OP here,

Thanks everyone for your input. I told the family whose baby died that I was sorry for their loss and am thinking of them and if they need a break I'm happy to take their older child to the park or something.

I told the other family I was sorry to hear the news and that I understand if they need to move in a different direction in terms of childcare.

Something felt off to me after they offered the job, I had a feeling something was going to happen, though in a million years I wouldn't have predicted a stillbirth. I genuinely liked both sets of parents and I feel really bad for them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“I was so sorry to hear of your recent loss. You are such a wonderful family and I am incredibly sorry to hear that wee will not be able to meet and care for your sweet baby. I hope that you find all the comfort possible at this trying time and that you and [Sibling] and [Family Members I Met By Name] have as much solace as you possibly can under the circumstances. Please let me know if there is anything I can do.”

Then you discuss logistics with the other family. “The loss of our share partner is incredibly tragic. I understand that it might be difficult for you to proccess their grief as you celebrate your own new arrival. I am not able to get by on less than $X per week, so unfortunately we will need to find a share partner unless you are able to meet my minimum rate at least temporarily. Would it be helpful if I began to search for a share partner myself?”

OP, please don't say this.

I was the PP and I thought originally that she had spent time with the family beyond that first interview. Having re-read the OP, I agree that bit is over-the-top.

Anonymous wrote:Just say you're so sorry for their loss. Keep it short. They met you once -nothing much is expected of you.

+1

I fully agree.
Very brief and consider that enough.

Anonymous wrote:“I was so sorry to hear of your recent loss. You are such a wonderful family and I am incredibly sorry to hear that wee will not be able to meet and care for your sweet baby. I hope that you find all the comfort possible at this trying time and that you and [Sibling] and [Family Members I Met By Name] have as much solace as you possibly can under the circumstances. Please let me know if there is anything I can do.”

Then you discuss logistics with the other family. “The loss of our share partner is incredibly tragic. I understand that it might be difficult for you to proccess their grief as you celebrate your own new arrival. I am not able to get by on less than $X per week, so unfortunately we will need to find a share partner unless you are able to meet my minimum rate at least temporarily. Would it be helpful if I began to search for a share partner myself?”

OP, please don't say this.

Just say you're so sorry for their loss. Keep it short. They met you once -nothing much is expected of you.

Anonymous wrote:“I was so sorry to hear of your recent loss. You are such a wonderful family and I am incredibly sorry to hear that wee will not be able to meet and care for your sweet baby. I hope that you find all the comfort possible at this trying time and that you and [Sibling] and [Family Members I Met By Name] have as much solace as you possibly can under the circumstances. Please let me know if there is anything I can do.”

Then you discuss logistics with the other family. “The loss of our share partner is incredibly tragic. I understand that it might be difficult for you to proccess their grief as you celebrate your own new arrival. I am not able to get by on less than $X per week, so unfortunately we will need to find a share partner unless you are able to meet my minimum rate at least temporarily. Would it be helpful if I began to search for a share partner myself?”

That’s too much and I wouldn’t say that.

Op, if you’re still interested in working with the other family, I would let them know and arrange a time to talk and let them lead the conversation. But of course, ask questions as the rates may or may not be different (just because people form shares, doesn’t mean that can’t afford to pay). When you guys meet (or talk over the phone) you could most definitely volunteer to search for another family.

“I was so sorry to hear of your recent loss. You are such a wonderful family and I am incredibly sorry to hear that wee will not be able to meet and care for your sweet baby. I hope that you find all the comfort possible at this trying time and that you and [Sibling] and [Family Members I Met By Name] have as much solace as you possibly can under the circumstances. Please let me know if there is anything I can do.”

Then you discuss logistics with the other family. “The loss of our share partner is incredibly tragic. I understand that it might be difficult for you to proccess their grief as you celebrate your own new arrival. I am not able to get by on less than $X per week, so unfortunately we will need to find a share partner unless you are able to meet my minimum rate at least temporarily. Would it be helpful if I began to search for a share partner myself?”

The only thing you can do is send your condolences via email- a simple “I’m sorry for your loss” is just fine. I lost my child after birth at 35 weeks. It’s never easy losing a loved one and it’s even harder losing a child. If you still think about them, it’s okay to ask their friend how that family is doing but the best thing for them at this moment is privacy and to be with family.

We had friends who devastatingly had this happen. I'm not sure there are any "right words" (though certainly there are some wrong ones...) I think given the fleeting relationship you had with them, it is sufficient to send a card (I would do that over an email) simply letting them know that you are thinking of them in their grief. If you really want to, you could also send on a game or book for the older child since I know our friends (who also had an older child) struggled with trying to stay present for the older one while processing what had happened.

If these families have a friendship such that you continue to see the family who lost their child once you start the job, I know one thing our friends really appreciated were people who reached out on the due date and the first anniversary (just to say "letting you know I'm thinking of your family today"--nothing more needed). They didn't want to make a big deal of it, but at the same time their own thoughts were very much on the lost baby at those moments. If you don't see them, though, that would feel like overstepping.

I was hired for a share that was to start in the fall. I was going to be caring for two babies who haven’t been born yet. I woke up this morning to an email from one of the families saying the other family went for their 38 wk appointment and learned their baby had died. I can’t begin to fathom how devastating that must be for them. I did a phone interview with that mom and then met all the parents together for the in person interview and then the other mom for finalizing details when they offered me the job.

The email asked not to send any texts but email is ok. I’ve never been in a situation like this before and wondered if any moms can give me a couple pointers on what to say (or not to say) in an email to them. I need to acknowledge this and say something. The other family is still interested in working with me but they simply don’t know what their needs will be now that the share is off the table, so i need to acknowledge that as well. Both families have an older child that i haven’t met and wasn’t going to be caring for.