Anonymous wrote:op: I didn't want to accept gas money because that would imply that this is a mutually beneficial arrangement, which I don't think it is, but to be polite, I accepted it when we stopped for gas.

Wow. Um, no, she needs to contribute SOMETHING, or she won’t value it. This is classic martyr behavior (coming from someone who has been in your position sooooo many times, you need to work on it).

Sounds like she won’t have a sitter or a driver for long.

I agree that you shouldn't be worrying about this. In terms of ethics though, there's no reason that her sitter shouldn't be able to ask for a couple of days off. An afternoon sitter isn't a full time employee, likely doesn't have guaranteed hours, isn't getting benefits, etc. They don't owe anyone their life and provided they ask in advance should be allowed to take a few days off here and there. That's what backup care is for, or the mother can take a day off herself. If she doesn't see it that way, seems like she will be looking for a new sitter very soon.

Anonymous wrote:op: I didn't want to accept gas money because that would imply that this is a mutually beneficial arrangement, which I don't think it is, but to be polite, I accepted it when we stopped for gas.

Well, if she gave you gas money, then it WOULD be a mutually beneficial arrangement. But you want to feel put upon, apparently.

Anonymous wrote:op: I didn't want to accept gas money because that would imply that this is a mutually beneficial arrangement, which I don't think it is, but to be polite, I accepted it when we stopped for gas.

So you want to resent her? What is up with you, OP? You feel like life has given you a raw deal and some people just get things handed to them?

op: I didn't want to accept gas money because that would imply that this is a mutually beneficial arrangement, which I don't think it is, but to be polite, I accepted it when we stopped for gas.

Anonymous wrote:op: Her summer internship is at the campus where I work, not the campus where she attends law school during the academic year. It's only a tiny bit out of my way. She called me and asked the favor and I blurted yes without thinking about it. I'm jealous that she doesn't have to work Fridays, doesn't have to worry much about child care because her parents live in our neighborhood, etc, so my resentment is making it a little hard to drive her. So far I've been polite to her but obviously I'm venting here so I'm not just a kind neighbor doing a favor!

She’s helping with gas, right?!

op: I don't really understand why she doesn't drive. I asked if she got into an accident on the highway. She said she did, as a child. I was thinking more as a driver. I wonder why she feels safe driving with me. I wonder if she's tried to overcome her phobia.

Anonymous wrote:op: Her summer internship is at the campus where I work, not the campus where she attends law school during the academic year. It's only a tiny bit out of my way. She called me and asked the favor and I blurted yes without thinking about it. I'm jealous that she doesn't have to work Fridays, doesn't have to worry much about child care because her parents live in our neighborhood, etc, so my resentment is making it a little hard to drive her. So far I've been polite to her but obviously I'm venting here so I'm not just a kind neighbor doing a favor!

The bigger issue is you resent driving her and are getting nothing in exchange. This has nothing to do with child care. Why not offer to let her pay your nanny to watch the kids if your nanny will agree instead.

This is between mom and her sitter.

op: Her summer internship is at the campus where I work, not the campus where she attends law school during the academic year. It's only a tiny bit out of my way. She called me and asked the favor and I blurted yes without thinking about it. I'm jealous that she doesn't have to work Fridays, doesn't have to worry much about child care because her parents live in our neighborhood, etc, so my resentment is making it a little hard to drive her. So far I've been polite to her but obviously I'm venting here so I'm not just a kind neighbor doing a favor!

It is entirely up to the Mother to have a back-up babysitter or two in place for such situations.

Mom needs to find a substitute but it is a job and Mom needs sitter to keep her job.

This mom sounds like a horrible employer. Why are you still driving her?! Let her drive herself.

Also, op, how often does this sitter come? Is there a regular schedule that is the same each week? And how much in advance did she ask for time off?

I drive a mom with a fear of highway driving to her summer internship, which is at my workplace. Today she told me she won't give her sitter the two days off this summer she requested (not in a row), because "it's a job, you have to show up". I replied that she should change her day off (Fridays) to accommodate the request. She rejected this idea. This mom takes uber to law school during the year. I think she will have a problem joining the workforce. I have a FT nanny because I work FT. I don't understand how anyone can expect an afternoon sitter to be available every single day they're needed.