We had an AP who had several serious safety lapses in a few days, and generally failed on common sense regularly in the first two weeks. I felt that common sense about safety was not something that I could teach, and we rematched.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see 2 issues her. First if you have told her to wait with him then she should have done that. She was not being sneaky though if she texted you so Im thinking a misunderstanding.

Secondly I used to a babysit a litle boy I took to OT once a week for several months. I always stayed as I found it interesting and thats what I was supposed to do. BUT the Mom never asked me to take photos or video or relay info for work to do at home. I don't understand this part. Sometimes there were papers with exercises on for him to do, but she took him one day a week as well so could talk to them then if need be. This sounds like you mircomanage.

Seriously, stop saying that host moms who want to know what happened is micromanaging. OT is a medical appointment where they test for skills and show you exercises/developmental next steps. If HM can’t go, then it’s entirely appropriate for AP have to report back what went on during the appointment. It’s best if everyone is on the same page for special needs anyway.

This. Nanny here. If I only have one child with me, I go into the appointment, but I can’t do that if I have others with me. Every single OT gives homework though, if they know that it will be done. If you’re not going to do anything, they won’t waste their time.

My child has been in OT and speech therapy since he was 19 months old. I promise you that your child will make WAY more progress if someone is able to bridge the home/OT gap and translate the work from the office to everyday life. When you're spending $750/week, as we did for several years, for your child to make progress, you had better believe that our APs were present in the appointments (when our child was young) or sitting right outside to learn whatever they could learn from the second the therapist came out to talk to them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see 2 issues her. First if you have told her to wait with him then she should have done that. She was not being sneaky though if she texted you so Im thinking a misunderstanding.

Secondly I used to a babysit a litle boy I took to OT once a week for several months. I always stayed as I found it interesting and thats what I was supposed to do. BUT the Mom never asked me to take photos or video or relay info for work to do at home. I don't understand this part. Sometimes there were papers with exercises on for him to do, but she took him one day a week as well so could talk to them then if need be. This sounds like you mircomanage.

Seriously, stop saying that host moms who want to know what happened is micromanaging. OT is a medical appointment where they test for skills and show you exercises/developmental next steps. If HM can’t go, then it’s entirely appropriate for AP have to report back what went on during the appointment. It’s best if everyone is on the same page for special needs anyway.

This. Nanny here. If I only have one child with me, I go into the appointment, but I can’t do that if I have others with me. Every single OT gives homework though, if they know that it will be done. If you’re not going to do anything, they won’t waste their time.

Anonymous wrote:I see 2 issues her. First if you have told her to wait with him then she should have done that. She was not being sneaky though if she texted you so Im thinking a misunderstanding.

Secondly I used to a babysit a litle boy I took to OT once a week for several months. I always stayed as I found it interesting and thats what I was supposed to do. BUT the Mom never asked me to take photos or video or relay info for work to do at home. I don't understand this part. Sometimes there were papers with exercises on for him to do, but she took him one day a week as well so could talk to them then if need be. This sounds like you mircomanage.

Seriously, stop saying that host moms who want to know what happened is micromanaging. OT is a medical appointment where they test for skills and show you exercises/developmental next steps. If HM can’t go, then it’s entirely appropriate for AP have to report back what went on during the appointment. It’s best if everyone is on the same page for special needs anyway.

I see 2 issues her. First if you have told her to wait with him then she should have done that. She was not being sneaky though if she texted you so Im thinking a misunderstanding.

Secondly I used to a babysit a litle boy I took to OT once a week for several months. I always stayed as I found it interesting and thats what I was supposed to do. BUT the Mom never asked me to take photos or video or relay info for work to do at home. I don't understand this part. Sometimes there were papers with exercises on for him to do, but she took him one day a week as well so could talk to them then if need be. This sounds like you mircomanage.

Anonymous wrote:Wow.

I get that you worked hard to identify and match with an AP. You don't want that and the driving lessons to be a waste of time.

But think about if you read this post and it was someone else. Wouldn't you tell them stop and rematch?

Your AP is a disaster. Do you still trust her? What happens next time when she doesn't get caught by Costco and it's something you have no idea about? Do you have a tracker on your car?

+100

Get a GPS tracker for your car (even more since shes a newish driver!!!)
Have a sit down and put it in WRITING that she has to do XYZ. Have a copy for her. Include LCC.

This would be rematch-worthy.
Sorry you spent time on the driving. I get strong drivers and strong English from the start to avoid this issue.

Wow.

I get that you worked hard to identify and match with an AP. You don't want that and the driving lessons to be a waste of time.

But think about if you read this post and it was someone else. Wouldn't you tell them stop and rematch?

Your AP is a disaster. Do you still trust her? What happens next time when she doesn't get caught by Costco and it's something you have no idea about? Do you have a tracker on your car?

As a very longtime HM (11 years), these are major red flags. The no helmet thing after a few days of arrival, coming from a country that doesn't do helmets like we do? A cultural mistake that an explanation and modeling can address. No helmet after THREE MONTHS of training? No, no, and no again. Dropping off your child to OT on the first time without you having outlined your expectations and modeled them for her? An innocent mistake that can be explained. Her dropping your child at OT after months of someone going with her, showing her what to do, talking to her about her role in the appointment, and addressing with her why you picked her? Seems flagrant to me.

She was crying because the costco card got taken and she was embarrassed about it, or because she knew she screwed up? Either way, I would have a sit down with the LCC and spell out that this is a huge reset, and she needs to be ON HER GAME or else she isn't the right AP for you.

You're (and she is) lucky your son wasn't more seriously hurt, riding a scooter without a helmet!

Truthfully, I see big safety concerns most of which fall into a complete "lack of common sense", which is hard to fix. Despite training and modeling of the correct behavior and written instructions, she let your child on the scooter without a helmet and she left your child alone while she went shopping while she was supposed to be working. She also violated your trust by taking your Costco card without asking. When you are gone, do you trust everything is going to go okay or are you worried she might forget something important like turning off the stove or buckling your child into the safety seat correctly? Do you have confidence she has the focus to watch your children while playing outside and make sure they do not run in the street? I would be hesitant to leave my child alone with this AP, based on what you describe. I recommend you contact the LCC and clearly document the safety issues. Abandoning your child at the OT appointment while she was supposed to be working is grounds for rematch.

OP here. For context, she is loving, calm, takes direction fairly well but seems to forget a lot even it it has been communicated verbally and in writing. Example: 4 days ago she didn't put helmet on my youngest (although we talked about helmets multiple times and I showed her where and how to use them, wrote it down on her daily cheat sheet that helmets are a must), he fell off scooter and got a big, swollen lump on his head.

I chose her because of her experience as a 1:1 support teacher for a year to a kid like mine (high functioning autism). It took us this long to get her driving up to par, and as a first time host mom I do feel like so far I have put into the AP relationship more than I've gotten out so far but I think she is solid. A little goofy sometimes (eg it was freezing cold here yesterday and heat running in the house but she decided to open a window so the cat could enjoy fresh air...).

We have had grandparents living with us this whole time to help.me onboard her and this is her second week since they left. But seriously, she has been to OT at least 10+ times and every single time she has had a family member with her telling her to go into session (and stay) and I've asked her to share back what they did in session so we can come up with ideas for home activities - she had full understanding of this, it wasn't a miscommunication. She did message me to tell me she was going to Costco, but it was before his appointment even started.i will sit down with her this evening and ask: when you left, had the therapist taken my child back yet (did she leave him in the waiting room??? Probably not but...), Were you able to get back to him on time prior to the end of the appointment?). She mentioned her concern that I might be regretful of choosing her, so I know she gets that this is serious.

I also sense flagging motivation this week. It's a lot more work for her with my parents gone, and a but lonelier. But all of it outlined from the start and frankly, she has had it pretty easy so far. Last week she stepped up well.

Poor judgement on her part, to say the least. Are you seeing a pattern of irresponsible behavior from this AP, or is this the first time she was given full responsibility and she tanked?
After three months of training, I wouldn’t trust this AP to take care of my kids.

This is a mistake, if you see she understands it please let it go.
Is she good otherwise ?

Completely out of line. Even if it had been a music lesson or something, she should have been in the waiting room. What would have happened in the case of a traffic issue or mishap? Glad the Costco people had some sort of identity check, and no, I wouldn't give her carte blanche to use your family's account. I don't know how I would handle as I've never had this come up in 12 years of hosting! Maybe ask her what she was thinking and start thinking about rematch, but it would depend on how things are going generally.

I am surprised that the therapy clinic is ok with her leaving a young child and her not being in the wait groom. I would tell her it isn't ok to leave him anywhere alone and she needs to stay.

Hi all,

We welcomed our first au pair in January. I have two young boys, one with some special needs. I have been up front about special needs and expressed in my profile and during interviews my desire to have an au pair attend occupational therapy appointments with my child in order to relay information (including homework exercises). I have had au pair ride with me or with grandparents since January to take my child to a weekly occupational therapy appointment. I have asked her to go into session with me, and have been clear in verbal and written (handbook) communication that this is work time and she is to stay, observe, and share back information. After working since January to get her driving skills up to par, she drove my child to therapy solo for the first time today. I then get a text that she left him at his appointment and took my family Costco card that was sitting out and decided to go shopping. She didn't ask, mind. This is her 12th week and every single week she has been to OT appointments and I know she understands the request from me - she made a point previously to take photos of session and share them. I am not sure what to think. We had a chat about it this evening, and she had clearly been crying (Costco confiscated the card since her photo was not on it and she had to leave all her items at the store). How would you handle this? I don't mind if she uses my Costco card (happy to get her her own) but not on work time and not when her job is to stay with my kid!