Your house on Monday should be as clean as the nanny leaves it on Friday. No toys to pick up and, under no circumstances, no dirty dishes or dirty clothes or any adult mess to contend with.

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for the advice, I agree with you on getting hubby more involved, it would help me to have his true perspective and yes maybe he would also be really bothered by it and get where I am coming from.

To the person who posted before, Every Sunday I clean up the toys so there is minimal mess. Sometimes there are dishes in the sink but I don't stress myself over that anymore because they are contained. She is really insistent on me making a weekly menu for my child so I take time to do that (admittedly sometimes on Monday morning) but it also baffles me that she doesn't feel comfortable making her meal up after this long, she knows what she eats! To be honest, I don't think it's appropriate to have the house be a fall hazard when a nanny shows up for work Monday nor do I think it's appropriate to leave family clothes/undergarments around but I don't think it's the end of the world for a nanny to help with toy clean up. Weekends with the family are really stressful on working moms and sometimes you're just exhausted by Sunday, especially if you're pregnant.

I also take time to write a daily activity calendar for the week (per her request).

I appreciate all the advice, I'll have a sit down and directly address the mood issue.

You’re wrong, OP. You should give your nanny a “clean canvas” on Monday mornings. You are there all weekend with your husband - your nanny is alone with your child. It isn’t right to ask her to clean up your weekend mess. I write this as the employer of a nanny. Being pregnant is no excuse as I assume your husband is able-bodied.

Thank you for the advice, I agree with you on getting hubby more involved, it would help me to have his true perspective and yes maybe he would also be really bothered by it and get where I am coming from.

To the person who posted before, Every Sunday I clean up the toys so there is minimal mess. Sometimes there are dishes in the sink but I don't stress myself over that anymore because they are contained. She is really insistent on me making a weekly menu for my child so I take time to do that (admittedly sometimes on Monday morning) but it also baffles me that she doesn't feel comfortable making her meal up after this long, she knows what she eats! To be honest, I don't think it's appropriate to have the house be a fall hazard when a nanny shows up for work Monday nor do I think it's appropriate to leave family clothes/undergarments around but I don't think it's the end of the world for a nanny to help with toy clean up. Weekends with the family are really stressful on working moms and sometimes you're just exhausted by Sunday, especially if you're pregnant.

I also take time to write a daily activity calendar for the week (per her request).

I appreciate all the advice, I'll have a sit down and directly address the mood issue.

16:37 here. Perhaps it's time for your husband to be more engaged in the day to day relationship w/ the nanny.

It may not change things with your nanny but it could certainly help your marital dynamic (and help you manage nannies going forward) if he experiences what you're dealing with day to day.

My husband used to think I was being short-tempered or petty - until he started managing more of the day to day. Then it turned out that he was even more bothered than I, and that's when we really started working well as a team. So you could change those dynamics whether or not you change nannies. And perhaps your nanny would respond well (or differently) to broadening her contact w/ her employers.

Presumably you are working full-time, so approach this relationship as professionally and unemotionally as you would handle more conventional workplace dynamics. And don't take it all on yourself - IMO there is zero reason your husband shouldn't be engaging w/ the nanny more regularly.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi parents and nannies,

I need some advice on our nanny who is fairly moody.

She's been with our little one since she was an infant, my LO is a toddler now. She is good with her, my LO generally likes her, and she is safe. She handles her laundry and dishes and toy cleanup.
She has a good per hour rate for our area, this includes the $2/year annual raise we gave her plus 2 weeks PTO, a few sick days PTO, X-mas and b-day bonus, paid days when we decide to go on vacation and paid snow days.

She often comes in once or twice a week in a bad mood. Doesn't want to listen to weekend updates about my toddler, snaps at me about weird unimportant things.
It's getting to be a drag because it ruins my mood and I feel my toddler is picking up on her bad mood and suddenly starts acting fussy. I am expecting again and she wanted to stay on but I'm wondering how to address this. I've done check ins with her and she says everything is fine and then addresses a few things she would like for us to do as parents and we always comply.

Thanks for your advice ahead of time.

Are you leaving her a mess of dishes, laundry and a messy child’s room on Mondays?

I am a nanny who dreaded Mondays with my former position because there would be no milk or food for my charge’s lunch, dirty clothes all over the floors of the bedroom and bathroom - sometimes the mother’s underwear and clothes, dishes all over the counter and sink, every book they read over the weekend on the floor along with every toy the child played with. It was oppressive and so difficult to hit the ground running on a Monday morning.

Have an open discussion with your child’s nanny and see what is going on.

This. Your nanny may have a reason for her mood - either you or something in her personal life. Ask her. If she says there is nothing then tell her she must present herself in a happy, engaged mood for the sake of your child.

Why can’t you send all this in an email Sunday night? It seems unnecessary. Just let nanny start her day.

Anonymous wrote:Hi parents and nannies,

I need some advice on our nanny who is fairly moody.

She's been with our little one since she was an infant, my LO is a toddler now. She is good with her, my LO generally likes her, and she is safe. She handles her laundry and dishes and toy cleanup.
She has a good per hour rate for our area, this includes the $2/year annual raise we gave her plus 2 weeks PTO, a few sick days PTO, X-mas and b-day bonus, paid days when we decide to go on vacation and paid snow days.

She often comes in once or twice a week in a bad mood. Doesn't want to listen to weekend updates about my toddler, snaps at me about weird unimportant things.
It's getting to be a drag because it ruins my mood and I feel my toddler is picking up on her bad mood and suddenly starts acting fussy. I am expecting again and she wanted to stay on but I'm wondering how to address this. I've done check ins with her and she says everything is fine and then addresses a few things she would like for us to do as parents and we always comply.

Thanks for your advice ahead of time.

Are you leaving her a mess of dishes, laundry and a messy child’s room on Mondays?

I am a nanny who dreaded Mondays with my former position because there would be no milk or food for my charge’s lunch, dirty clothes all over the floors of the bedroom and bathroom - sometimes the mother’s underwear and clothes, dishes all over the counter and sink, every book they read over the weekend on the floor along with every toy the child played with. It was oppressive and so difficult to hit the ground running on a Monday morning.

Have an open discussion with your child’s nanny and see what is going on.

I would definitely have a good and open discussion where you make it clear that her moodiness is not appropriate nor will be tolerated.

Ask her what is going on and why she is acting so unpleasant. Try to work it out with her. Losing a nanny is very hard on a child especially when her life is going to be thrown into chaos with a new baby.

Nanny here and you have every reason to fire her or give her a stern and honest warning.

Thank you for your reassurance. It makes me feel better that I'm not crazy for being upset. I will take your advice and frame the discussion this way. We had a long sit down about baby coming and what would change etc. but I think it's fine to set up another sit down as the time is quickly approaching.

My family loves this nanny, my mom, dad etc. so everyone (including husband) keep acting like I'm making a big deal out of nothing but they are also not the ones who interact with her daily.

I'll update you on how it goes!

MB here. I would not be ok with this - at all.

I would be direct and clear. I'd set up a time to talk, framed something to talk about the workload, plans for a new baby, etc...

Be prepared to talk at some length about all of the things she does well, that you appreciate and value, which you consider yourselves lucky to benefit from etc... Then talk about how you would love to have this relationship continue and have her stay with the family as you grow. Then...

"There is one thing that I feel we haven't figured out yet though. Once or twice a week I feel like you come to work in a bad mood, sometimes you snap at me, sometimes you have things you ask us to do, and sometimes you say it's nothing. I feel uncomfortable and I think the baby can pick up on these dynamics. Can you talk about what you think is going on?" Then allow silence until she says something. If she says it's nothing, or turns criticism back on you...

"Well, a fundamental requirement for this to work is that you and I (and a father/partner?) are all on the same page and we communicate well, and that isn't happening. "

Then keep talking. BUT - it is not your job to make her happier (assuming you're paying a good wage, offering comptetivie benefits, good working environment, etc...) Give her every opportunity to reasonably express any complaints or concerns and address them as you see fit. If she has none, then make your expectations clear - that you expect a collegial, professional relationship - exactly as you are extending to her. And if she continues to seem unhappy coming to work, or angry/uncomfortable with you as an employer, then perhaps this isn't the right fit for the long term. And I'd say something that direct.

Do not feel enslaved by or beholden to your nanny. If you have to move on you will, and can. (I speak from experience with a similar dynamic in a long-term nanny.) This should be a professional, collaborative relationship - not one where you are snapped at and criticized in your home.

Thanks for the feedback- minus the very rude post which I reported. This is a forum for non judgmental advice not a place to hide behind a computer and attack people asking for genuine advice.

The reason I report on Mondays is because my nanny specifically asked me to do this months ago so she knows what to expect for the week. For example, I only report things like, "child didn't nap yesterday so fell asleep early last night and slept in late this am" things like that and that only takes 5 minutes. She noted she didn't like that previous employers didn't clue her in to their children's weekend behavior etc.

I think I'll try a sit down once again to see if there is anything else I can do to make her happier otherwise maybe start a new nanny search. We really strive to provide a fun and relaxing work environment and it doesn't seem appreciated.

I’ve been with my nanny family for 10 years and I’ve never snapped at my boss- ever. However, weekend updates are unnecessary unless it’s important to the week. The reason why my job works so well is because we have pretty good boundaries. I don’t want my boss asking about my life or my weekends and I don’t want to hear about hers either. If it’s impkrtant and about the child, update. My boss sends me an email on Sunday night about the week going forward and then I start my day Monday. Maybe less is more op. However, this nanny is not professional so perhaps get a new nanny but respect boundaries next time.

Once or twice a week is WAY too much. Get someone new.

I would put up with 3 or 4 times a year.

Hi parents and nannies,

I need some advice on our nanny who is fairly moody.

She's been with our little one since she was an infant, my LO is a toddler now. She is good with her, my LO generally likes her, and she is safe. She handles her laundry and dishes and toy cleanup.
She has a good per hour rate for our area, this includes the $2/year annual raise we gave her plus 2 weeks PTO, a few sick days PTO, X-mas and b-day bonus, paid days when we decide to go on vacation and paid snow days.

She often comes in once or twice a week in a bad mood. Doesn't want to listen to weekend updates about my toddler, snaps at me about weird unimportant things.
It's getting to be a drag because it ruins my mood and I feel my toddler is picking up on her bad mood and suddenly starts acting fussy. I am expecting again and she wanted to stay on but I'm wondering how to address this. I've done check ins with her and she says everything is fine and then addresses a few things she would like for us to do as parents and we always comply.

Thanks for your advice ahead of time.