Set the stage yourself with new AP. If the new AP asks about work schedule and neighborhood, she's a keeper. If she asks about how generous you are as a HF or gets caught up in the dynamics of the current APs relationship with your family, then she's not your next AP anyway.

(I always ask my "old" AP about the kinds of questions the new candidate asks.)

Yeah unfortunately you have to give the contact. I gave the contact of our AP who hated me and it still worked out fine — I was able to hire the next AP. She talked to one or two candidates who still wanted the job, and ultimately never responded to the girl who took the job. Like another poster said, you don’t want someone watching your kid who is naive enough (or desperate enough) not to check references. Just make yourself available to follow up after the call. Or preempt the surprise by emailing that you don’t have a good relationship and offer reasons why. Be honest of course but control the narrative.

Anonymous wrote:First timer. Haven't had the best experience with our AP. We have both made mistakes and have learned and persevered but...I am not keen on having future APs talk with current AP as part of the interview process. While we have moved through our own issues, current AP is upset because she'd like to extend and I am not offering that. I was open to it at the beginning, but not now. I gave her a positive reference highlighting what she does well. I am reluctant to let future APs talk with her yet not facilitating their request makes it appear that I am hiding something. I could use some suggestions! Thanks!

You sound like you ARE hiding something.

Anonymous wrote:Are you new to this? This is standard. I wouldnt want an AP foolish enough to consider taking a job that isn't smart enough to contact the current and former APs.

The first 2 words on my post are "first timer" so yes, I am new to this. Read well or try being nice.

Are you new to this? This is standard. I wouldnt want an AP foolish enough to consider taking a job that isn't smart enough to contact the current and former APs.

You gave her a positive reference. You need to trust that your AP will do the same. If your prospective AP is scared off, then good riddance for not questioning or asking you about what your outgoing AP said.

That being said, we've lucked out with APs not bothering to ask when we were in rematch. While we do have a former (successful) AP, I would not want to connect a prospective AP with an outgoing (because of rematch) AP.

It will be hard to match if you do not grant access to former ap.
Not impossible- just depending on the agency challenging. I would be honest with your candidates like you wrote - you made some mistakes as first time family and have learned from them.
We have had 5 aps. Our 6th spoke with 3 of them! We make all available to our final selections, and actually value our previous aps input to who they like/think would be good.

I’m sure you would want to talk with host parents if you would interview extension au pair. If au pair refused, would you still consider her to be au pair for your kids without references? I’m sure you wouldn’t. It works the same way for au pairs.

Depending on your AP’s nationality, prospective APs may find your current ap whether you want it or not so this may not . I’d wait until you are pretty sure you want to match with someone and then tell them why you’re not extending and that you think this might affect what the ap says about you. And then let the chips fall.

I don’t think you need to stress about this too much.

If you dont let them talk to her, they will assume you are a bad HF

You don't have to let prospective APs talk to your current AP but if that means they won't match with you (because they will think that you are hiding something) there is nothing you can do about it.

You need to let her talk to the current AP. You can tell the candidate that you chose not to extend and why. If you have had any nannies maybe they can talk as well.

We always let perspective candidates talk to current and former au pairs. I think it’s part of the process. I would think that all candidates expect it.

First timer. Haven't had the best experience with our AP. We have both made mistakes and have learned and persevered but...I am not keen on having future APs talk with current AP as part of the interview process. While we have moved through our own issues, current AP is upset because she'd like to extend and I am not offering that. I was open to it at the beginning, but not now. I gave her a positive reference highlighting what she does well. I am reluctant to let future APs talk with her yet not facilitating their request makes it appear that I am hiding something. I could use some suggestions! Thanks!