Tie picking up after the kids to a privilege like weekend car use.

Boom. House is magically going to be tidy every Friday.

But yes, if she feels entitled to make snarky comments to you, this match might be destined for “personality mismatch.” Although, I’d term it just plain rudeness and lack of social graces.

OP here. This group never fails to amaze me.

My house is cluttered, not dirty. For example, on the coffee table we have a lego project that should have been put away when it was finished but it didn't get done and then my daughter put her library books on top of the legos. There's also a water bottle on there and a single shin guard. And it's not even soccer season.

Join me now in the kitchen were the floor and counters are clean because I wiped them and the robot vaccum did her stuff overnight. As an aside, our kitchen is the gateway to the rest of the house. Other than the living room, you have to go through the kitchen to get upstairs, downstairs, and to the rest of the main floor rooms. So it gets a TON of foot traffic. This AP literally never sweeps the floor (our previous 2 just did as part of the cleaning up after breakfast dishes because yeah, feeding 3 kids and a dog running around and making lunches...the floor gets dirty quick). I sweep the floor at least once per day, usually after dinner.

The playroom is now another story. My daughter appears to have started to do a puzzle on a puzzle board and also has taken out a set of markers and a coloring book and these are all over the floor. The table in the playroom that is meant for art projects, etc. is covered with stuffed animals that should be in the stuffed animal sling.

So there you go, that's our messy house. I will attempt to get her to clean while kids are at school but with her attitude...I'm not sure it's going to be a long term match.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was very close with one of our APs. There is a very mean spirited closed FB group that she showed me that "airs the family's dirty laundry" so to say. There are pictures of some of the host families atrociously messy homes.

I'm not gonna lie, the way some people live is incredibly nasty. Not sure how these people would characterize their homes, if they would just say "cluttered", but what was posted would be very stressful to have to live in.

Cluttered is usually a disaster and yes, dirty.

However! It’s your APs responsibility to clean up if she doesn’t want to encourage the kids to clean up.

I completely disagree. I am the previous poster who mentioned a ‘typical American home, messy from the work/school week hustle. My house during the week has its typical clutter - school papers that need to be signed, a musical instrument, whatever, but I would never say that it was dirty or nasty. If it’s at that level, that’s is not your AP’s responsibility. Come on people, we are all adults here. We should know the difference between what’s acceptable clutter from raising kids vs. what’s excessive clutter and nasty. As the parents, you guys still need to carve time in your own household to make sure that you are keeping it at a decent level.

We have different definitions of cluttered. I would not consider that to be cluttered. When I imagine clutter I imagine https://goo.gl/images/XaHrJE

No that is not clutter. That is a dirty and nasty house.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was very close with one of our APs. There is a very mean spirited closed FB group that she showed me that "airs the family's dirty laundry" so to say. There are pictures of some of the host families atrociously messy homes.

I'm not gonna lie, the way some people live is incredibly nasty. Not sure how these people would characterize their homes, if they would just say "cluttered", but what was posted would be very stressful to have to live in.

Cluttered is usually a disaster and yes, dirty.

However! It’s your APs responsibility to clean up if she doesn’t want to encourage the kids to clean up.

I completely disagree. I am the previous poster who mentioned a ‘typical American home, messy from the work/school week hustle. My house during the week has its typical clutter - school papers that need to be signed, a musical instrument, whatever, but I would never say that it was dirty or nasty. If it’s at that level, that’s is not your AP’s responsibility. Come on people, we are all adults here. We should know the difference between what’s acceptable clutter from raising kids vs. what’s excessive clutter and nasty. As the parents, you guys still need to carve time in your own household to make sure that you are keeping it at a decent level.

We have different definitions of cluttered. I would not consider that to be cluttered. When I imagine clutter I imagine https://goo.gl/images/XaHrJE

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was very close with one of our APs. There is a very mean spirited closed FB group that she showed me that "airs the family's dirty laundry" so to say. There are pictures of some of the host families atrociously messy homes.

I'm not gonna lie, the way some people live is incredibly nasty. Not sure how these people would characterize their homes, if they would just say "cluttered", but what was posted would be very stressful to have to live in.

Cluttered is usually a disaster and yes, dirty.

However! It’s your APs responsibility to clean up if she doesn’t want to encourage the kids to clean up.

I completely disagree. I am the previous poster who mentioned a ‘typical American home, messy from the work/school week hustle. My house during the week has its typical clutter - school papers that need to be signed, a musical instrument, whatever, but I would never say that it was dirty or nasty. If it’s at that level, that’s is not your AP’s responsibility. Come on people, we are all adults here. We should know the difference between what’s acceptable clutter from raising kids vs. what’s excessive clutter and nasty. As the parents, you guys still need to carve time in your own household to make sure that you are keeping it at a decent level.

Anonymous wrote:I was very close with one of our APs. There is a very mean spirited closed FB group that she showed me that "airs the family's dirty laundry" so to say. There are pictures of some of the host families atrociously messy homes.

I'm not gonna lie, the way some people live is incredibly nasty. Not sure how these people would characterize their homes, if they would just say "cluttered", but what was posted would be very stressful to have to live in.

Cluttered is usually a disaster and yes, dirty.

However! It’s your APs responsibility to clean up if she doesn’t want to encourage the kids to clean up.

I just could not imagine my current (or previous au pairs) making such a statement. I also have three kids, and we by no means are living in a Martha Stewart house, but it’s tidy enough (cleaners come every other week).

My AP has a daily checklist- crumbs from kids breakfast swept, beds made, room tidied, etc. My kids (4,7,10) are required to pick up their own playroom mess, but if it does not get done the night before, then it’s a part of the AP checklist.

We are a very routine driven household, so the kids picking up their toys are almost as much of the routine as them brushing their teeth. Unfortunately, bunk beds making bed making impossible for them, but most other things I encourage them to do with the ‘supervision’ of our AP.

Because all three of my kids are boys, I’m super super keen (for my sanity) to make sure cleaning, etc are drilled in as part of their daily routine.

By the way - your AP would never work out in my house. *if* your house is as you say it is, just a typical American messy home from the work/school week hustle (and not one of the types of homes that the pp mentioned), then I would be offended and highly annoyed by her comment.

Tell her not to worry, because you will be building in hours to her 45 hour schedule to ensure that the kids items remain tidy all week :/.

What the heck. Is this you first AP. Yes. My AP is expected to spend an hour or so a day picking up after the kids. Cleaning kitchen laundry. Making them do chores after school.

How old are your kids?

I hate when people say rematch so quickly. But this is what you wed to do. Get a clean start and MANAGE your au pair.

I was very close with one of our APs. There is a very mean spirited closed FB group that she showed me that "airs the family's dirty laundry" so to say. There are pictures of some of the host families atrociously messy homes.

I'm not gonna lie, the way some people live is incredibly nasty. Not sure how these people would characterize their homes, if they would just say "cluttered", but what was posted would be very stressful to have to live in.

Oh my. Serious conversation with AP about how this is part of her JOB.

I'd start with a conversation and resetting expectations. Then I'd schedule extra time for her to finish the clean up. If I were really feeling grumpy, I'd schedule that time for like 6-8 a.m. on Saturday morning until she came around....

Yes, I always schedule AP for a couple extra hours on Friday to make sure house is picked up and all kid laundry is done. She can/should absolutely have kids help her.

It is part of the AP handbook and I train her as such.
If I get home at 5, and it is all done, she can be off.
If I get home and house is a mess, she stays on until 7 to finish it.

Your AP is trying to disown her responsibility towards the mess (she couldn't/didn't get the kids to clean up after themselves) by making it your problem. Tell her that she should remind the kids to clean-up after activities AND she will also have to work an extra hour to make sure the rest is cleaned-up. Depending on her personality (and I see a red flag here), you might have to schedule it in for a specific day, as in: it needs to be clean by bedtime every night, or it needs to be cleaned by Friday dinner time.

I schedule this for our AP. I do tell her she doesn't have to spend that EXACT time I put on the schedule doing the things listed (I specify picking up kid rooms, picking up kid playroom and doing kid laundry) but I put an hour for each and set expectation that as of Friday evening when I get home it all needs to have been done for the week...

Wow. I think she will regret she didn't make the kids clean up their mess once you tell her since now it's her job. And yes you can totally schedule her for cleaning kids stuff when kids are at school as long as you follow 45hrs a week schedule

Our AP has started making comments about how messy our house is. Mind you, we have cleaners come every Monday so we start the week tidy and things deteriorate rapidly with 3 kids. So first of all, I feel like our house is cluttered but not "dirty" as it gets a 4 hour scrub every week but secondly this year is by far the most cluttered our house has been because she doesn't make the kids clean up between activities (yes, we've asked and reminded and told her that her shift isn't over until things are picked up but there is always some excuse AND I don't want her to do it, I want her to have the kids do it like we do on the weekend). By the time Friday hits our house is a disaster and I spend Friday night putting shit away so that I don't go crazy all weekend.

Has anyone scheduled their AP for an hour of kid shit tidying per day (either while they are at school or after she is off shift?) I would prefer my kids clean up their own messes with her oversight but that's not happening and she's the one complaining. This feels like the only thing we haven't tried....