The rules of the program clearly state that the AP can only watch your children. That said, APs and HFs break this rule all the time - play dates, babysitting on the side, cousins coming to visit for a bit, etc.

AP is 100% in her rights to refuse this, I personally don't like to bend the rules because I don't want anything to backfire on me. Sounds like your AP was OK with this until another AP informed her that she was being taken advantage of. So it's up to you what to do - if you have a good relationship you can explain what I did above, and that you understand if she wants to say no. Maybe reassure her that it's a one time thing.

Anonymous wrote:This is grey area. You can’t tell her she must watch the cousin because she is working for you and is there to watch your kids. Not your nephew’s. For those talking about playdates it works the same. You can’t make her to watch other kids if she doesn’t feel comfortable.
The question is what are you gonna do if she refuses to watch him? Rematch? Agency will be on her side in this.

Thank you for agreeing with me!
The cousin is there for 2 weeks, few hours a day. It’s not a 1 or 2 hour play date.
With a lot of play dates sometimes the other nanny or mom is there, and if not, the parents need to realize that some nanny is watch8mg the kid and not the mother. I know it sounds like a play date and she knows the cousin, but still, don’t ask her to take care of him for 2 weeks for at least a few hours a day. The agency will say no, they don’t want to get into trouble as well. Imagine what would shown during a lawsuit
What are you going to say?
Oh, I had her watch my nephew for 2 weeks, unpaid, no extra money, it was just a play date
As a nanny I always think about possible lawsuits
she was hired to watch your children and paid a weekly salary each week no matter if she works 0 or 40 hours

Anonymous wrote:This is grey area. You can’t tell her she must watch the cousin because she is working for you and is there to watch your kids. Not your nephew’s. For those talking about playdates it works the same. You can’t make her to watch other kids if she doesn’t feel comfortable.
The question is what are you gonna do if she refuses to watch him? Rematch? Agency will be on her side in this.

+1. Do people do it? Yes. Is she allowed to refuse? Also yes

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this against the rule? if yes what rule, can she point you to it? I am don't know. I mean if your nephew is your responsibility for two weeks, I assume AP should take care of them as well. It is almost like you get a new addition to the family/adoption an AP says No.
Let assume there is not rule about that, I think you should tell your AP that she said yes which is probably the reason you had the cousin comes, so it is unfair to you that she will backtrack because she talked to one friend. But again if this is really against the rules there is nothing you can do about that.

APs are not supposed to watch other kids.

And no, having a cousin stay with the family for 2 weeks is not the same as adoption. Don't be insulting.

Insulting to who?

To families formed by adoption that have to go through major hoops, and whose children go through loss of their birth family. It’s not just inviting a kid over for two weeks

This is grey area. You can’t tell her she must watch the cousin because she is working for you and is there to watch your kids. Not your nephew’s. For those talking about playdates it works the same. You can’t make her to watch other kids if she doesn’t feel comfortable.
The question is what are you gonna do if she refuses to watch him? Rematch? Agency will be on her side in this.

Anonymous wrote:Former AP here
I don’t think she’s supposed to be watching other kids
Other kids = other rules= other panrents....
Her job are your kids, no matter if it’s 1 or 40 hours a week, that’s what you signed up for.
I’m a nanny and I would not watch somebody else’s kid, especially for safety reasons. I don’t know the kid, the parents, what if something happens to cousin in the pool?
No, but thanks.
The way you talk is very insulting.
I hope she won’t do it or she’ll call the agency.
What is the matter with you people? You think you can just throw kids into the house and have APs watch them too? It’s more of a safety concern than money

What is your safety concern? Ap knows this cousin. Cousin doesn’t have any medical issues and is the same age and ability as one of my kids. When cousin is in my home he follows my family rules. Period. When you were an au pair did you never supervise your charges playing with friends?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this against the rule? if yes what rule, can she point you to it? I am don't know. I mean if your nephew is your responsibility for two weeks, I assume AP should take care of them as well. It is almost like you get a new addition to the family/adoption an AP says No.
Let assume there is not rule about that, I think you should tell your AP that she said yes which is probably the reason you had the cousin comes, so it is unfair to you that she will backtrack because she talked to one friend. But again if this is really against the rules there is nothing you can do about that.

APs are not supposed to watch other kids.

And no, having a cousin stay with the family for 2 weeks is not the same as adoption. Don't be insulting.

Insulting to who?

I’m not going to rematch over this, that’s silly. She’s going to do it because there isn’t an alternative.

Au pairs aren’t supposed to watch other kids. So if one of my kids is having a play date or sleepover au pair isn’t allowed to watch that other child? That’s essentially what this is, except it is a relative she knows quite well (we see them frequently, she’s spent a lot of time with him in the past 10 months), and one of my kids is away so the number of kids is the same.

Former AP here
I don’t think she’s supposed to be watching other kids
Other kids = other rules= other panrents....
Her job are your kids, no matter if it’s 1 or 40 hours a week, that’s what you signed up for.
I’m a nanny and I would not watch somebody else’s kid, especially for safety reasons. I don’t know the kid, the parents, what if something happens to cousin in the pool?
No, but thanks.
The way you talk is very insulting.
I hope she won’t do it or she’ll call the agency.
What is the matter with you people? You think you can just throw kids into the house and have APs watch them too? It’s more of a safety concern than money

Anonymous wrote:Is this against the rule? if yes what rule, can she point you to it? I am don't know. I mean if your nephew is your responsibility for two weeks, I assume AP should take care of them as well. It is almost like you get a new addition to the family/adoption an AP says No.
Let assume there is not rule about that, I think you should tell your AP that she said yes which is probably the reason you had the cousin comes, so it is unfair to you that she will backtrack because she talked to one friend. But again if this is really against the rules there is nothing you can do about that.

APs are not supposed to watch other kids.

And no, having a cousin stay with the family for 2 weeks is not the same as adoption. Don't be insulting.

When is the cousin coming? Maybe you should threaten to rematch, I mean she works 15h/week, and one kid is gone and the cousin is staying with you guys and she can't help? she is being ridiculous! If she had said no from the beginning that will be something else but yeah, I am sure she doesn't want to rematch two months before the end over that but what does she want you to do? Maybe ask her what she suggest since cousin is coming anyway...

Anonymous wrote:She wants more money. Give her a token $100.

Really? She’s working @15 hours/wk right now instead of her usual 30-40... I’ve given more money throughout the year when she’s gone above and beyond but this isn’t really that time.

She wants more money. Give her a token $100.

Is this against the rule? if yes what rule, can she point you to it? I am don't know. I mean if your nephew is your responsibility for two weeks, I assume AP should take care of them as well. It is almost like you get a new addition to the family/adoption an AP says No.
Let assume there is not rule about that, I think you should tell your AP that she said yes which is probably the reason you had the cousin comes, so it is unfair to you that she will backtrack because she talked to one friend. But again if this is really against the rules there is nothing you can do about that.

Our au pair has been with us for 10 months and we’ve had a very good relationship. Our eldest dc is at sleepaway camp for a month this summer and one of dc’s cousins (who is the same age as our middle dc, 8) is coming to visit and stay with us for 2 weeks. AP knows the cousin pretty well and has spend time with him over the past 10 months. She said she has no problem watching cousin along with our other 2 kids, and it’s not any “more” work for her than usual
Because one of our kids is away.

Well, ap apparently talked to a friend who in her words “freaked out” about ap watching the cousin and now ap is saying she doesn’t think she should do it because it is against the rules. Never mind that the kids are going to camp until 4pm so “watching” the kids is hanging out with them in our pool, helping with dinner and bedtime, and possibly babysitting 1-2 nights while the cousin is here. Wwyd? AP is working significantly less than usual hours, basically 3-4 hours/day, and is taking several long weekends/vacations this month. I’ve definitely noticed shes gotten a little lazy recently and I know she’s looking forward to going home (though she does still seem happy here and loves our kids).

How do you all handle aps watching other kids, especially family members?