This is OP. Thanks for all your replys. I have been a nanny a long time. & have remind in contact with some family. & not others. But this family I was with a long time. & was I was told I was like family & treated mostly good when working for them.But since then have been treated like nothing more then the help. I lucky I still see kids if I reach out. I just need to be mindful of not contact to often & keeping things very causal as she made it clear that's what she wants. It still hurts though to be treated like I don't matter or I did doesn't matter. But I know it matters to the kids. And I know the always carry a pice of me with them always. Thanks again it's nice to hear from other nanny's who understand how I feel. As it can feel lonely sometimes &like no one understands.

As a nanny-once-burned, I beg all nannies to discount anything your employer says about you being invaluable, or “part of the family”, or loved by them. All of those sentiments are nothing more than a manipulation. These employers are users and liars. They will brag about your loyalty but ghost you when you’re no longer needed.

I know you nannies who are so in love with your charges and “nanny-families” (nanny-families being a stupid term we should never use) will not believe me. I was in your shoes once, I know. But it is true. Consider your nanny position as a job and a job only. Your charge’s parents are your employers and nothing more.

Please listen to me! I wish I’d listened to other nannies posting the same in the past. Love the child in your care but keep the parents at arm’s length and never, ever believe their crap.

The MBs who are the most seemingly open and effusive are the biggest phonys. Beware of the employers who pretend to be so loving and caring - they are lying. Because you and the parents share a love for their child, the parents can manipulate you into turning down better jobs or complaining about late returns and added nanny-tasks. And they will fire you in an instant.

It is a job. Love the child and do right by your charge - but never believe that your employers love or even care about you.

Lessons learned the hard way.

It is a job. Nothing more

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How it really feels to be the nanny. It feels like you are invisible at times. As the nanny you do everything for the child/ children. You keep them safe, happy & loved.  You do their laundry, make the meals keep their rooms toys & books organized. You keep track of all activities, school events & make sure they have all they need. Most of all you love that child/ children more then you thought was possible. 


 You are there to wipe the tears & hold them when sick. You are there  to help them grow & learn. You make it possible for their parents to have quality time with them on evenings & weekends because all you do. 


But at the end you get nothing for it. When you are no longer needed.  You are treated like nothing more then the hired help. Which is all they saw you for the whole time. All the times they said you are family to us. Is just something they say to keep you to keep doing it all until they decide you are not needed.  Then you are left heartbroken & confused. 

Serious question - what would you like to happen when the role comes to its end? Nannies are (rightfully) expensive and a family's needs evolve over time so of course the need for a nanny will wrap up no matter how important they are to the family. What would make this transition feel better?

Same question. I know of a family who kept their nanny on as a household manager for years after she was needed, is that the only thing that feels fair? Is there something else?

NP here. Yes. A nanny actually becomes a trusted and loved family friend! This is a two way street. When my former charge started school and I was let go, my former employers made it a priority that my former charge and I still see each other and I did as well. I saw/see him every week FOR FREE. Five years later, I am definitely a family friend.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How it really feels to be the nanny. It feels like you are invisible at times. As the nanny you do everything for the child/ children. You keep them safe, happy & loved.  You do their laundry, make the meals keep their rooms toys & books organized. You keep track of all activities, school events & make sure they have all they need. Most of all you love that child/ children more then you thought was possible. 


 You are there to wipe the tears & hold them when sick. You are there  to help them grow & learn. You make it possible for their parents to have quality time with them on evenings & weekends because all you do. 


But at the end you get nothing for it. When you are no longer needed.  You are treated like nothing more then the hired help. Which is all they saw you for the whole time. All the times they said you are family to us. Is just something they say to keep you to keep doing it all until they decide you are not needed.  Then you are left heartbroken & confused. 

Serious question - what would you like to happen when the role comes to its end? Nannies are (rightfully) expensive and a family's needs evolve over time so of course the need for a nanny will wrap up no matter how important they are to the family. What would make this transition feel better?

How do you keep in touch with the important people in your lives? An email? A phone call every blue moon? A Christmas card?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How it really feels to be the nanny. It feels like you are invisible at times. As the nanny you do everything for the child/ children. You keep them safe, happy & loved.  You do their laundry, make the meals keep their rooms toys & books organized. You keep track of all activities, school events & make sure they have all they need. Most of all you love that child/ children more then you thought was possible. 


 You are there to wipe the tears & hold them when sick. You are there  to help them grow & learn. You make it possible for their parents to have quality time with them on evenings & weekends because all you do. 


But at the end you get nothing for it. When you are no longer needed.  You are treated like nothing more then the hired help. Which is all they saw you for the whole time. All the times they said you are family to us. Is just something they say to keep you to keep doing it all until they decide you are not needed.  Then you are left heartbroken & confused. 

Serious question - what would you like to happen when the role comes to its end? Nannies are (rightfully) expensive and a family's needs evolve over time so of course the need for a nanny will wrap up no matter how important they are to the family. What would make this transition feel better?

I’m 7:31. I am not saying that ALL nanny employers are detached parents, but the sad truth is that the families who use nanny care for the longest (both in number of hours per week and how many years they use nanny care) are the most prone to completely dropping out of nanny’s life when she is no longer working for them.

I have families that I am still in touch with a decade after being their nanny—I come visit them everybyear or two out of state and talk to the parents and kids on the phone every other month. Those are inevitably parents who were involved and present and used fewer hours of care. The families where both parents were absent most of the day, where I worked 12+ hour days and was the first to see the kids in the morning and then stayed to tuck them in at night, those parents do not make relationships a priority, so when I leave they don’t answer calls (again, I am talking about calling once a month to talk to the children, not daily and I was their primary attachment figure for years)! Just last week, a former employer canceled an outing I had scheduled with her daughter because mom forgot she had a club meeting that day. I had scheduled it with them months ago and it was a meeting that she could easily have skipped. But mom doesn’t care about my relationship with her kid, so she canceled at the last minute with no offer to reschedule.

What I want is the chance to see my charges at least occasionally, and to talk with them at minimum a few times a year to hear how they are doing. I want some kind of overall recognition that our relationship, which consisted of 60-70 hours a week for 3-5 years (my usual schedule), was not a blip on the radar, but was an important part of their childhood that the parents and kids value at least a little.

I hear you, OP. It’s hard not to get sucked in. Sometimes you don’t know how phoney and dishonorable your MB is until she releases you and completely ghosts you.

Remember that all you do, you do for the paycheck. Your lasting benefit is with your charge as you, in large part, made them who they are. But your employers are just that - employers. Especially your MB will lie to your face to get you to do more for them. The whole “you’re family” is a lie to get you to work outside of your job description.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How it really feels to be the nanny. It feels like you are invisible at times. As the nanny you do everything for the child/ children. You keep them safe, happy & loved.  You do their laundry, make the meals keep their rooms toys & books organized. You keep track of all activities, school events & make sure they have all they need. Most of all you love that child/ children more then you thought was possible. 


 You are there to wipe the tears & hold them when sick. You are there  to help them grow & learn. You make it possible for their parents to have quality time with them on evenings & weekends because all you do. 


But at the end you get nothing for it. When you are no longer needed.  You are treated like nothing more then the hired help. Which is all they saw you for the whole time. All the times they said you are family to us. Is just something they say to keep you to keep doing it all until they decide you are not needed.  Then you are left heartbroken & confused. 

Serious question - what would you like to happen when the role comes to its end? Nannies are (rightfully) expensive and a family's needs evolve over time so of course the need for a nanny will wrap up no matter how important they are to the family. What would make this transition feel better?

Same question. I know of a family who kept their nanny on as a household manager for years after she was needed, is that the only thing that feels fair? Is there something else?

Anonymous wrote:How it really feels to be the nanny. It feels like you are invisible at times. As the nanny you do everything for the child/ children. You keep them safe, happy & loved.  You do their laundry, make the meals keep their rooms toys & books organized. You keep track of all activities, school events & make sure they have all they need. Most of all you love that child/ children more then you thought was possible. 


 You are there to wipe the tears & hold them when sick. You are there  to help them grow & learn. You make it possible for their parents to have quality time with them on evenings & weekends because all you do. 


But at the end you get nothing for it. When you are no longer needed.  You are treated like nothing more then the hired help. Which is all they saw you for the whole time. All the times they said you are family to us. Is just something they say to keep you to keep doing it all until they decide you are not needed.  Then you are left heartbroken & confused. 

Yes, this is true with some nanny jobs. I have two nanny positions where I have remained close and included in their family but my last position I was cut off completely. I agree that it is heartbreaking, beyond heartbreaking, to never be allowed to see the child you loved and cared for since birth. And interestingly, this last position that cut me out completely was the one where the mother was the most effusive about loving me, about me being part of the family, about always sharing our lives. She was lying to me. I am embarrassed that I believed her!

Here is what I know to be true: what we do for the child in providing security and love in the first years is always with the child. Makes no difference whether the child actively remembers the nanny - the nanny created the security in their lives. We matter to the charge. That is all we can do.

Never look to your employers for truth or friendship. This is a lesson I learned the hard way. Look outside your job for friendship and inclusion.

Anonymous wrote:How it really feels to be the nanny. It feels like you are invisible at times. As the nanny you do everything for the child/ children. You keep them safe, happy & loved.  You do their laundry, make the meals keep their rooms toys & books organized. You keep track of all activities, school events & make sure they have all they need. Most of all you love that child/ children more then you thought was possible. 


 You are there to wipe the tears & hold them when sick. You are there  to help them grow & learn. You make it possible for their parents to have quality time with them on evenings & weekends because all you do. 


But at the end you get nothing for it. When you are no longer needed.  You are treated like nothing more then the hired help. Which is all they saw you for the whole time. All the times they said you are family to us. Is just something they say to keep you to keep doing it all until they decide you are not needed.  Then you are left heartbroken & confused. 

Serious question - what would you like to happen when the role comes to its end? Nannies are (rightfully) expensive and a family's needs evolve over time so of course the need for a nanny will wrap up no matter how important they are to the family. What would make this transition feel better?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you are looking at it the wrong way. In the end hopefully you had many rewarding years spent with the children.

BS. Nannying is a lot of emotional labor followed by families who, in some cases, cut off all contact with the children because keeping in touch is work and the kind of people who are detatched and lazy enough not to be present for their kids are the kind of people who are not going out of their way to staynin touch with the nanny.

I'm sorry you've had bad experiences, but not all people who hire nannies are.detached and not present. Maybe your attitude has something to do with it. My experience has been quite the opposite as yours.

Anonymous wrote:I think you are looking at it the wrong way. In the end hopefully you had many rewarding years spent with the children.

BS. Nannying is a lot of emotional labor followed by families who, in some cases, cut off all contact with the children because keeping in touch is work and the kind of people who are detatched and lazy enough not to be present for their kids are the kind of people who are not going out of their way to staynin touch with the nanny.

I think you are looking at it the wrong way. In the end hopefully you had many rewarding years spent with the children.

How it really feels to be the nanny. It feels like you are invisible at times. As the nanny you do everything for the child/ children. You keep them safe, happy & loved.  You do their laundry, make the meals keep their rooms toys & books organized. You keep track of all activities, school events & make sure they have all they need. Most of all you love that child/ children more then you thought was possible. 


 You are there to wipe the tears & hold them when sick. You are there  to help them grow & learn. You make it possible for their parents to have quality time with them on evenings & weekends because all you do. 


But at the end you get nothing for it. When you are no longer needed.  You are treated like nothing more then the hired help. Which is all they saw you for the whole time. All the times they said you are family to us. Is just something they say to keep you to keep doing it all until they decide you are not needed.  Then you are left heartbroken & confused.