Anonymous wrote:This is another topic that has one narrative on DCUM and another in real life (the first such topic is pay rates). My husband works from home full time, I work from home one day a week, we are on our second nanny and one of my best friends is a preschool teacher. The issue has never ever come up with any of them. Kids are told that nanny is the boss while she's with them, and that's that. They understand and honestly always did, that mom and dad are working. We do frequently have meals all together (with the nanny) but otherwise stay out of the way. I even asked our former nanny (who got married and moved to another state to be with her husband's family) about this when I read it on DCUM and she assured me it was not a problem. ????

Hard to tell a 5mo that the Nanny is the boss.

Many nannies don’t like to deal with WAH parents because they’ve had bad experiences with it. Many more realize that telecommuting is the way of the future and that it just takes clear communication, mutual respect and a good sense of boundaries to make it all work.

For the OP, I think you are right on track. Especially since you will only be home half the day and the babies in question are so young, I think you can easily get into the rhythm of only being in the kitchen area during naptime, and having nanny initiate nursing sessions should work well. I would add that it helps to have a conversation beforehand where you tell nanny your expectations and plans and point out that this is new for everyone and you are relying on her to help you work out the kinks in the system by being open and honest.

???? was supposed to be a *baffled* emoji

This is another topic that has one narrative on DCUM and another in real life (the first such topic is pay rates). My husband works from home full time, I work from home one day a week, we are on our second nanny and one of my best friends is a preschool teacher. The issue has never ever come up with any of them. Kids are told that nanny is the boss while she's with them, and that's that. They understand and honestly always did, that mom and dad are working. We do frequently have meals all together (with the nanny) but otherwise stay out of the way. I even asked our former nanny (who got married and moved to another state to be with her husband's family) about this when I read it on DCUM and she assured me it was not a problem. ????

In all honesty, it will take a special kind of Nanny in order for this to all work out.

The babies are young now -
But as they get older, it will be tougher for them to adapt.

Knowing the parent is in the home will cause him to act differently w/his Nanny.
He may call for you, knock on your door often + be extremely upset to see you leave after coming to play.

Plus I cannot imagine any Nanny being okay w/a parent in the house.
She will always feel as if she is being monitored plus she will feel that she needs to keep the children quiet so you can work in an efficient manner.

The disruptions from coming down to play will make her job tougher overall as she will need to soothe your child every time you go back upstairs.

Is there any way that you can have your friend do all of the hosting?

I think staying upstairs will go a long way toward helping. With babies that little, it won't be so bad. Now that my DD is 2 though, I cannot successfully WFH with her in the house because she wants to "help mommy with computer!"

The fact that you're aware that some nannies might not like a work from home mom already tells me that you will avoid creating problems or solve them as they arise.

I was in the same position working from home, and I interviewed 15 nannies. I posted in the ad that I would be home, to try to exclude the ones who want to avoid having a MB home (for whatever reason, but probably the ones that want to intermingle personal time with caring for a child time).

The only thing I would add is to seek the nanny's feedback many times early on, instead of waiting the few weeks. Ask her after 2 days, but it short and casual. Then after establishing some trust on both sides and giving the nanny signals that you're a good MC, ask her more seriously either at the 7th time or the 10th time. I mean, from her viewpoint, she just got a new job, she doesn't know if you're going to be a reasonable employer or not, she won't really tell you the first few days, or even the first 2 weeks. She has to feel comfortable enough. After she interacts with you enough and trusts you, then she might say something and you guys can adjust.

Or once in a while, you get these nannies that are very expressive and demanding. They already tell you at the interview the stuff they will NOT do, they tell you on the first or second day that they want this particular Nespresso coffee capsule stocked, and they are bossy even towards me, not only the child.
I've also had ones that will not voice any demands and are the salesman(?) type, super accommodating to your needs as if the sale has not been made yet and they just try to continue to please you. Getting long term nanny has a lot to do with having a good fit in terms of personality between you and her, and being able to communicate well.

I tried various styles and learned that I can't stay in the same house with the bossy super expressive opinionated type. She would have comments on everything, how I kept the kitchen, what I ate, when I ate, etc. She was smart and very experienced caring for the child, she did her job efficiently. But she rubbed me the wrong way and I took the tradeoff of getting someone way less experienced who was quiet and let me go about doing my job at home comfortably, not being conscious about the nanny so often.

Finding a long term nanny is a journey. Best of luck.

You sound considerate

One thing that won't work out is to come and play with the babies on your coffee break. It will not only be disruptive for the nanny but your baby will be sad when you go back to work.

So far these seem good ideas. My former MB and DB BOTH worked from home and it was horrible! If you have space keep a mini fridge upstairs and stock up on snacks. It would always piss me off when MB/DB would come to the kitchen every 5 minutes while kids were eating,

I am about to start a nanny share with a good friend, where I'll be hosting on alternate weeks. Our babies are 5 months old.

I will be working half days from home for the next 6 months because I want to minimize the number of pumping sessions at work. And I like working from home. We live in a house and I'll be working upstairs (with noise-canx headphones), while the nanny has the babies downstairs in the open plan living area.

Our nanny is such a lovely person, I worry she won't speak up if something is annoying her. So I would like to get your advice on how I can make her job as pleasant as possible, because I know it can be hard for some having your boss in the house. Here are the thoughts I've had so far:
- I should wait for her to text (or call for me) before coming downstairs to feed baby
- I should ask her if it's a good time to use the kitchen in case she's having a hard time with the babies and doesn't need the distraction
- Ask her for feedback after a few weeks in case we need to switch anything

What other recommendations do you have? I love the idea of being able to play with the babies when I break for coffee, but I'm concerned that will be disruptive for the nanny.