Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our nanny has been with us for two years. Come fall, my daughter is attending preschool. In May, our nanny is going on a two-week vacation. My husband and I are unable to take time off so we are thinking of just sending her to a different preschool that she already got accepted at months ago. This was a preschool we applied at (as our second choice) and have a reserved spot for, not knowing at that time that we'd get accepted at the other one (our first choice).

This preschool is basically just waiting for our go signal. The initial plan was to keep our nanny until fall, but since she'll be gone in May, we were thinking of just either sending our daughter to this preschool for two weeks (and just cancel after even though we'll be paying for a whole month) or have her go there until fall, after which, she'll transfer to the other one.

The problem is, from experience, it takes my daughter a very long time to adjust to school. She goes to daycare/toddler class twice a week and it's been 6 months now and she still cries during drop off. She eventually forgets and goes on with her day, although sometimes, still cries here and there. But at this new school, she'll be going there 5 times a week, so I'm hoping she'll adjust better? But assuming she eventually adjusts there, she'll have to go to a different school in the fall, so that's going to be a lot of change for her I think.

We also took a look at our finances and we'll be saving around $700/mo if she just goes to school. Nanny costs is our biggest expense next to rent. However, I'm willing to just forget about that if it would be better for her to not go to from one school to another within a span of a few months. It's a lot of money, but I'll do whatever is best for my child.

Parents, what do you think? Is it too much of a change for a toddler to go from one school to another within just 4 months?

Wait, so your child is starting daycare in August? And your nanny knows about this?

Huh? Where does that say that? Yes, our nanny is fully aware of this.

Anonymous wrote:Our nanny has been with us for two years. Come fall, my daughter is attending preschool. In May, our nanny is going on a two-week vacation. My husband and I are unable to take time off so we are thinking of just sending her to a different preschool that she already got accepted at months ago. This was a preschool we applied at (as our second choice) and have a reserved spot for, not knowing at that time that we'd get accepted at the other one (our first choice).

This preschool is basically just waiting for our go signal. The initial plan was to keep our nanny until fall, but since she'll be gone in May, we were thinking of just either sending our daughter to this preschool for two weeks (and just cancel after even though we'll be paying for a whole month) or have her go there until fall, after which, she'll transfer to the other one.

The problem is, from experience, it takes my daughter a very long time to adjust to school. She goes to daycare/toddler class twice a week and it's been 6 months now and she still cries during drop off. She eventually forgets and goes on with her day, although sometimes, still cries here and there. But at this new school, she'll be going there 5 times a week, so I'm hoping she'll adjust better? But assuming she eventually adjusts there, she'll have to go to a different school in the fall, so that's going to be a lot of change for her I think.

We also took a look at our finances and we'll be saving around $700/mo if she just goes to school. Nanny costs is our biggest expense next to rent. However, I'm willing to just forget about that if it would be better for her to not go to from one school to another within a span of a few months. It's a lot of money, but I'll do whatever is best for my child.

Parents, what do you think? Is it too much of a change for a toddler to go from one school to another within just 4 months?

Wait, so your child is starting daycare in August? And your nanny knows about this?

I’ll add one more suggestion: if you can get a contact sheet for her classmates in the fall, have some of them over for a play dates or arrange some group meet ups at playgrounds so that she knows some of the other children before she starts school.

I see your husband’s logic here. He’s thinking, “Maybe if she practices school over the summer she’ll be really good at school when she starts in the fall!”

But he is missing some key facts about childhood development.

First, you should know that it takes about 6-8 weeks for a kid that age to fully adjust to a new change. Losing a beloved nanny or starting at a new school individually would be a huge change. Doing both simultaneously will probably take even longer. So if you make this switch in May, just when DD finally feels like she has a grip on what is going on, you will change schools and she will have to make the adjustment all over again!

Second, the thing kids this age need most is consistency. It is their job as toddlers to explore and be defiant and to strike out on their own, but they can only do that if they feel secure. Every time there is a big change in their world, they have to pause the normal behavior of this age group and retreat to clinginess, emotional outbursts, etc. They lack confidence because they feel they have a shaky foundation. If she loses her nanny AND starts a new school in May, she will spend most of the summer coping with that instead of exploring and growing in the way she needs to. By the time school starts in the fall, she will be thrown for a loop again and spend another month or two adjusting to that. Basically she will be “off” for months and will ends up missing out on some important experiences for her.

Now, if you are interested in some developmentally-appropriate ways to ease this transition:
1) Find out what the routine is at the school and have nanny put her on a similar achedule over the summer (mealtimes, rest time, etc.)
2) Have DD and nanny spend as much time as possible in group settings over the summer—free story time at a bookstore/library, toddler gym classes, weekly Free Forrest School meetups, Museum story times (Hirschhorn has a great one).
3) As you get close to school starting, see if one of her teachers would be willing to come to the house for dinner. Definitely get some photos of her teachers, laminate them and let her look at them often.
4) If you can possibly swing it, keep nanny on for a week or two overlapping with school and have her pick DD up early (e.g. week 1 she gets DD before nap, week 2 she gets DD right after nap, week 3 you get DD at the end of the day ad usual).
5) Schedule nanny to come babysit every weekend for the first month, then every other weekend for 2 months, then once a month as long as it works for you both. It will help DD function at school if she isn’t mourning the loss of a familiar caregiver.

You want to fire the nanny for using her vacation time? You want to put your 2 y/o in full time school (daycare)? And she already struggles with separation (which is common at 2)? You say you want what is best for your child, and maybe that saved money can go to her college fund and be better for her down the road, but right now that best thing for her is to have activities to go to while having the comfort of her home, her caregiver that has always been with her, and her own bed to nap in. Ideally start your child in part time preschool at 3.5 years and gradually increase the days and then length of time per day... if you truly want what is best for her now. But, if you can’t afford to keep your nanny, then you should wait and try to transition her into her new daycare over the course of a month, not just throwing her in 5 long days per week from the start. You can use an agency for backup care; providing vacation time is part of being an employer.

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone. Sounds like the advice I'm getting is consistent amongst the group. To be clear, you find no advantages in getting her on a 5 day program now to get her used to the idea of a full time preschool before she starts in August? That is, it's more beneficial to keep the consistency in place, then make only 1 switch into a 5 day preschool program, even though it may be hard for her to assimilate?

That's absurd to keep the nanny on after full time care. Child will be fine if its the right program. It makes no sense to move her twice. You agreed to the vacation so find temporary care or make it work for those two weeks. Don't fire the nanny or let her go because she choose vacation that you agreed to. Kids change child care all the time but to bounce her from place to place makes no sense.

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone. Sounds like the advice I'm getting is consistent amongst the group. To be clear, you find no advantages in getting her on a 5 day program now to get her used to the idea of a full time preschool before she starts in August? That is, it's more beneficial to keep the consistency in place, then make only 1 switch into a 5 day preschool program, even though it may be hard for her to assimilate?

Yes. Keep the nanny a few extra weeks, to help with the transition. But you know your child has attachment issues, don’t make those worse.

Thanks everyone. Sounds like the advice I'm getting is consistent amongst the group. To be clear, you find no advantages in getting her on a 5 day program now to get her used to the idea of a full time preschool before she starts in August? That is, it's more beneficial to keep the consistency in place, then make only 1 switch into a 5 day preschool program, even though it may be hard for her to assimilate?

Anonymous wrote:Thanks all for your reply.

My husband thinks that by sending her to this "interim" preschool, we mitigate some of the issues that she may experience when transitioning to preschool. He says that if she doesn't do well in this preschool, he's going to keep asking himself, "If I had enrolled her in a full-time program prior, would that have helped?"

But that’s not the way it works. Have him look up child psychology. Kids need stability. Asking a child to get used to one school is one thing. Two schools in under 6 months, especially at only 2, all while losing her nanny? That’s too much. You know your daughter has issues with this, why is it even a question?

Keep doing the current toddler class during the two weeks nanny is gone. Ask nanny to help find her fill in, and pay the fill in to come play with daughter and nanny twice the week prior. After nanny gets back, keep them going to the classes, until preschool. With your situation and extra attachment issues, I’d suggest having three weeks to transition. First week, 25% of the day. Then 50%, then 75%.

Thanks all for your reply.

My husband thinks that by sending her to this "interim" preschool, we mitigate some of the issues that she may experience when transitioning to preschool. He says that if she doesn't do well in this preschool, he's going to keep asking himself, "If I had enrolled her in a full-time program prior, would that have helped?"

Either pick a school and keep her there or nanny. Don't bounce a child around unnecessarily.

I'd just keep the nanny. Two big transitions in a short time will be needlessly stressful.

Yes, I agree to keep the nanny.

Why dont you keep the Nanny and wait until your kid is a bit older and send her to preschool a couple of mornings a week. It sounds like you are starting at a daycare FT.
I would keep the Nanny and do preschool a couple mornings at age 3 and then 3 or 5 mornings when she is 4.

Our nanny has been with us for two years. Come fall, my daughter is attending preschool. In May, our nanny is going on a two-week vacation. My husband and I are unable to take time off so we are thinking of just sending her to a different preschool that she already got accepted at months ago. This was a preschool we applied at (as our second choice) and have a reserved spot for, not knowing at that time that we'd get accepted at the other one (our first choice).

This preschool is basically just waiting for our go signal. The initial plan was to keep our nanny until fall, but since she'll be gone in May, we were thinking of just either sending our daughter to this preschool for two weeks (and just cancel after even though we'll be paying for a whole month) or have her go there until fall, after which, she'll transfer to the other one.

The problem is, from experience, it takes my daughter a very long time to adjust to school. She goes to daycare/toddler class twice a week and it's been 6 months now and she still cries during drop off. She eventually forgets and goes on with her day, although sometimes, still cries here and there. But at this new school, she'll be going there 5 times a week, so I'm hoping she'll adjust better? But assuming she eventually adjusts there, she'll have to go to a different school in the fall, so that's going to be a lot of change for her I think.

We also took a look at our finances and we'll be saving around $700/mo if she just goes to school. Nanny costs is our biggest expense next to rent. However, I'm willing to just forget about that if it would be better for her to not go to from one school to another within a span of a few months. It's a lot of money, but I'll do whatever is best for my child.

Parents, what do you think? Is it too much of a change for a toddler to go from one school to another within just 4 months?