You work in their home. They eat breakfast in their home.

Man, reading a bunch of these posts makes me even more grateful for my DD's nanny. You want to know what happens in our home? The nanny comes, sometimes a bit early, and sometimes we're running a but late and still having breakfast or coffee. I make her coffee often. She makes me coffee often. She'll sometimes bring a treat for DD (croissant or something). She has free reign of all of our food. She asks and we help her with a million things in her life (booking plane tickets, opening accounts, getting around the city to which she is new, giving suggestions for shopping destinations, travel, restaurants). She offers to help us with various things she sees we could use help with ("hey, do you want me to go through DD' clothes and take out what is getting too small?") or she spontaneously waters the plants when she sees they're dry (without being asked or expected to), etc.

I can't imagine having such a curt relationship with anyone I work with - whether it's my nanny, the teams I manage at work, or my own bosses. We all know a lot about each other's lives and adapt to the extent possible, and we're all happier for it. Just because someone gets paid, doesn't mean it's not a community.

Anonymous wrote:+1 If the nanny is "on the clock" -- not just early for her shift, I would expect her to find something to do that is within her prescribed duties. ALL of what the PP described is related to nanny duties. If she can't/won't do that, I would make a mental note that she is not very proactive about things. It wouldn't be a firing offense --especially as she is there promptly which I really appreciate in a nanny--but I would be a little disappointed that she couldn't find something more productive to do than mess with her phone.

I might have gotten the wrong impression, but judging from one of the OP’s previous posts, it doesn’t seem like she has any “prescribed duties” other than caring for the child. It could be that the parents keep a very tidy house and just have her focus on the kid.

If her only responsibility is sitting at the table eating breakfast and having family time, what do you suggest she do? Furthermore, I just don’t believe we can blame her for this issue. If the family is not ready to go/switch control when she gets there, that’s not her fault.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you do? Lately, I’ve been getting to work and the parents have been lingering taking extra long to eat (which is fine) and the child is also at the table with them. I go in the living room and may read or surf the web, but after I’ve said good morning and have asked about the night/morning. The parents haven’t said anything but I don’t come to work to sit at a table like one big family because we’re not. We have a cool relationship but I begin my duties when the child is in my care and parents have made it clear they are heading out or going upstairs to work.

What do you do? Do you sit at the table? Even if you’ve eaten breakfast?

This perfectly describes my morning every single morning with my current NF (of 2 years). For the first 10-20 mins of my shift the whole family is in the kitchen eating breakfast.

I love to use this time to get settled in (put my lunch in the fridge, hang up my coat), and to get a head start on the days chores (gathering up the children's dirty clothes for the laundry, starting the dishwasher, prepping food for the children's lunch, making sure the changing table and diaper bag are stocked with diapers and wipes, etc), getting a head start on activities or outings (packing a snack, gathering library books, assembling a little craft for NK to work on after breakfast, etc). There's always plenty to do, and while I personally find it helpful to get a jump start on those things while my nanny kids are finishing breakfast, I also know that my mom and dad boss appreciate that I'm being proactive with my extra time!

So, maybe instead of focusing on feeling awkward, find something useful to do to keep yourself busy?

+1 If the nanny is "on the clock" -- not just early for her shift, I would expect her to find something to do that is within her prescribed duties. ALL of what the PP described is related to nanny duties. If she can't/won't do that, I would make a mental note that she is not very proactive about things. It wouldn't be a firing offense --especially as she is there promptly which I really appreciate in a nanny--but I would be a little disappointed that she couldn't find something more productive to do than mess with her phone.

So amazed that parents on this board think a nanny is a housekeeper. They are 2 separate jobs. I hope those nannies who are raising other people's children are getting paid double for the housekeeping.

Anonymous wrote:What do you do? Lately, I’ve been getting to work and the parents have been lingering taking extra long to eat (which is fine) and the child is also at the table with them. I go in the living room and may read or surf the web, but after I’ve said good morning and have asked about the night/morning. The parents haven’t said anything but I don’t come to work to sit at a table like one big family because we’re not. We have a cool relationship but I begin my duties when the child is in my care and parents have made it clear they are heading out or going upstairs to work.

What do you do? Do you sit at the table? Even if you’ve eaten breakfast?

This perfectly describes my morning every single morning with my current NF (of 2 years). For the first 10-20 mins of my shift the whole family is in the kitchen eating breakfast.

I love to use this time to get settled in (put my lunch in the fridge, hang up my coat), and to get a head start on the days chores (gathering up the children's dirty clothes for the laundry, starting the dishwasher, prepping food for the children's lunch, making sure the changing table and diaper bag are stocked with diapers and wipes, etc), getting a head start on activities or outings (packing a snack, gathering library books, assembling a little craft for NK to work on after breakfast, etc). There's always plenty to do, and while I personally find it helpful to get a jump start on those things while my nanny kids are finishing breakfast, I also know that my mom and dad boss appreciate that I'm being proactive with my extra time!

So, maybe instead of focusing on feeling awkward, find something useful to do to keep yourself busy?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound very defensive (“I didn’t come to work to pretend to be a family”)...seriously? They haven’t actually asked you to sit and make small talk and even if they did, it would be a perfectly reasonable request for a nf to ask that their nanny help them model appropriate mealtime behavior and bridge the family-nanny connection for their child by engaing in friendly conversation. Why don’t you ask how they envision the morning routine? Even if they don’t want you to join in or take over right away, there should still be some other productive things you could be doing rather than sitting on your phone. Prep lunch for your charge, fold some of his laundry, maybe wipe down some of his toys that haven’t been sanitized recently, etc.

I am a nanny btw.

How do I sound defensive? And clearly you dont read well because I stated in the post above I will pack for the day. Cleaning, laundry, putting away dishes is not in my job description because I did not dedicate over 12 years of my life to teaching and nurturing children or go to school to be a maid! Her parents and I engage with each other all the time and have for the past 3 years; and as I’ve mentioned, we have a pretty cool relationship. They acknowledge me when I come in every morning and I encourage their child to do the same when they come home or when they leave to say goodbye. When their child mistreats me they redirect her and I do the same when she’s not nice to them. We have plenty of “family-nanny connection/ interaction” and engage in friendly conversations all the time! I also stated if they include me in a conversation I will engage- so that means I get my butt off the couch chat and when we’re done if they are still eating, I go and sit my butt back on the couch. Again, they have not expressed they want me to sit at the table while they enjoy their breakfast as a family and the day that they do, well then, I will do so. However, my question was WHAT DO YOU DO AND NOT WHAT I SHOULD DO.

You can save these useless and smart comments for someone else!

DP. Here you go - I bolded all the parts where you seem defensive. Quite frankly, you also are aggressive, and I hope nobody else offers you any input or suggestions - you don't deserve it.

Anonymous wrote:You sound very defensive (“I didn’t come to work to pretend to be a family”)...seriously? They haven’t actually asked you to sit and make small talk and even if they did, it would be a perfectly reasonable request for a nf to ask that their nanny help them model appropriate mealtime behavior and bridge the family-nanny connection for their child by engaing in friendly conversation. Why don’t you ask how they envision the morning routine? Even if they don’t want you to join in or take over right away, there should still be some other productive things you could be doing rather than sitting on your phone. Prep lunch for your charge, fold some of his laundry, maybe wipe down some of his toys that haven’t been sanitized recently, etc.

I am a nanny btw.

How do I sound defensive? And clearly you dont read well because I stated in the post above I will pack for the day. Cleaning, laundry, putting away dishes is not in my job description because I did not dedicate over 12 years of my life to teaching and nurturing children or go to school to be a maid! Her parents and I engage with each other all the time and have for the past 3 years; and as I’ve mentioned, we have a pretty cool relationship. They acknowledge me when I come in every morning and I encourage their child to do the same when they come home or when they leave to say goodbye. When their child mistreats me they redirect her and I do the same when she’s not nice to them. We have plenty of “family-nanny connection/ interaction” and engage in friendly conversations all the time! I also stated if they include me in a conversation I will engage- so that means I get my butt off the couch chat and when we’re done if they are still eating, I go and sit my butt back on the couch. Again, they have not expressed they want me to sit at the table while they enjoy their breakfast as a family and the day that they do, well then, I will do so. However, my question was WHAT DO YOU DO AND NOT WHAT I SHOULD DO.

You can save these useless and smart comments for someone else!

You sound very defensive (“I didn’t come to work to pretend to be a family”)...seriously? They haven’t actually asked you to sit and make small talk and even if they did, it would be a perfectly reasonable request for a nf to ask that their nanny help them model appropriate mealtime behavior and bridge the family-nanny connection for their child by engaing in friendly conversation. Why don’t you ask how they envision the morning routine? Even if they don’t want you to join in or take over right away, there should still be some other productive things you could be doing rather than sitting on your phone. Prep lunch for your charge, fold some of his laundry, maybe wipe down some of his toys that haven’t been sanitized recently, etc.

I am a nanny btw.

Anonymous wrote:Oh wow, you sound like me at my last job! The parents were good people, but they also tended to linger places like this and I’d have to make small talk with them, which I kinda hate. In your situation (which has happened to me many times) I just went to sit at the table and pretended to be interested in whatever was going on, unfortunately.

It sounds like you’re setting boundaries by not sitting with them and waiting until it’s your turn to take over, though. I think you’re doing the right thing. If I could do it over, I’d do the same.

Thank you! Now, if they include me in a conversation then I will definitely engage but if not, I will just sit over in my little corner or I may get an early start on packing up if we have a planned outing. My charge also gets clingy (and a little mean) around her parents and I am not the person who makes a child engage with me but simply state “okay, I let you have your moment and you can let me know when you’re ready to play with me” etc. and walk away. Sometimes I wish if they plan to eat breakfast until 8AM it would be nice to come in at 8 instead of 7:30 but hey, I will just hang on the couch for 30+ minutes.

Oh wow, you sound like me at my last job! The parents were good people, but they also tended to linger places like this and I’d have to make small talk with them, which I kinda hate. In your situation (which has happened to me many times) I just went to sit at the table and pretended to be interested in whatever was going on, unfortunately.

It sounds like you’re setting boundaries by not sitting with them and waiting until it’s your turn to take over, though. I think you’re doing the right thing. If I could do it over, I’d do the same.

What do you do? Lately, I’ve been getting to work and the parents have been lingering taking extra long to eat (which is fine) and the child is also at the table with them. I go in the living room and may read or surf the web, but after I’ve said good morning and have asked about the night/morning. The parents haven’t said anything but I don’t come to work to sit at a table like one big family because we’re not. We have a cool relationship but I begin my duties when the child is in my care and parents have made it clear they are heading out or going upstairs to work.

What do you do? Do you sit at the table? Even if you’ve eaten breakfast?