Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The parents have spoiled the kid rotten. Get out of there!

+10000x

Autistic teens have the capability to be respectful just like everyone else their age.
This child likely uses her disorder to justify swearing and it appears she is getting away with it.
Aspergers minors are usually very very intellectual.
More so than their own peers and above.

Exactly.

[quote=Anonymous]I would strongly advise[b] AGAINST [/b]bringing up the 14 year old's manners. I mean, they are pretty awful, but there is no way that this mother would not become defensive about it. I think you have to

1. make it about you, and
2. not give detailed reasons

So, something like "I can't make it work right now." If you feel pushed to give more, keep it vague -- "my life has gotten unexpectedly more complicated, and I just have to focus on that. It's too much to talk about."

Reasons are things to argue about.[/quote]

Edited for important word.

I would strongly advise bringing up the 14 year old's manners. I mean, they are pretty awful, but there is no way that this mother would not become defensive about it. I think you have to

1. make it about you, and
2. not give detailed reasons

So, something like "I can't make it work right now." If you feel pushed to give more, keep it vague -- "my life has gotten unexpectedly more complicated, and I just have to focus on that. It's too much to talk about."

Reasons are things to argue about.

Thanks everyone for your input.

I feel much better now that I am armed w/some new info since I have zero experience w/Aspergers.
Yet at the same time, I just didn’t feel right letting someone talk to me in such a bad manner w/out being able to defend myself or respond.

Anonymous wrote:OP Here-
Thank you for the great responses thus far.
I value all of your feedback.

What is your view on behavioral issues here?
If a minor has Aspergers and uses bad language to an adult, is the minor completely fautless due to her Autism?
In other words, should they be given a free pass to be disrespectful since they really cannot control their behavior?

I really need to learn if this is true or not.
Thx!!

I had severe depression, undiagnosed Aspergers, and significant learning disabilities as a kid. And guess what? I still had to say please, thank you, excuse me, I'm sorry. I wasn't allowed to interrupt, I had a list of chores to do (granted, I needed to be reminded often), and I helped around the house. Did I cut a lot of classes in 10th grade? Yes. Did I wind up getting kicked out of school? Yes. Did I wind up at a high school for kids with behavioral problems? Yes. But I still had to be polite and fulfill obligations.

Wow. No way. Teenagers are one thing, teens with aspergers are generally easier. Suicidal teens generally don’t threaten to suicide, they just do it. This child has simply learned that threatening it once got her out of doing anything she didn’t want to do. HOWEVER! That doesn’t matter. It’s not your child, not your business how she behaves except when with you. You need to stop sitting with them (a 14 year old and a 10 year old only need a sitter if there are special needs, and teens with Aspergers generally are high functioning enough to not need an adult every second, but it sounds like you were hired due to the suicide threats). You need to take a step back from both kids, just be there for your friend, to talk, sympathize, mostly just to listen. Leave your preconceptions at the door and just be her friend.

I’ve been a nanny for several teens, tutored plenty of others, volunteered with even more. Teens aren’t easy. They’re mouthy, independent, vulnerable, emotional, impulsive, irrational. But at the end of the day, they’re children caught in the middle of a huge transformation, and every year it just gets harder because the lines between child, teen and adult blur even more.

Anonymous wrote:The autistic child should have a special needs caregiver - not you.

Do not care for the girls again.

+1 What if the rudeness turns to violence? Sad situation, but it's not one you have to suffer through.

The autistic child should have a special needs caregiver - not you.

Do not care for the girls again.

Autistic kids have social and other issues but there is no excuse for that behavior. She should be in school and not controlling everyone's daily lives. Structure and routine is good. She should be punished for that behavior. If she threatens suicide or is sucidial she should be immediately evaluated and hospitalized, if necessary.

Anonymous wrote:The parents have spoiled the kid rotten. Get out of there!

+10000x

Autistic teens have the capability to be respectful just like everyone else their age.
This child likely uses her disorder to justify swearing and it appears she is getting away with it.
Aspergers minors are usually very very intellectual.
More so than their own peers and above.

OP Here-
Thank you for the great responses thus far.
I value all of your feedback.

What is your view on behavioral issues here?
If a minor has Aspergers and uses bad language to an adult, is the minor completely fautless due to her Autism?
In other words, should they be given a free pass to be disrespectful since they really cannot control their behavior?

I really need to learn if this is true or not.
Thx!!

The parents have spoiled the kid rotten. Get out of there!

You need to get out of the situation. Tell your friend you wish you could continue to help but you are not qualified to deal with her daughters issues. Tell her you don't want to lose the friendship or leave her stranded so you'll babysit through Feb but no longer. That gives her time to make arrangements for her daughter. Tell her your happy to help out with the 10 year old if she needs it.

I think that this is going to ruin your friendship. And that is a shame.

My advice is: Get out of this situation while your friendship is still salvageable. Help her find a sitter who has experience in this realm.

My best friend has two granddaughters, 10 & 14.

The 14 yr. old has Aspergers as well as mental problems.

She doesn’t go to school since she tells her parents she will commit suicide if they force her to go.
So they let her stay home.
Her shrink has written a note for the school, basically giving her permission for “medical leave.”
She stays inside her bedroom ALL day, playing games on her laptop.
She only comes out for meals and weekly Dr. appointments.

She goes to bed whenever she wants + wakes up whenever she wants too.
She has no chores, responsibilities or anything in her life.
It’s just a bad situation all around.

I babysit the two girls weekly so the parents can get a break.
The troubled 14 yr. old is so angry + rude to me.

For example, the other day I was playing a board game in the kitchen w/the 10 yr. old and the 14 yr. old yelled at us to shut the f#%k up because she couldn’t hear her game on her laptop.
She has also asked me to mind my f’ing business when I remind her to take her Prozac in the evening.

I was raised by very strict parents and would have gotten a huge punishment had I ever spoken to ANY adult in that manner.
My parents would have served me my a@% on a platter.

I feel like I am letting her boss me around and lose my authority by letting her get away w/speaking to me like this as well as treating me the same.
I never let my or any other kids talk to me in this manner.

But my friend says because she has Aspergers + Mental Illness that she really cannot help what she says/does.
That she shouldn’t be punished since she cannot hell how she behaves.
It is all out of her control.

I have zero experience caring for anyone w/Aspergers combined w/mental illness and I find this behavior unacceptable & cannot tolerate how she must always get her way or she threatens suicide.

I want to cease babysitting, but my friend is begging me to stay.

What do you all think I should do here?