
Subject: Soon to be ex causing problems with nanny
He is 'working from home' when he cancels on her.
She's a lovely woman and deserves better. I can't control what he does. I just feel angry and sad.
She's a lovely woman and deserves better. I can't control what he does. I just feel angry and sad.
Anonymous
07/19/2019 09:57
Subject: Soon to be ex causing problems with nanny
I don’t understand. What is he doing for childcare when he cancels?
Anonymous
07/19/2019 09:54
Subject: Soon to be ex causing problems with nanny
Unless you can afford to pay her full-time by yourself, Say goodbye to the nanny and help her find a new job. Put your kid in aftercare. DH wants to spend his money on his new girlfriend, not his kid. That makes him a bad father but there’s not a lot you can do about it.
Anonymous
07/19/2019 08:28
Subject: Soon to be ex causing problems with nanny
We have a nanny and its quite a casual arrangement but she looks after DS who is now 8 and has done so for 4 years.
My ex and I split last year and nanny now works between the two homes.
She spoke to me yesterday very upset saying that soon to be ex keeps cancelling her shifts and saying he will cover them. He has a very important job but has a lot of time to socialise and work from home. She said she feels unappreciated and upset to be treated like this which is totally understandable.
Apparently he is also giving her vague answers as to whether she is needed for the new school year or not and she said it is really worrying her.
I have tried contacting him about this but he ignores my texts and seems to do the same to nanny. He is very wrapped up in his new life and girlfriend. Where do I go from here? Our nanny is wonderful and loves DS like her own. She keeps getting stress migraines and I worry its because of this situation.
Please advise me.
My ex and I split last year and nanny now works between the two homes.
She spoke to me yesterday very upset saying that soon to be ex keeps cancelling her shifts and saying he will cover them. He has a very important job but has a lot of time to socialise and work from home. She said she feels unappreciated and upset to be treated like this which is totally understandable.
Apparently he is also giving her vague answers as to whether she is needed for the new school year or not and she said it is really worrying her.
I have tried contacting him about this but he ignores my texts and seems to do the same to nanny. He is very wrapped up in his new life and girlfriend. Where do I go from here? Our nanny is wonderful and loves DS like her own. She keeps getting stress migraines and I worry its because of this situation.
Please advise me.