Totally different opinion here.

I’m hired after kids have had minimal discipline or a really bad (possibly abusive) nanny. I’m crystal clear with parents during the interview that I’ll follow whatever discipline plan they use, as long as it works to teach self-discipline and it doesn’t destroy self confidence. There have been several times that I’ve had to go to parents within the first couple weeks and explain why whatever they want to use isn’t working, and there’s been one case of explaining that the child’s self confidence was in jeopardy.

I push for chores, and I explain in terms of building a child’s self worth in the family. I push for independence, and I explain that it builds self confidence.

I also view myself as an integral person in the child’s life for a period of time. That means that I’m going to teach everything the child needs to know at that stage, and I do view myself as partly responsible for the way the child grows up.

When the dentist asks who taught a 6yo to brush his gums and tongue, and he responds that it was the nanny, it’s a partial success. When the teacher asks how a child learned something, and the child explains that nanny said something and the child became interested enough to ask or look up more, that’s success. The child who now remembers ALL manners (not just please/thank you), even when I’m not around, that’s a success. When the kids start to argue, stop to take a breath, then figure it out without an adult? That’s truly the best feeling in the world.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nanny here and I simply don’t. I have been a nanny for ten years and am on my third family. I don’t have conflicts because I step back the moment a parent appears and have completely stopped giving advice. I smile all the time.

For example, I do insist on my charge saying please and thank you when I am with my charge without the parents but never say a word when the parents are present.

Never give advice that differs from the mother’s opinion - EVER.

Avoid conflicts with parents, Nannies. You will never win.

Agree.

I try to be agreeable and supportive, as I tend to work with families who’ve never had a nanny. If they ask for my opinion I will give it in a way that is helpful so that if they don’t take it no hard feelings. I let parents think they know best bc what’s the point in fighting and it’s their child.

Same. So much of a mother’s self-worth is involved in being right about their child. Don’t even point out something that could make the child happier or healthier. Unless it is a true danger to the life of the child, it simply isn’t worth it.

And like a daycare/preschool teacher, only say positive things that the parents want to hear about your charge.

All of this! You smile and shrug a lot. A nanny will never win any confrontation with a mother. Not worth it. Posters keep reminding us that we are just temporary employees and we are. Do and say a bunch of crap to make the mother look good and you are golden for a few years. How the child turns out is not a nanny’s responsibility.

It’s a hard lesson to learn when you love your charges. But just do as the mother wants and never question her.

MB here. We've never had conflict with our nanny of 5 years. Sometimes things will come up (like differing opinions on something) and she will either send us a quick email (if it's something small) or ask to sit down with us if it's something bigger.

But like I said, we really haven't had many of these instances.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nanny here and I simply don’t. I have been a nanny for ten years and am on my third family. I don’t have conflicts because I step back the moment a parent appears and have completely stopped giving advice. I smile all the time.

For example, I do insist on my charge saying please and thank you when I am with my charge without the parents but never say a word when the parents are present.

Never give advice that differs from the mother’s opinion - EVER.

Avoid conflicts with parents, Nannies. You will never win.

Agree.

I try to be agreeable and supportive, as I tend to work with families who’ve never had a nanny. If they ask for my opinion I will give it in a way that is helpful so that if they don’t take it no hard feelings. I let parents think they know best bc what’s the point in fighting and it’s their child.

Same. So much of a mother’s self-worth is involved in being right about their child. Don’t even point out something that could make the child happier or healthier. Unless it is a true danger to the life of the child, it simply isn’t worth it.

And like a daycare/preschool teacher, only say positive things that the parents want to hear about your charge.

Anonymous wrote:Nanny here and I simply don’t. I have been a nanny for ten years and am on my third family. I don’t have conflicts because I step back the moment a parent appears and have completely stopped giving advice. I smile all the time.

For example, I do insist on my charge saying please and thank you when I am with my charge without the parents but never say a word when the parents are present.

Never give advice that differs from the mother’s opinion - EVER.

Avoid conflicts with parents, Nannies. You will never win.

Agree.

I try to be agreeable and supportive, as I tend to work with families who’ve never had a nanny. If they ask for my opinion I will give it in a way that is helpful so that if they don’t take it no hard feelings. I let parents think they know best bc what’s the point in fighting and it’s their child.

Nanny here and I simply don’t. I have been a nanny for ten years and am on my third family. I don’t have conflicts because I step back the moment a parent appears and have completely stopped giving advice. I smile all the time.

For example, I do insist on my charge saying please and thank you when I am with my charge without the parents but never say a word when the parents are present.

Never give advice that differs from the mother’s opinion - EVER.

Avoid conflicts with parents, Nannies. You will never win.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The poster who complained about her employer not talking to her for 5 days was clear that poster was not working those days and she kept texting/calling employer demanding their time when that was time with their family. You are the employee. They are the employer. You do it their way if that is what they choose.

No. I am the OP of that thread and I asked my employer ONCE before I left on Friday after a work day of her not speaking to me and snapping at me. I never once called nor texted her. And I never posted that I did so I have no clue where you got that.

True.

Anonymous wrote:The poster who complained about her employer not talking to her for 5 days was clear that poster was not working those days and she kept texting/calling employer demanding their time when that was time with their family. You are the employee. They are the employer. You do it their way if that is what they choose.

She did no such thing!! The nanny asked the employer what was wrong before she left work after the employer was a real b*tch to her all day. The employer said she’d tell her after her holiday.

That is a bad employer move - no question. That nanny “demanded” nothing but to know what she did wrong. And asked once.

You should go back and read that thread a little more carefully.

Anonymous wrote:The poster who complained about her employer not talking to her for 5 days was clear that poster was not working those days and she kept texting/calling employer demanding their time when that was time with their family. You are the employee. They are the employer. You do it their way if that is what they choose.

No. I am the OP of that thread and I asked my employer ONCE before I left on Friday after a work day of her not speaking to me and snapping at me. I never once called nor texted her. And I never posted that I did so I have no clue where you got that.

The poster who complained about her employer not talking to her for 5 days was clear that poster was not working those days and she kept texting/calling employer demanding their time when that was time with their family. You are the employee. They are the employer. You do it their way if that is what they choose.

I would never do what the MB in the previous thread is doing to her nanny! I think that is disgraceful under any circumstance.

When issues arise, I address them immediately - I never wait. I loathe passive aggressiveness and am a pretty direct (often abrupt - working on that) boss.

I deal with issues as they arise. I would never give my nanny the silent treatment and the refuse to discuss the issue! Nanny and I openly discuss differences and issues openly and honestly as they arise.

Open communication is front + center.

No silent treatment nor any mud-slinging.

Just respectful conversation, perhaps some compromise on both ends & of course the desire on both sides to make this partnership a priority for the sake of the child(ren) involved here.

Couple of interesting threads lately on differing opinions (how to handle tantrums for example) and an employer being unprofessional (silent treatment and then refusing to discuss the issue for five days).

What is the best way by employers and nannies to bridge differences?