OP, getting your feelings hurt if you had your hopes up is completely normal. I wouldn't take a lack of response or a response you consider ruder personal though. I know it hurts and it's human to be hurt by refusal but just try to tell yourself that they didn't mean to hurt you.

(I applied for a job back in July, had an interview in August, was told I'd hear back in September - guess I didn't get it, as I haven't heard from them at all...)

Anonymous wrote:The not responding to the "thanks but we chose someone else" message is VERY normal.

It's also the (cultural) norm in many countries.

You apply for a job, you don't get hired - that's the end of it. There is no need to respond to a "we have to inform you that we cannot offer you a job" at all. No need to reply from the applicant's side and especially no need of thanks for not being hired (I am aware that in the US it's seen as a thank you for the time the employer set aside for you and to show gratitude for the opportunity, this is not the case in every other country in the world). It's not necessarily lack of politeness but rather a sign of how the hiring process in your prospective AP's home country works, coupled with her lack of knowledge of what is culturally expected in the US.

Hiring was part of my job (outside the US) for years. I can count replies to refusal letters on one hand. Why do I remember them? Because they were not the norm and usually people trying to force you to give them a job or to complain about us not hiring them. From "You all suck. I am sure you hired a woman less qualified just because she is a woman. I will sue you." and "I never wanted to work for you anyhow." to "I am no good in interviews. Look at my application letter again. That's who I really am. Think about hiring me again. I have all the qualifications you are looking for. Please reconsider." We also don't usually follow up after an interview - we showed up (on time) that's enough to show that we are interested in the job. There is no 'need' to follow up again. In many areas it's higly discouraged to do so because it is considered pushy and snappish rather than polite.

This is, again, mostly a sign of cultural differences. Most AP applicants have never lived in the US, have never worked in the US and don't (can't and don't have to) know what is expected from them in a US hiring process. Rude rejections are often caused by a lack of fluency in English and bad translations from their native language.

Now yes, some are simply rude. But you will always find your cut of rudes in any random sample.

this happened with us for most of the au pairs we interviewed and didn't select. i didn't feel hurt by it, but rather felt bad for them. they are likely hurt that you didn't select them. i had 1 au pair who loved us, and had been offered a match with another family, but wanted to wait in case we offered a match. but we were waiting to hear from 1 au pair who we already offered a match. We told her that we really liked her but we weren't going to offer a match. thanked her for her time and wished her lots of luck. we never heard from her again - which honestly is what we expected.

This non-response behavior will probably extend to not showing appreciation with politeness like saying thank-you's and please. So if you are a family where thank you's and please are important, then these kinds of AP are probably not going to be good fits for your family anyway. So, better to screen them out now before they get into your home and the annoyance multiples.

The no response is annoying for sure, but happens. Many of these candidates are receiving more connections than they used to or maybe they are missing your email. If connected, I usually check their mobile phone for WhatsApp...and reach out that way, with a quick hello and please check out our family. This generation is more into phones, instant messaging, than email.

The not responding to the "thanks but we chose someone else" message is VERY normal. In 7 years, I can count on one hand how many replied. One or two asked why and a few said thanks. Don't get your hopes up here. Would you reach out to a potential employer if they told you they chose someone else? Mmmm...think not.

Lower your expectations a bit...

There are some seemingly great APs that are not right for our family, and we are a great family that is not right for all APs. I do find the non-response annoying, but I'd rather know now than later. I couldn't handle that level of indifference towards clear communication in someone who is watching my children.
That said, there are some challenges in our profile and I don't reach out to APs until I am pretty sure they've talked to a few families or been in the system long enough to realize that a match is not perfection but a willingness to work together.

Au pairs are not perceiving participating in program as job offer or money making deal. Au pair candidate is mostly student-attending classes, preparing, studying, making projects. That candidates might also work on weekends. They might have winter breaks and be with families or friends. They are not in a hurry. As an Au pair you wait for so called perfect match. HP need to nonvience them to come to another country to live in strange place and people. If HP won't portray their house situation as 'good working conditions' that candidate is simply not interested and waiting for another option. It's not the goal to search for HP, the agency is sending their profiles to the candidates.

The trolls will love this...but does anyone ever feel a bit wounded by a rude rejection to a match offer or a lack of response to a “we’ve decided to chose someone else” after a week of emailing and a Skype or two? I think it’s just common curtesy to Thank someone to their interest in an application and wish them the best. We do this every time. I have had so many rude candidates this time. Zero response, response: “I am not interested” (and that’s it! No thank you, no “have a great day”, etc)... I move on within 5 minutes but I feel like candidates are getting ruder!!!!