Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rematch. Poor judgment, and committed a crime in your home. Said that way - does it seem like a clearer choice?

You could end up with liability if the other UNDERAGE AP had gotten into an accident on the way home. Very poor judgement for your AP.

I'm the first quoted PP above, and yes, this is what I was thinking about. Liability will be on you, not on the au pair. And, you note this is not the first time she violated your trust. IT WON'T BE THE LAST. We finally sent a non-stop lying au pair into rematch and I honestly can't believe I waited so long, and won't again. Oh, and the agency pretty much held it against me in the rematch process that we had kept our au pair so long if the lies and violations of trust were "really such a problem". We were trying not to overreact, and we UNDER reacted instead.

Rematch, move on, and good luck!

Anonymous wrote:Rematch. Poor judgment, and committed a crime in your home. Said that way - does it seem like a clearer choice?

You could end up with liability if the other UNDERAGE AP had gotten into an accident on the way home. Very poor judgement for your AP.

She lied because she knew she would get into trouble. Unless she was drunk I dont think a drink is a big deal personally. Do you never have a glass of wine or a beer while your kid is awake.

Rematch. Poor judgment, and committed a crime in your home. Said that way - does it seem like a clearer choice?

I wouldn't overreact regarding your AP's drinking. She obviously wasn't wasted ,and was in control of her job . She was probably lying because she realized how alarmed you were over the incident, and got scared. There is no sign of her neglecting the child or being out of control. She probably was thinking it would be ok for her to drink since the baby was in bed. As far as her friend goes, she might have helped herself to the drink and your AP could have been unaware of her age. I'd just have a simple conversation about what your expectations regarding drinking are exactly, before and after your child goes to bed .

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any drinker is dangerous.

Uh, no.

Anonymous wrote:Any drinker is dangerous.

?

Any drinker is dangerous.

Yup rematch. Alcohol is clearly a tempting forbidden fruit for your AP and now she’ll have to keep sneaking around since it’s been a source of conflict. A sneaky drinker is dangerous.

I thought they came here to drink.

Thanks to you both! I asked her specifically about it "Please just answer honestly, were you drinking tonight"? and she got flustered and said no, would never do that because she was working and the other au pair was driving home, etc. etc. Asked her again one more time in the AM to give her another opportunity and she made up some lie that she was pretending to drink so her friends back home thought she was cool, etc. and couldn't explain the missing alcohol. The whole thing was just weird. If she finally just said - yes i made a mistake, etc. I think I would feel differently but the straight out lying and deceitfulness just isn't sitting right. I guess i know my answer

Do you like her otherwise, regardless of the drinking? If so, give her another chance. If not, this is definitely a good gripe for you to have to explore rematch.

We had an AP a few years ago who was 19 and from Mexico. Exact situation. We came home from date night, kids were asleep, and she was sitting there with her friends, wearing her "going out clothes" waiting for us to get back. She was drinking a bottle of our Bailey's in our expensive wine glasses. I was not pleased. We had a discussion with her that even though she was legal to drink her her country, she was not legal to drink (and serve alcohol to others) in ours. 3 months later we rematched, and this was one of the things we thought of when it happened. I would have felt better if she just had one of her older AP friends buy her her own stuff. All of it made us very uncomfortable. But again, it all depends on the relationship you have and whether she's worth it to overlook the issue. Either way, you should talk with her and also let the advisor know.

1. How do you know she provided the alcohol instead of the friend?
2. Did you just ask “Were you drinking?” Or was it more open-ended?
3. Did you discuss that she shouldn’t have any alcohol while the baby is sleeping at night? If not, was she drunk, buzzed or still sober?
4. What are the other issues with this AP, apart from this one instance of poor judgement?

If you didn’t address the drinking while babysitting thing prior to getting home, that’s on you, if she was still sober. If she was buzzed, you need a reset conversation. If she was drunk, she knew she couldn’t do anything with the baby, so I’d say rematch.

If it was your alcohol, rematch. If friend AP brought it over, reset. If friend AP helped herself to your AP’s alcohol, reset. If your AP bought it to share, rematch.

If you asked a yes/no question and she lied outright with no prevaricating or hesitation, rematch. With hesitation or attempting to change the subject, reset. If you asked an open-ended question, and she bumbled along, I’d say reset, but if she spun whole cloth, rematch.

If the other issues are huge, they think you should rematch, even if AP weren’t at fault here. If they’re petty, ignore them. In between, and look at the whole picture to decide.

Our current au pair was drinking while baby sitting on a Sat night for us (we were only out for a few hours and our baby was asleep) and gave alcohol to an underage AP friend she had over (we had agreed it was OK for her to be over our house). She then lied to us after I have proof she was doing it[code].
This is not the first time she violated my trust so I am pretty confident we need to rematch. Thoughts?