Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love the program because of flexibility and cultural exchange but as an experienced host mom who also has a 5 mo baby and kindergartener, I do NOT and would NEVER make an AP the primary caregiver for the baby. Caring for a baby is too grueling, and the schedule you propose too hard. Unless you start work at noon or something.

Can I ask why you would never make the AuPair responsible for the baby? This would be her primary responsibility. She would be other both children approx 1 hour per before I get home from work. From all of the Community Counselors I have consulted with they just recommend getting an older AuPair with one on one infant experience.

My experience with au pairs, basically. I suggest viewing au pairs like teenage or college babysitters. Think back to your peers when you were a HS senior or college student. Would you say many of them would do well at young baby care as a full time job? Would they exercise the kind of judgment with a baby as you now expect? Or were they self-involved, cut corners, dismissive of elaborate instructions?

I would get an AP for the five year old, and hire someone else for the infant. Did your community counselors mention the high rate of rematch for the “under twos” age group?
I remember neetibf my LCC who had spent the afternoon dealing with the infant qualified AP who left the baby alone on the edge of the bed.

Anonymous wrote:I love the program because of flexibility and cultural exchange but as an experienced host mom who also has a 5 mo baby and kindergartener, I do NOT and would NEVER make an AP the primary caregiver for the baby. Caring for a baby is too grueling, and the schedule you propose too hard. Unless you start work at noon or something.

Can I ask why you would never make the AuPair responsible for the baby? This would be her primary responsibility. She would be other both children approx 1 hour per before I get home from work. From all of the Community Counselors I have consulted with they just recommend getting an older AuPair with one on one infant experience.

We have male au pairs and our boys have climbed the social “cool” ladder at school by a factor of 10. They have loved the sports, big brother, and that all the coaches/kids ask about when the ap will be around. Our APs not only watch our children - they are mentors. Awesome!

We got an au pair when I was two months away from my due date. Our older kids are 5and 5. Having the AP come and settle in and get to know our two older daughters was great. She was also a big help while I was on maternity leave. She couldn't watch the baby by herself per program rules, but she helped with baby's laundry, washing bottles, watching baby while I napped or took a shower. Huge help.

Our AP is older (25) and I think that her maturity was key. She was able to multitask and her priority was childcare and not partying and drinking. She does go out with her friends on weekends, but I have never had an issue with her being late to a shift or too tired, etc.

For us, having an AP has been great! And our kids love her.

I love the program because of flexibility and cultural exchange but as an experienced host mom who also has a 5 mo baby and kindergartener, I do NOT and would NEVER make an AP the primary caregiver for the baby. Caring for a baby is too grueling, and the schedule you propose too hard. Unless you start work at noon or something.

My first 2 au pairs were Brazilian and fantastic. My daughter (single mom here) was 12 months when the first au pair arrived. Brazil is a child-centric country and my au pairs were 21-22 when they arrived. Tons of "child experience" -- care, love, whatnot.

I expected my au pairs to be big sisters: keep my daughter safe and have fun doing it. Both extended with me My 3rd au pair was French. She also extended. Few expectations from me other than: safety, love, fun. We have visited both Brazil and France and have been welcomed as family by these amazing young women.

When i read horror stories I see how lucky i was. I am a teacher and don't offer any extras (no car, for ex.) but I am honest, forthright, and a really fun person myself! I had no problems matching.

Princesses would not have replied to me anyway

I think you have to look at your family circumstances to decide if an au pair is the best route for you. If both spouses have inflexible jobs and no local family then it can be a godsend. With an infant you do need to be careful choosing your au pair. During the screening process ask specific questions like 'tell me your favorite part of the day with a baby, and tell me your least favorite part' or 'what would you do if a baby is fussy'?

We have had the best experience with our current au pair from Mexico and I would absolutely trust her with anything. My kids love her, she has tons of energy to play with them and we always have childcare when needed.

Another perk is that unlike a nanny, they are in your home so you have plenty of time to discuss the babies development and any issues. Our nanny was always halfway out the door when we arrived home whereas our AP eats dinner with us and tells us funny/ interesting things that the kids did during the day.

Honestly, I'm a booster for the program but I personally would not have an AP for an infant. If you do, look for one who is older (i.e. NOT 18/19) with LOTS of infant experience. We know an AP who was a pediatric nurse, for instance -- so she at the very least knew basic child care. Our first AP would sulk when our child didn't do what she wanted. And she didn't always follow our directions. Again, it was OK because our kid is older, but not following directions for an infant wouldn't have been cool for me.
But that's not what you asked. You asked about the good: for us, it's not at all about the money saved. It's about the flexibility of having reliable, consistent child care living in our house so when there's snow like this week, we don't have to worry about missing work. But it's also about having another person in the house who really, truly cares about our child and who our child really truly loves too. Our DD absolutely loves our current AP and can't wait to see her every day. We love learning, for instance, what "sleds" are called in her country and love to expose her to american foods (peanut butter is a huge wonder) and try things from her home country.
Best lesson, as stated above, is to communicate. Be 100 percent honest about your family when you're looking for an AP. Don't represent the family you hope to be, represent who you are. That way there are no surprises. And keep your expectations reasonably low: these are not pros.

OP, as PP has noted, people come to this board when they have issues (and they want advice). When things go well, there is no need to post, so you are getting a skewed picture from this board.

We love the program. We are still relatively new (on AP #3), but so far it has been wonderful. We got to know three wonderful young women, who enriched our lives and who took great care of our kids.

We love the energy that these young women bring to our house. We love watching them mature and experiencing this country.

We love the flexibility. Although our schedule typically does not vary much from week to week, it is nice to have the option to change it if you need to (like for snow days, etc.).

Lessons learned:
Communication is very important. Be open and upfront with your expectations. Spend some time on your AP Handbook. Know what's important and what to let go.
Have reasonable expectations: you are not hiring a professional. Your AP will need much more hand-holding. I like the "niece" analogy. Think of the AP as your niece (from an estranged sibling), who came to live with you for a year while she is sorting out what she wants to do next. In exchange for room and board, she is taking care of your kids. If this is an ok scenario for you, then go with an au pair. However, if you are looking for a professional, who won't be participating in your family life, then the program is not the right choice.

Taking care of an infant is hard. It may take some time to find the right person, who will be up for a challenge. Also keep in mind, that if both of you work full-time (out of the house), you will likely need backup child care on one day a week.

We had mostly good experiences with our APs. Our APs enriched our children's lives. Some were skaters, soccer players, and gymnasts and shared these interests with our daughters. Most were warm-hearted big sisters and genuinely cared about the children and our family. I never missed a day of work because of a sick AP or "snow days." Most were excellent drivers (from Austria, Germany, England). Post AP-year, we have visited many of them in Europe, and several have returned to visit us.

Most people come here to complain and moan when things are bad and don’t come to boast when it’s good.

Most of my experiences are good and best thing I can suggest is prepare prepare prepare. Read here, read www.aupairmom.com and don’t let the nanny trolls scare you off.

Agree with above, but you'll need to find an AP who is capable of handling both an infant and a 5 year old for the duration of a snow or sick day. Choose an experienced and older AP.

Snow days and sick days plus no school days (like teacher workdays or conferences) are covered as long as you make it clear that the AP’s job requires this last minute flexibility.

You might hear some groaning and grumbling, but if you made this expectation clear, AP will have to cancel any plans to care for the kids.

My husband and I have decided to get an AuPair to care for our infant (will be 5-6 months when AuPair starts). We also have a 5 year old she will
Be responsible for picking up from school and caring for after school.

I have been reading this message board and see mostly issues people face. While we don’t expect everything to be perfect all of the time, can some of you share the things you love about having an AuPair, things that work well and lessons learned?

We are just starting our search process, and had Au Pair in America recommended to us by a friend.. but any feedback on this or other agencies is greatly appreciated too.

Thanks in advance!