OP maybe she doesnt like you that much. Maybe you are annoying. A person doesnt need to like everyone.

Anonymous wrote:My nanny judges too. And we are moving on at the end of her contract because of it.

I don't know if OP's nanny IS actually judging her! She get a "blank look" which certainly doesn't mean disapproval!

My nanny judges too. And we are moving on at the end of her contract because of it.

Are you seeking her approval? As a nanny, I have been doing this a long time and I have a lot of preferences for the way I think is best, but I also know that every family is different and there are lots of perfectly fine ways to handle most things. But I have had some bosses who don’t just want me to be accepting/supportive of their approach. They need me to actively congratulate them on doing every little thing perfectly. E.g., when I take Nk 2.5 to the park we walk. MB had the morning off and we all went to the park together. She said, “Do we need a stroller?”
I said, “I don’t usually use one.”
She said, “But it’s way too far. We definitely need a stroller.”
I shrugged and got thw stroller. On the way back she said, “Yeah. We definitely needed the stroller. Don’t you agree?”
I am surw I looked “blank.” I disagreed. But the stroller was fine. But I am not going to lie about it.

You sound paranoid OP. Or maybe she just doesn't like you as a person which is her choice.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our nanny never gave me a blank look unless she was distracted but one time I got a killer angry look shot at me! Literally took my breath away. She turned and flashed a glare at DH and I! And she was right to do so. Nanny told DS that he needed to pick up his toys and no Paw Patrol until he did. DH and I came in - DH was on his phone for work and I was carrying the baby who was crying and DS came running up to me and asked me if he could watch Paw Patrol. Nanny said that she told him he needed to pick up his toys first and I heard her but there was so much commotion going on and I said yes just to get one kid to stop whining. And we got the death stare! Then Nanny walked out of the room.

Whoa! I knew I was wrong and I knew I f-ed up big time and so did DH. I apologized, of course, when things called down and admitted that I was wrong.

Why didn't you just tell him he had to mind nanny?

PP here. I don't know. I was just overwhelmed at the moment when I just gave in. Temporary insanity. The thing is that Nanny and I have spoken many times about how important it is that my kids "mind" her - how it can be a situation of life and death and it is not an ego thing. It is also better for the child to have boundaries he can trust.

I was wrong. I knew it then and I know it now.

But man, I that look...

Anonymous wrote:Our nanny never gave me a blank look unless she was distracted but one time I got a killer angry look shot at me! Literally took my breath away. She turned and flashed a glare at DH and I! And she was right to do so. Nanny told DS that he needed to pick up his toys and no Paw Patrol until he did. DH and I came in - DH was on his phone for work and I was carrying the baby who was crying and DS came running up to me and asked me if he could watch Paw Patrol. Nanny said that she told him he needed to pick up his toys first and I heard her but there was so much commotion going on and I said yes just to get one kid to stop whining. And we got the death stare! Then Nanny walked out of the room.

Whoa! I knew I was wrong and I knew I f-ed up big time and so did DH. I apologized, of course, when things called down and admitted that I was wrong.

Why didn't you just tell him he had to mind nanny?

Anonymous wrote:Career nanny here. What do you do when this happens? I would address it on the spot, but in an open manner in order to assess the situation. “Nanny, do you think there is a better way?” Or something similar. Ask her her thoughts in the moment and do so without judgement or any tone in your voice. If indeed this look you are receiving is because she thinks you’re doing something wrong then you need to closely examine your relationship with the nanny. Are you doing something ridiculous like consistently giving in to tantrums or is the nanny judging you too harshly on small issues? If the latter, I’d let her go. It is important to have a good relationship with open communication.

+1
Can you give us a specific example or two, maybe? A new perspective on a certain situation may help you see that there couldn’t possibly be any reason for her to be judging you. I know I’m definitely someone who is guilty of over-thinking and over-analyzing things and reactions!

Career nanny here. What do you do when this happens? I would address it on the spot, but in an open manner in order to assess the situation. “Nanny, do you think there is a better way?” Or something similar. Ask her her thoughts in the moment and do so without judgement or any tone in your voice. If indeed this look you are receiving is because she thinks you’re doing something wrong then you need to closely examine your relationship with the nanny. Are you doing something ridiculous like consistently giving in to tantrums or is the nanny judging you too harshly on small issues? If the latter, I’d let her go. It is important to have a good relationship with open communication.

Our nanny never gave me a blank look unless she was distracted but one time I got a killer angry look shot at me! Literally took my breath away. She turned and flashed a glare at DH and I! And she was right to do so. Nanny told DS that he needed to pick up his toys and no Paw Patrol until he did. DH and I came in - DH was on his phone for work and I was carrying the baby who was crying and DS came running up to me and asked me if he could watch Paw Patrol. Nanny said that she told him he needed to pick up his toys first and I heard her but there was so much commotion going on and I said yes just to get one kid to stop whining. And we got the death stare! Then Nanny walked out of the room.

Whoa! I knew I was wrong and I knew I f-ed up big time and so did DH. I apologized, of course, when things called down and admitted that I was wrong.

The only time I do a blank look is when the parent is actually doing something counter-productive (may or may not be “wrong”). However, I always address it later, that way parents and I are on the same page. If a parent chooses to do something I can’t handle, I give me reasons and let them know it’s not something I can compromise.

Ask her.

But as a nanny I can pretty much guarantee that while you think she thinks you are diapering the baby wrong - nanny is actually thinking about if she locked her car or if she remembered to rsvp to a friend's invitation.

Blank looks generally mean "check out" and not judging.

Are you sure you aren't imagining it, OP? Sometimes I go blank when I am thinking about something else. If she had a reaction - startled, angry, etc - I would ask her about it but she is probably just thinking about something else.

MB here. To a significant extent try to just let it go. Be confident in your parenting. Be comfortable in knowing that this is your child, your home, your rules and she is your employee.

1 or 3 or 5 years from now the nanny will move on to another family. You're the Mom - no matter how amazing a nanny is (or anyone else) no one else is the mother of your child.

Do not let the nanny's opinions "hurt your feelings". It doesn't serve any useful purpose.

If necessary, you can say (in response to an expression you interpret as judging you) "Jane, I see your expression changed when I said that, and it makes me feel that you think I'm making a mistake. Should we discuss this?" Then maybe she'll speak her mind and you can decide whether or not you think she has a point and respond accordingly. Or maybe she'll just become more circumspect and not betray her emotions that way anymore.

But remember that you're a boss, not a friend. Try to get hurt feelings out of it. (I know this is easier said than done, I've totally BTDT, but it really is the truth that this is a job for the nanny - not a friendship, or family. It becomes easier to manage the relationship respectfully and professionally when you keep a more formal mindset.)

Good luck.

I can tell. She never says anything but I can tell she thinks I do certain things wrong and make wrong decisions. It really hurts my feelings when she gets that blank look on her face.

Otherwise she is a good nanny. Always on time, never once has called in sick or asked for time off, DS loves her completely and is a calm, happy and thriving little guy.

Should I address it or just let it go? I really don't want to lose her but I also don't want to feel bad.