So, OP, you already have accepted another nanny position to start in February?


Btw, I echo all the other posts. You are absolutely right to leave and your MB is being a b*tch.

You will have earned your angel wings if you can work out your notice. I would do as others have advised. If she continues to be unreasonable, then I would move on fast.

Which hospital does she work as I want to make sure she never operates on me or anyone I care about! I

You have a very rare first page consensus that is telling you to stand up to your employer and that you are absolutely not in the wrong. This is pretty unheard of on the DCUM nanny forum. Even our resident troll can’t find fault with you.

Please take the advice given and stand up to your employer and basically tell her to cut the shit. She changed your job - not you.

Anonymous wrote:You are not wrong, OP, and do not allow your employer to make you feel wrong. She changed the job - not you.

- MB here

+1. Another MB

You are not wrong, OP, and do not allow your employer to make you feel wrong. She changed the job - not you.

- MB here

I hope your boss is never my surgeon - she sounds more dramatic than the people on Grey's Anatomy. I'm sorry, OP.

Anonymous wrote:Nannies: get a reference letter after your first year and possibly annually thereafter.

OP, you need to have a serious sit down with your boss. Tell her that she is threatening your career and your livelihood and it is not something you will tolerate. Be clear, if she falsely defamates you that you will absolutely sue her. That you are sorry that she is upset, but that you have been a stellar nanny and you choosing to depart needs to be handled professionally.

This (except the reference letter which means nothing).

Tell her the above - or write her the above in an email. You should be working together on how to make this transition as easy as possible for the child.

I am really sorry, OP. Your employer put you in an impossible situation and it is forcing you to leave a good job and a charge whom you love. I love the get tough advice above. Go more on the offense and get off your heels. Tell her directly. She is being childish and quite horrid, frankly.

Nannies: get a reference letter after your first year and possibly annually thereafter.

OP, you need to have a serious sit down with your boss. Tell her that she is threatening your career and your livelihood and it is not something you will tolerate. Be clear, if she falsely defamates you that you will absolutely sue her. That you are sorry that she is upset, but that you have been a stellar nanny and you choosing to depart needs to be handled professionally.

Anonymous wrote:You need to stop talking about why you are leaving and stop trying to justify and defend yourself. Every time you reopen it to tell her another reason why you dislike her mom it makes it worse. “Working alongside your mom won’t work for me long-term.” The end. Why won’t it work? “That’s nust the kind of nanny I am: independent.” Why can’t you just try it? “I am confident that it won’t work for me.” “You are ruing my pregnancy!” “I am so sorry that my choice is hahing such a negative impact. Let me know what I can do to help you manage that stress.”

When you find youself in a hole: stop digging!

As for letter of recommendation, “I would hate to see my time with your family end on a sour note, but I know that it has to end. How can I support you in this transition?” You don’t really need a letter of recommendation. If she refuses to give one then find someone else who watched you work with your charge (e.g., my current charge’s neighbors or their preschool teacher would both be good references). You already have another position lined up. Don’t engage on that.

Mostly what she needs is time and space to grieve. She is hormonal and worried that she won’t find someone or won’t find someone as great as you. Back off, stop engaging and focus on moving forward.

Good advice here, OP.

You need to stop talking about why you are leaving and stop trying to justify and defend yourself. Every time you reopen it to tell her another reason why you dislike her mom it makes it worse. “Working alongside your mom won’t work for me long-term.” The end. Why won’t it work? “That’s nust the kind of nanny I am: independent.” Why can’t you just try it? “I am confident that it won’t work for me.” “You are ruing my pregnancy!” “I am so sorry that my choice is hahing such a negative impact. Let me know what I can do to help you manage that stress.”

When you find youself in a hole: stop digging!

As for letter of recommendation, “I would hate to see my time with your family end on a sour note, but I know that it has to end. How can I support you in this transition?” You don’t really need a letter of recommendation. If she refuses to give one then find someone else who watched you work with your charge (e.g., my current charge’s neighbors or their preschool teacher would both be good references). You already have another position lined up. Don’t engage on that.

Mostly what she needs is time and space to grieve. She is hormonal and worried that she won’t find someone or won’t find someone as great as you. Back off, stop engaging and focus on moving forward.

I would have done the same in your position, OP, as my charge has a very difficult and rude grandmother.

Continue to do a great job. Arrive every morning exactly on time with a smile on your face and continue use to work at your highest level. Look for a new job and just proceed as normal.

I would be utterly heartbroken to leave my three year old charge but would have to do it in your circumstance.

So sorry, OP. That really sucks.

You need to sit her down and ask her flat out...Do you want me to continue until my new position begins/you hire a new nanny or do you want me to leave now. If she asks what do you mean then you explain how she has been behavioring and how it has made you feel. If she doesn’t ask you this then be prepared to leave.

You have a new position secured so you don’t need her letter of recommendation.

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been with my current NF for about 2.5 years. They pay well, give me good benefits and are overall good employers. I also adore my charge (three in March). He’s a sweet boy.

MB is currently pregnant and told me a last month that her mother will be moving in with the family to help out during the nights and weekends as DB travels a lot for work. I quickly decided I wasn’t interested in staying as I usually absolutely dread when MBs mother comes to visit, and that’s maybe a full week wrynother monthat most. She undermines me and nitpicks all I do. I’m not willing to have any grandparent as my coworker. Most nannies knows this rarely works out. I respect MBs decision but it drastically changes my work environment so I started looking for another position. I’ve decided a new position in February and gave MB my notice at the end of November. I did not tell her why, and she was very upset and said she was “blindsided”. She asked for me to e-mail my reasons for quitting and I did. I was very respectful in my e-mail.

MB didn’t take it well and has gone between pursuading me to stay and “try it out” and telling me I’ve ruined her pregnancy with my selfishness. I understand she’s upset and feels betrayed. I’ve felt this way when I was let go before. It’s normal. She wants to convince me that it’s actually a work because grandma can “help me”. It’s difficult to respectfully explain to your employer why their mother being with you your entire work day is not help at all. Quite the opposite. I tried to use a gentle metaphor. MB works in the medical field. She’s a surgeon, actually. I told her it would be like if someone followed her around all day telling her how to take someone’s temperature. Or interrupting her in the middle of a surgery and telling her how she would remove their appendix. Maybe a fit far fetched, but I needed her to understand this was my job and I require a fair amount of agency and autonomy to be happy. I understand if her mother’s presence helps her on weekends but it does not help me during the work week. I verbalized how I respected and understood her choice but that it changed my work environment too much for me to stay.

Now I have over 8 weeks left of this position and it’s been rough. She’s threatened to refuse to write a letter of recommendation even though she’s never had a single negative thing to say about me until this incident. She’s also saying I’m quitting because I “didn’t get my way.” I’ve been extremely accommodating and myself on my easy going ways. I’m very flexible but I’ve nannied log enough to know what does and doesn’t work. I was also upfront with her when I was hired that I am not a Mother’s Helper and don’t work for SAHP/WAHP or Grandparents due to negative past experiences.

What can I do to make the next two months go smoothly. How can I continue to support my NK? How can I help the transition? What can I do to self advocate? I understand MB is hurt, it’s only been a few weeks since I quit but it’s just gotten worse.

TIA.

Honestly if she continues to be that difficult, disrespectful, threatening and rude to you then you should quit immediately.

I’ve been with my current NF for about 2.5 years. They pay well, give me good benefits and are overall good employers. I also adore my charge (three in March). He’s a sweet boy.

MB is currently pregnant and told me a last month that her mother will be moving in with the family to help out during the nights and weekends as DB travels a lot for work. I quickly decided I wasn’t interested in staying as I usually absolutely dread when MBs mother comes to visit, and that’s maybe a full week wrynother monthat most. She undermines me and nitpicks all I do. I’m not willing to have any grandparent as my coworker. Most nannies knows this rarely works out. I respect MBs decision but it drastically changes my work environment so I started looking for another position. I’ve decided a new position in February and gave MB my notice at the end of November. I did not tell her why, and she was very upset and said she was “blindsided”. She asked for me to e-mail my reasons for quitting and I did. I was very respectful in my e-mail.

MB didn’t take it well and has gone between pursuading me to stay and “try it out” and telling me I’ve ruined her pregnancy with my selfishness. I understand she’s upset and feels betrayed. I’ve felt this way when I was let go before. It’s normal. She wants to convince me that it’s actually a work because grandma can “help me”. It’s difficult to respectfully explain to your employer why their mother being with you your entire work day is not help at all. Quite the opposite. I tried to use a gentle metaphor. MB works in the medical field. She’s a surgeon, actually. I told her it would be like if someone followed her around all day telling her how to take someone’s temperature. Or interrupting her in the middle of a surgery and telling her how she would remove their appendix. Maybe a fit far fetched, but I needed her to understand this was my job and I require a fair amount of agency and autonomy to be happy. I understand if her mother’s presence helps her on weekends but it does not help me during the work week. I verbalized how I respected and understood her choice but that it changed my work environment too much for me to stay.

Now I have over 8 weeks left of this position and it’s been rough. She’s threatened to refuse to write a letter of recommendation even though she’s never had a single negative thing to say about me until this incident. She’s also saying I’m quitting because I “didn’t get my way.” I’ve been extremely accommodating and myself on my easy going ways. I’m very flexible but I’ve nannied log enough to know what does and doesn’t work. I was also upfront with her when I was hired that I am not a Mother’s Helper and don’t work for SAHP/WAHP or Grandparents due to negative past experiences.

What can I do to make the next two months go smoothly. How can I continue to support my NK? How can I help the transition? What can I do to self advocate? I understand MB is hurt, it’s only been a few weeks since I quit but it’s just gotten worse.

TIA.