Anonymous wrote:Op, some people are just naturally forgetful. It does say something that she immediately had the cash to give you. That means she didn’t spend any of it.

Her son came out, gave her the money and she probably stashed it somewhere meaning to give it to you but then forgot. It can be an easy thing to do if you have a lot going on.

You say you love having her as your nanny, so I say you should give her the benefit of the doubt since she’s been so good to you for all this time. You have to accept that this was more than likely just an honest mistake, otherwise you’ll feel unable to trust her and it’ll put a strain on the relationship. You can’t employ someone you don’t trust.

I’m OP. I very much want to believe this and am going to just decide that this is what happened and let it go.

But if I’m being 100% honest, yes I do think she pocketed the money. But I’m not going to act on it, unless something else similar happens.

She’s extremely detail oriented and organized-She’s not the forgetful type.

Anonymous wrote:I have one who steals but if it's something really important she'll give it back. Kids like her, not worth getting new one over small stuff.

Um...what the hell? Doesn’t it get exhausting trying to keep track of your belongings?? This kind of thing I would not let slide.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, what did the nanny say when confronted by you and her son? I think her reaction will help fill in a lot of holes. I hope for your sake that there is nothing fishy going on. Hopefully, it’s just a crazy misunderstanding.

Op here. I never confronted the nanny but she just paid me, just now, and said something about having forgotten (really? You were carrying this cash around since February?). I think the son got in touch with her and she realized she’d been caught.

I’m just so so so sad. I really love this person. I’d have gladly given her the money if she needed it. I don’t want to have to worry she might be untrustworthy.

Can someone be untrustworthy with money but still trustworthy with our children? Maybe that’s the real question I’m asking.

How do you know she really didn't forget, and her son contacted her and reminded her? The fact that you jump to theft is odd--has she ever stolen from you before? Is she untrustworthy in other ways? If not, then why do you now think she is?

Op, some people are just naturally forgetful. It does say something that she immediately had the cash to give you. That means she didn’t spend any of it.

Her son came out, gave her the money and she probably stashed it somewhere meaning to give it to you but then forgot. It can be an easy thing to do if you have a lot going on.

You say you love having her as your nanny, so I say you should give her the benefit of the doubt since she’s been so good to you for all this time. You have to accept that this was more than likely just an honest mistake, otherwise you’ll feel unable to trust her and it’ll put a strain on the relationship. You can’t employ someone you don’t trust.

Anonymous wrote:I have one who steals but if it's something really important she'll give it back. Kids like her, not worth getting new one over small stuff.

Op here. Ok this is reassuring. So you still trust her with your kids?

I don’t even care about our stuff, it’s not that at all. I just don’t want to have to worry about her with our children, who LOVE her, and she truly loves DD like her own.

I have one who steals but if it's something really important she'll give it back. Kids like her, not worth getting new one over small stuff.

Anonymous wrote:Well, what did the nanny say when confronted by you and her son? I think her reaction will help fill in a lot of holes. I hope for your sake that there is nothing fishy going on. Hopefully, it’s just a crazy misunderstanding.

Op here. I never confronted the nanny but she just paid me, just now, and said something about having forgotten (really? You were carrying this cash around since February?). I think the son got in touch with her and she realized she’d been caught.

I’m just so so so sad. I really love this person. I’d have gladly given her the money if she needed it. I don’t want to have to worry she might be untrustworthy.

Can someone be untrustworthy with money but still trustworthy with our children? Maybe that’s the real question I’m asking.

Well, what did the nanny say when confronted by you and her son? I think her reaction will help fill in a lot of holes. I hope for your sake that there is nothing fishy going on. Hopefully, it’s just a crazy misunderstanding.

Anonymous wrote:Your options:
1: he didn’t pay her and is lying
2: he paid her, she kept the money on purpose
3: he paid her, she kept the money by accident
4: he paid her, she paid you, you forgot

How do you not remember? If you’re loaning out money, why not keep a written record? My own parents kept a document on the computer when I was paying them back for something!

Why does your mind immediately go to theft? That’s one of FOUR potential scenarios.

On 1, if the son is lying he’s VERY GOOD. I found him credible in our conversation today.
On 2, I do think this is what happened but agree I cannot know it for 100% certain.
On 3, I guess it’s possible, but I feel it’s unlikely. The sum of money we are talking here is equal to a weeks pay for the nanny-it’s a lot relative to her income. I would notice if I had an extra half paycheck of cash lying around, wouldn’t you?
On 4, this is possible, and yeah I should have kept records. It’s not a massive amount of money to us and I really trusted they would pay us so I wasn’t really THAT concerned.

Anonymous wrote:Ask her for the money now. You don't need to fire her, buy understand she may have been playing you. Don't lend money again unless you can afford to lose it or are so generous you don't care about repayment.

I’m the OP. I assumed everyone was going to hammer me and tell me I had to fire her. I’m relieved that’s not what everyone is saying.

It makes me crazy because I feel like we are incredibly generous and flexible employers (at least we really strive to be). It’s not about the money-it’s about worrying I can’t trust her anymore.

Your options:
1: he didn’t pay her and is lying
2: he paid her, she kept the money on purpose
3: he paid her, she kept the money by accident
4: he paid her, she paid you, you forgot

How do you not remember? If you’re loaning out money, why not keep a written record? My own parents kept a document on the computer when I was paying them back for something!

Why does your mind immediately go to theft? That’s one of FOUR potential scenarios.

Ask her for the money now. You don't need to fire her, buy understand she may have been playing you. Don't lend money again unless you can afford to lose it or are so generous you don't care about repayment.

Anonymous wrote:Why is it not crossing your mind that she might have truly just forgotten to pay it over to you? Especially if he paid in cash. The idea that your first thought is that this is a scam rather than an overaite is weird and telling.

Op here. I guess that doesn’t feel possible to me. It did cross my mind that she maybe did pay me, and that I was the one who forgot. I guess this is possible, but I really don’t think so.

I also seem to recall having a couple conversations over the last few months with the nanny about the son and her saying something like that he felt bad he hasn’t been able to pay me yet-and I said we were flexible if he needed more time or wanted to just do like $100/month or something.

Why is it not crossing your mind that she might have truly just forgotten to pay it over to you? Especially if he paid in cash. The idea that your first thought is that this is a scam rather than an overaite is weird and telling.

Do I have to fire her?

In February, we bought a plane ticket for our nanny’s adult son to come visit her, with the understanding that the son would pay us soon after he arrived. We have done this half a dozen times before and they have always paid us immediately or within a week or two.

Today, the son asked me for help booking another plane ticket and I just gently asked, hey, when do you think you’ll be able to pay us back for that other ticket?

Son was MORTIFIED and extremely confused and insisted he paid his mom the money back in February. He wasn’t at all defensive-just certain and emphatic, and immediately said, let’s call my mom and just try to find out what happened.

I believe the son-he was so sincere and shocked.

I really don’t want to let her go. There are times when I’ve wondered if this nanny might be a little sketchy, but we truly love her and she is so good to our family. She’s been with us since my daughter was born 2 years ago. I can’t bear the thought of letting her go.