Our au pairs usually leave the table when done, clear their own stuff, but unload the dishwasher in the mornings. They very occasionally help clean pots and pans after dinner, but we make clear that they need to pick a general chore, like unload the dishwasher, to do on a regular basis to help out.

My Au Pair cooks most dinners Monday-Friday. She loves cooking and does a good job. So generally, husband and AP clear the table and I clean up all the dishes, pots, pans etc. Husband cleans up kids and AP will head off to her room. I'm glad to hear we aren't the only family that values sitting down at the table as a family (AP included). It seems like a lot of families don't do this.

We often split the clean-up between the two adults who didn't cook. An easy way to do that is one person clears their plate and then starts on the kitchen, the other clears their plate and then starts on the table. Kids clear their plates and maybe some food items. If we're not cleaning up right away, like the kids require both parents' attention, the AP usually clears the table (food put away, refrigerated items back in the fridge, wipe it down at the end) and then leaves the kitchen side of the cleanup (pots and pans, etc) for us. It ends up feeling like a pretty reasonable division of labor.

Ours would (and were expected to) pitch in with clean-up, assuming they ate with us. Moreover, these were our bonding times, when we exchanged what we did during the day, weekend plans, discussed world events. If the AP had a class or a friend coming and needed to leave, we would excuse her, but generally this was after our dinner time.

We take turns....in our house usually my husband cooks so AP and I take turns cleaning up the kitchen. If I did it last night I will just say to her "it's your turn to clean up after dinner". The kids clear the table.

Our APs have eaten dinner with us most weekday nights and usually on Sunday nights as well. I cook so they split cleaning up with DH. I do help but I am clear (with Dh and AP) that i don’t want to be left with the bulk of the work. Every ap in 12 years has recognized that assisting in cleaning up is a fair expectation and done it cheerfully.

No AP has ever gotten up from a family meal before everyone is done and dinner is clearly over. I would not allow this in my home - from ap or kids. That is rude behavior, and it would not fly with us.

Op, I think you will need to be clear about what you want on the first few days. We have had APs who asked to help on day one and APs who needed to be told to help. This is all part of training. The more you tell ap specifically how to be successful in your household, the better the chance that she will become successful.

Anonymous wrote:30-45 minutes for eating dinner is a LONG time for an at home dinner. I would expect many APs to feel done after about ten minutes. Maybe you could have some set tasks that are her responsibility that she can complete before dinner is totally done?

Ok that is not a bad idea,I will have to think about it. But how is 30 minutes a long time for a home dinner? You got 3 adults and 3 children who needs to eat.

30-45 minutes for eating dinner is a LONG time for an at home dinner. I would expect many APs to feel done after about ten minutes. Maybe you could have some set tasks that are her responsibility that she can complete before dinner is totally done?

We ask APs to do their share, just as they would at home. That means cleaning her own plate, helping to put away the condiments, and doing whatever needs to be done until it’s all done (if I’m wiping a pan, she’s wiping the table). We make that very clear from the beginning.

If she’s considerate she will help as a member of the HH regardless of whether or not she’s on the clock. If she’s an average AP, she will get up while you are still eating, clear her plate, and say thx snd disappear. The second scenario is still legit, just disappointing

Anonymous wrote:Ours have varied a lot. At minimum, they clear their own dishes and put them in the dishwasher. At most, they help clear everyone's stuff, put food away, load the dishwasher, wash dishes, etc. It's depended a lot on the maturity and personality of the au pair. We make sure they know that the "extras" aren't required but are very much appreciated.

This has been our experience as well. Some APs did the bare minimum and went to their room/out as soon as they could. Others were there until the kitchen was clean.

Is she required to eat with you? Then shes on the clock and you can ask her to help. If she’s not on the clock and eats with you, you can ask her to help do 1/3 of the work. But you shouldn’t plan on it, since she may or may not eat with you.

Ours don’t do anything other than clear their own plate off the clock. I do ask them to start dinner on the clock (e.g. text in the metro home to start rice and preheat the oven.)

Ours have varied a lot. At minimum, they clear their own dishes and put them in the dishwasher. At most, they help clear everyone's stuff, put food away, load the dishwasher, wash dishes, etc. It's depended a lot on the maturity and personality of the au pair. We make sure they know that the "extras" aren't required but are very much appreciated.

My new AP will be working till 615pm 3 days/week and till 330pm 2 days/week. We eat dinner between 6-615pm. What should I expect her to help out with after dinner (assuming she is having dinner with us, I will be cooking all dinner)? Dinner is usually over between 645-7pm, then I go put baby to bed while Husband starts cleaning up, after that DH goes put toddler to bed and I come back downstairs and finish cleaning up. Reading the house rules template I got from the agency, APs are expected to help setup and cleanup after dinner, but how does it work in real life? especially if they are already off for the day, what is a valid expectation?

TIA