I had a charge like this. Just hang in there and wait it out. Continue to have babysitters come over (since the parents don’t mind paying) and she will get used to it. She isn’t a brat - she is just anxious at night. Typical for this age.

This is a typical age for separation anxiety, especially around something like bedtime. Because you work such long hours with her, she's very attached to you.

There are several options. You can ask the parents to hire the sitter for the morning, then you work afternoon/evening. You can ask to stay over the night before and after, so that eliminating your commute makes you less tired. You can role play with the child on a normal day what will happen for the next dinner (you leaving quietly while she's playing). You can stay to put her to bed, then leave. Or you can just keep doing the same thing you are doing.

PPs are right about anxiety. They're also right about children learning bad habits by manipulating to get what they want, even if the manipulation is unconscious at first. She's an individual who is entitled to her feelings, but her feelings don't dictate how the household runs.

OP, I think it's lovely that you're doing this. It sounds like your NF understands how hard it is, too. Would they let you come in late on the days after these long days? Or give you the day off the next day? I bet they would work with you. It sounds like, for example, the child might do ok with a babysitter during the day, and then you could come in in the afternoon and stay through the evening meetings on those days.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My employers know when I stayed with the babysitter and were grateful. Money is not an issue for them.

My normal day is 10 hours. 16 hours are the days I stay late.

My charge isn’t whining. These are tearful, worried moments - very heartfelt and nothing like a tantrum. She is just going through an insecure patch right now. She literally shakes with fear.

I am just tired. This is a vent, I guess

She is a spoiled brat and knows crying and whining gets her what she wants. Stop enabling her!

stop acting like she is your child and let parents hire a sitter for THEIR child's need. One day you won't be around at all or even matter.

Is this your first nanny job? When you give in to stuff like this it sends the message, “Yes. You are right. I am the only person who can put you to bed.”

If you leave, over her objections, she will learn that “Whoa! I had to do something hard/scary and I survived! Now I know that having a sitter isn’t the end of the world!”

Giving in on this kind of stuff actually increases anxiety levels in general. Are you an axious person yourself? I am wondering why you can’t separate her feelings (sadness and worry) from reality (babysitter is kind and competent).

Her feelings are valid because it’s how she feels but they should not be the determining factor in how the householf functions. Furthermore, you are just the nanny. At some point you won’t be in her life anymore, so doubling down on the importance of ryour role really puts her at a disadvantage.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My employers know when I stayed with the babysitter and were grateful. Money is not an issue for them.

My normal day is 10 hours. 16 hours are the days I stay late.

My charge isn’t whining. These are tearful, worried moments - very heartfelt and nothing like a tantrum. She is just going through an insecure patch right now. She literally shakes with fear.

I am just tired. This is a vent, I guess

Which is why you should leave. She knows that if you’re there and a sitter comes and she cries and worries that you will stay. She needs to get used to the routine of babysitter. I was a babysitter and the toddler I would each would do the same thing to the sitter. You should leave while she’s playing with the sitter and she’s distracted. Also, don’t put her to bed. Have the sitter do that.

OP here. My employers know when I stayed with the babysitter and were grateful. Money is not an issue for them.

My normal day is 10 hours. 16 hours are the days I stay late.

My charge isn’t whining. These are tearful, worried moments - very heartfelt and nothing like a tantrum. She is just going through an insecure patch right now. She literally shakes with fear.

I am just tired. This is a vent, I guess

Don’t stay. She’ knows you will give in so she whines and screams. My charge also never wants me to leave (even if mom and dad are there), but sometimes I just have to leave. Working 16 hours days is way too much to be doing it everyday. How many babysitters has she had? It sound to me that she’d had more than 2. Also, do you work 16 hours everyday or just once a week? Is the babysitter on an on call basis or does she have a weekly schedule. Lastly, you’re saying you stay 16 hours, most likely racking up A LOT of OT? Does the babysitter still get paid even if you stay? If you were my nanny I would not allow this to happen—that’s why they hired a babysitter. Again, just leave. And te to urge parents to maybe have a weekly schedule for the sitter that way charge gets used to her.

Getting an evening babysitter for my 2.5 yr old charge is not working out. My employers have to do business dinners at least once a week, often more, and my charge just cannot get used to a babysitter. Even if I stay late and put her to bed, she cries and is anxious about the babysitter staying and me going home when she is asleep. So I stay. I have given up on the whole babysitter thing and just stay myself now which makes for way too long days for me - generally 16 hours - and then up again the next morning to start work at 7:30.

We have had babysitters who play with her for hours before bed time, whom she knows, and she still has a heartbroken cry at the thought of me leaving without her Mama and Dad being home. And this kid is not spoiled at all - she is a really great kid and incredibly well adjusted in every other area - preschool drop off is no problem and she is totally undemanding. She just wants me, her mother or her father to be with her at bedtime.

I understand it is a phase that will pass someday - but man, I am so tired.