Anonymous
03/15/2019 19:28
Subject: Re:Groceries and toiletries question
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:So, what is the typical amount for APs to spend on their own groceries a week? I mean, food that she alone eats and nobody else in the house touches, in addition to the " community" food for the whole household, like bread, fruit, etc. Our AP spent $40-50 the last few weeks on things like organic fruits and meats. That seems like a lot to me. Is $25-35 more in the typical range?
$0.
We tell them to buy their own on their own time if it's exclusively for them and they keep it in their room.
If we're happy with the AP and gotten to know them, then we pick up random stuff we know that they'd like, just for them. For our last au pair, she got random Easter candy around this time. However, if they never communicate that they want/like certain things after being with us for months, then we don't. And yes, we have had APs that take a strictly "work" relationship with us even after we try to ask/invite them for the first few months.
+1. I used to provide a stipend with our current AP until we had to throw away at least $20 worth of vegetables that she bought and never ate (and got spoiled).
Exactly. If it’s “free”, they don’t care and grow to expect the privilege. If it’s not, they’re much more appreciative of the privilege.
I’d also be wary buying in bulk of something they claim they like. Ours wanted an item and ate through a six pack within a week (think gourmet ramen). I got her a 20 pack after that and we still have 5-6 cluttering the pantry four months later. Yes, it was only $20-25, but no one else eats it and I’ll probaby end up giving it away after she’s gone. I can bet you if she bought it, it would have been eaten months ago...
Anonymous
03/15/2019 18:03
Subject: Re:Groceries and toiletries question
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:So, what is the typical amount for APs to spend on their own groceries a week? I mean, food that she alone eats and nobody else in the house touches, in addition to the " community" food for the whole household, like bread, fruit, etc. Our AP spent $40-50 the last few weeks on things like organic fruits and meats. That seems like a lot to me. Is $25-35 more in the typical range?
$0.
We tell them to buy their own on their own time if it's exclusively for them and they keep it in their room.
If we're happy with the AP and gotten to know them, then we pick up random stuff we know that they'd like, just for them. For our last au pair, she got random Easter candy around this time. However, if they never communicate that they want/like certain things after being with us for months, then we don't. And yes, we have had APs that take a strictly "work" relationship with us even after we try to ask/invite them for the first few months.
+1. I used to provide a stipend with our current AP until we had to throw away at least $20 worth of vegetables that she bought and never ate (and got spoiled).
Anonymous
03/15/2019 16:04
Subject: Groceries and toiletries question
Give her $25 a week on top of what you'd normally buy and let her use it how she wants.
Anonymous
03/15/2019 15:02
Subject: Groceries and toiletries question
Anonymous wrote:Our AP shops for a few things for herself and often grabs a few things for the kids while she's at it. She likes a different kind of yogurt and eats that with our costco granola for breakfast, for example. She also likes sandwiches with lunch meat and we just rarely keep that in the house since half of the family is vegetarian. She never spends more than $25/week, until....
A few weeks ago I noticed that the amount was higher and didn't really care, I just paid her back. But the next week it was higher still. She was buying pre-made sushi for her lunch which I guess is ok with me once per week or something but I did have to clarify for her that it was a "once in a while" thing and we weren't buying her ~$10 of sushi every week.....
You are much nicer than I am. If we run out of bread, then sure, she can go to the store to get more. Same with any household staple or things that are part of her diet even if they're not part of ours (all of our APs have had OJ every morning, for instance, and we always stock it even though no one else drinks it). But if she wants $10 in sushi for lunch, she can buy it with her stipend. I bring my lunch to work most days. Eating out is a special treat. I would get annoyed really quickly if my AP was eating better than I was!
Anonymous
03/15/2019 12:34
Subject: Groceries and toiletries question
I purchase some basics for the house -- toothpaste, shampoo, conditioner, face soap, body wash, toilet paper are all purchased in bulk from Costco. If she wants to grab those items, she is welcome to do so. If she has specific brands, that's on her.
As for food, she has a debit card and can by the occasional items with permission first. Otherwise, items go onto our list in the kitchen and I purchase them. There is always fresh fruit, cereal, yogurt, bread, cheese, luncheon meat, etc. I ask if she wants specific things.
I would be worried about that becoming habit and the amount inching up weekly.
As for food, she has a debit card and can by the occasional items with permission first. Otherwise, items go onto our list in the kitchen and I purchase them. There is always fresh fruit, cereal, yogurt, bread, cheese, luncheon meat, etc. I ask if she wants specific things.
I would be worried about that becoming habit and the amount inching up weekly.
Anonymous
03/15/2019 12:08
Subject: Re:Groceries and toiletries question
Anonymous wrote:So, what is the typical amount for APs to spend on their own groceries a week? I mean, food that she alone eats and nobody else in the house touches, in addition to the " community" food for the whole household, like bread, fruit, etc. Our AP spent $40-50 the last few weeks on things like organic fruits and meats. That seems like a lot to me. Is $25-35 more in the typical range?
$0.
We tell them to buy their own on their own time if it's exclusively for them and they keep it in their room.
If we're happy with the AP and gotten to know them, then we pick up random stuff we know that they'd like, just for them. For our last au pair, she got random Easter candy around this time. However, if they never communicate that they want/like certain things after being with us for months, then we don't. And yes, we have had APs that take a strictly "work" relationship with us even after we try to ask/invite them for the first few months.
Anonymous
03/15/2019 11:03
Subject: Groceries and toiletries question
Our AP shops for a few things for herself and often grabs a few things for the kids while she's at it. She likes a different kind of yogurt and eats that with our costco granola for breakfast, for example. She also likes sandwiches with lunch meat and we just rarely keep that in the house since half of the family is vegetarian. She never spends more than $25/week, until....
A few weeks ago I noticed that the amount was higher and didn't really care, I just paid her back. But the next week it was higher still. She was buying pre-made sushi for her lunch which I guess is ok with me once per week or something but I did have to clarify for her that it was a "once in a while" thing and we weren't buying her ~$10 of sushi every week.....
A few weeks ago I noticed that the amount was higher and didn't really care, I just paid her back. But the next week it was higher still. She was buying pre-made sushi for her lunch which I guess is ok with me once per week or something but I did have to clarify for her that it was a "once in a while" thing and we weren't buying her ~$10 of sushi every week.....
Anonymous
03/15/2019 10:00
Subject: Groceries and toiletries question
I don't have a separate budget for my APs. She asks me what she wants and I buy it for her-- one or two items a week. We have PLENTY of food at home and I always buy what I know what she likes to eat-- I even confirm it with her every month or so in case her diet has changed.
Anonymous
03/15/2019 09:32
Subject: Re:Groceries and toiletries question
Anonymous wrote:So, what is the typical amount for APs to spend on their own groceries a week? I mean, food that she alone eats and nobody else in the house touches, in addition to the " community" food for the whole household, like bread, fruit, etc. Our AP spent $40-50 the last few weeks on things like organic fruits and meats. That seems like a lot to me. Is $25-35 more in the typical range?
OP— If the purchases are items that can potentially be consumed by other members of the household, I was fine with purchases up to ~$40. When she started adding toiletries and prepared foods from the supermarket (due to food allergies we don’t consume buffet type foods), it seemed inappropriate, but I let it go, because it was infrequent and nominal. Now that it’s happened a few times, I came here to see what others do. I told her this morning that all groceries need to be put on our shared calendar and only pre-approved meals outside with DC will be reimbursed.
Anonymous
03/15/2019 07:57
Subject: Re:Groceries and toiletries question
So, what is the typical amount for APs to spend on their own groceries a week? I mean, food that she alone eats and nobody else in the house touches, in addition to the " community" food for the whole household, like bread, fruit, etc. Our AP spent $40-50 the last few weeks on things like organic fruits and meats. That seems like a lot to me. Is $25-35 more in the typical range?
Anonymous
03/15/2019 06:14
Subject: Re:Groceries and toiletries question
My one exception is that my au pairs have each asked if they can go to the Latin grocery store and buy some things from home every once and a while. I always say yes. Generally, they buy some things like cookies, but alway share them with us, and then staples that they use in cooking for the kids. I know this helps them feel connected to home and I don't mind paying.
Anonymous
03/14/2019 21:34
Subject: Re:Groceries and toiletries question
Ditto.
You got lucky she didn’t take advantage of you more.
You got lucky she didn’t take advantage of you more.
Anonymous
03/14/2019 18:49
Subject: Re:Groceries and toiletries question
Anonymous wrote:Never gave our APs $$ unless it was for something I asked her to get because she was going to the store. I would ask them to put grocery items on the list and I would get them. Toiletries, are to be purchased from her pcoket money.
+1
Anonymous
03/14/2019 18:27
Subject: Re:Groceries and toiletries question
Never gave our APs $$ unless it was for something I asked her to get because she was going to the store. I would ask them to put grocery items on the list and I would get them. Toiletries, are to be purchased from her pcoket money.
Anonymous
03/14/2019 18:11
Subject: Groceries and toiletries question
So, when it comes to grocery shopping, I generally let our AP buy what she wants and just submit receipts. More recently, she’s been frequently buying toiletries and prepared lunches from the supermarket rather than eating food prepared at home. I don’t think these are appropriate to expense but as long as it doesn’t go above ~$40/week I’ve just gone ahead and paid whatever receipts she’s turned in. We have a new AP starting soon, and just want to get some guidance as to what others do regarding groceries/toiletries, etc. TIA!