It sounds to me that your husband was obviously joking. Just makes sure this doesn’t happen again and instead of joking you need to say when they are acting unprofessional. Yea she was late, but now you know words matter. Also, I don’t want to sound insensitive but is your nanny foreign born? My mom is Foreign born and sometimes doesn’t understand American humor or sayings

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thank you. I’m getting the feeling she took the position and found an excuse to back out. We double check her references ( she was referred to us by someone who’s best friends employed her for two years), and they spoke very highly of her skill set, experience, and her reliability. She balked at that the offer when we asked her to do housekeeping ( laundry for family, sweep/mom apparentment, dishes, make our bed, meal prep, etc.) and asked for a higher rate, which we paid. It just wasn’t a good fit, but I still am backing up my DH that he didn’t do anything wrong to warrant her behavior.

Ugh! Hire a maid. Make your bed!?! This is soooo far over the line! Do you have a healthy marriage and therefore a healthy sex life??? That’s disgusting.

Op here. Thank you. I’m getting the feeling she took the position and found an excuse to back out. We double check her references ( she was referred to us by someone who’s best friends employed her for two years), and they spoke very highly of her skill set, experience, and her reliability. She balked at that the offer when we asked her to do housekeeping ( laundry for family, sweep/mom apparentment, dishes, make our bed, meal prep, etc.) and asked for a higher rate, which we paid. It just wasn’t a good fit, but I still am backing up my DH that he didn’t do anything wrong to warrant her behavior.

I don’t accept that language in the families with I work and live. I don’t care if it’s between parents, parent to child, child to parent or between children. And I CERTAINLY don’t accept it directed towards me! Had I worked with you for more than the teial period, a contract would have been in effect, and abusive and/or threatening language is ALWAYS one of the conditions I list for immediate quitting, no notice. During a trial period? I wouldn’t have worked that day, I would have walked immediately and sent you a bill for time worked.

With that said, I’m never late, and being late twice in a row during a trial is very unprofessional. Next time, either ask references about reliability and timeliness and/or go through an agency.

Anonymous wrote:YOU know your husband was joking. Your HUSBAND knows he was joking.

She has known you both for seven days? She doesn't yet know what kind of temper you two have. She doesn't have a years-long history of seeing all your moods, knowing your sense of humor.

Your husband was wrong. I am an employer, and I am very careful with what I say to employees.

This. I wouldn't say that to a new employee in any workplace. It was not professional, and even if her reaction is outsized, you kind of can't blame her for bailing--she hardly knows you, she has no context to know whether you are joking or whether you are going to be verbally abusive. If this is how you talk to her in the first week, she doesn't know how bad it will get.

Anonymous wrote:YOU know your husband was joking. Your HUSBAND knows he was joking.

She has known you both for seven days? She doesn't yet know what kind of temper you two have. She doesn't have a years-long history of seeing all your moods, knowing your sense of humor.

Your husband was wrong. I am an employer, and I am very careful with what I say to employees.

Your Dh was totally in the wrong here. He should not have said that, especially with a new employee. Of course she felt threatened and was in her right to quit. IMO her tardiness is an issue and should have been addressed in a professional way.

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, write a negative review and open a world of hurt for yourselves when she posts that your DH threatened to kill her. You will get banned from care.com for sure.

The nanny didn’t like you or DH or the job. Move on.

+1. She can hurt you a lot more than you could ever hurt her.

Anonymous wrote:Your husband waaa fine. She is overreacting as most nannies do.

You know most nannies in the country? Amazing!

Yeah, write a negative review and open a world of hurt for yourselves when she posts that your DH threatened to kill her. You will get banned from care.com for sure.

The nanny didn’t like you or DH or the job. Move on.

Bad fit all around. Just move on. She was probably unhappy with the job and wanted an out. Your DH gave it to her.

She worked for you for a week, she doesn’t owe you any notice. I always put a two week trial (at minimum) in my contract; if any party is unhappy for any reason, we part ways. She doesn’t sound like a professional nanny and it doesn’t sound like you started the relationship on a professional footing. NO, don’t write a review. I can assure you that she will respond and that will stay on your profile as well. Go through an agency if you want more stability. They can provide temp care as well.

YOU know your husband was joking. Your HUSBAND knows he was joking.

She has known you both for seven days? She doesn't yet know what kind of temper you two have. She doesn't have a years-long history of seeing all your moods, knowing your sense of humor.

Your husband was wrong. I am an employer, and I am very careful with what I say to employees.

Your husband waaa fine. She is overreacting as most nannies do.

Your husband was wrong. However, she should not be showing up late for work given the reason for the nanny is so you can stay employed.

My nanny said she feel verbally threatened and quite today. She has only been with us since last week Monday, and she showed up late yesterday, and then again today. I have important meetings tomorrow, and my DH jokingly warned ( as he puts it) our nanny “ X will kill you if you show up late tomorrow”. She finished out her day, and then told me that she feels uncomfortable working in a situation where we cited physical violence against her. My DH and I think she is totally overacting. While he used poor choice of words, I don’t think it warrants her reaction. We would never inflict violence on anyone. Her friend was supposed to cover the rest of the week ( our nanny has to go of town), but now her friend said she can’t help us out, and I’m assuming it’s because our nanny told her we threatened her. Now I’m scrambling for backup, and I’m upset our nanny is overreacting. I feel like writing a negative review.