All fine and dandy when both sides are on good terms. I understand that since HF is paying someone anyway to clean or babysit or do whatever the non-program extra is, then why not benefit the AP by letting her do it and earn the cash ... seems like win-win all around. But like PP said, when things start to go bad, it is ammunition. As a HF, it is not worth the risk for me. There is enough drama as it is.

I also think there is a big difference between AP who goes the extra mile and does extra around the house, dog walking, etc and then HF gives card/gift card, etc to show appreciation for AP going above and beyond. The problem arises when AP and HF have a "set agreement" of $/week for extra jobs and/or hours. This quickly enters into the realm of a "contract" which is so explicitly against the program and visa rules. Yes, things may appear "perfect" in your relationship now, but the minute things head south, this arrangement is low hanging fruit for AP. AP will use it and you as the HP will be the one on the wrong side because you are the "grown-up". It just isn't worth it.

Rematch is messy, no matter how legitimate the reason. The rematch profile and LCC write-up might say, "AP is looking to be treated like a family member", and minimize the fact that AP left a child home alone, etc.

Agencies have seen and heard all of this stuff, and they also realize that APs will agree to break the rules for $20, for their own benefit, until they decide to use it against the HF, also for their own benefit.

Anonymous wrote:I know it was against the program rules.

That's why the family can ASK and not impose.

The girls don't make a lot of money, even $20 extra per week can make a difference.

All fine and dandy when both sides are on good terms. I understand that since HF is paying someone anyway to clean or babysit or do whatever the non-program extra is, then why not benefit the AP by letting her do it and earn the cash ... seems like win-win all around. But like PP said, when things start to go bad, it is ammunition. As a HF, it is not worth the risk for me. There is enough drama as it is.

Within program rules, we ask APs to help out with dishes, trash, and occasional meals. If AP uses a car, then he/she could take it in for a car wash or for maintenance/repairs, costs paid for by HF.

Anonymous wrote:Got my popcorn and glass of wine. Let the fireworks begin.

haha! This question seems to pop-up every month on this forum, and consistently unleashes loaded responses.

I know it was against the program rules.

That's why the family can ASK and not impose.

The girls don't make a lot of money, even $20 extra per week can make a difference.

I 100% disagree. Why encourage HF to break rules over $20/week? We invest a lot or money and time to bring AP here. Why risk putting ourselves on the agency blacklist for breaking rules? It is not about asking vs imposing. Just don't do it. APs are also risking it by doing this for other families...babysitting, cleaning, etc.

I know it was against the program rules.

That's why the family can ASK and not impose.

The girls don't make a lot of money, even $20 extra per week can make a difference.

I'm sure you can ask for more but you don't have to force it, just ask if she's ok and pay a little extra, I'm sure the AP will agree to do it.

I used to be an AP and my family asked me if I'd agree to do some extra cleaning tasks during the baby's nap, they gave me some $, it wasn't much but it paid my monthly subway pass and it meant a lot to me Everybody was happy.

This is actually against the program rules, so I wouldn't go there. If things don't go well, AP can/will report it to LCC. Technically, you are not supposed to ask AP to do extra babysitting or housework even if you are paying. Honestly, just not worth the hassle for the moment when AP is disgruntled about something unrelated and uses this against you.

Kids laundry, keeping their bedrooms tidy ... and cooking for the kids are the basics.

As a "family member" : dishwasher, cleaning up after dinner, taking the trash out ...
Meaning that sometimes the parents do it as well, it's not a one way street ...

The AP shouldn't cook for the whole family unless she wants to. She's not there to cater to everybody. But asking her to cook one easy dinner a week sounds reasonable.

The whole food shopping can't be done solely by the AP. But she can go to the supermarket and grab butter, bread or whatever items are missing.

The master word here is to be reasonable on all aspects.

I'm sure you can ask for more but you don't have to force it, just ask if she's ok and pay a little extra, I'm sure the AP will agree to do it.

I used to be an AP and my family asked me if I'd agree to do some extra cleaning tasks during the baby's nap, they gave me some $, it wasn't much but it paid my monthly subway pass and it meant a lot to me Everybody was happy.

Hi Au pair here, PP is correct!
I do all my host child's laundry, keep her room tidy and of course my own laundry and room. I also cook meals for my family 2-3 days a week and help set up for dinner and tidy up at the end. I assist with food shopping too.
Not all Au pairs are required to do so it depends on the family. My family are happy to do a variety of other things - yes I have offered to do so and will often lend a helping hand even off duty.

Take a quick look at the guidelines for hosting an Au Pair on any of the au pair agencies. Yes, au pairs are “permitted” and/or expected to do any child-related household tasks including the children’s laundry, cooking, food shopping or other errands and cleaning up after them. Of course every family will have their own guidelines but those are the “rules” - an Au Pair cannot substitute for a housekeeper because all their chores must be related to the children.

Anonymous wrote:Got my popcorn and glass of wine. Let the fireworks begin.

Oh c'mon I'm truly curious here. At least wait for several responses before acting snarky.

Got my popcorn and glass of wine. Let the fireworks begin.

Well maybe not so much housework but just curious what au pairs do outside of actual child care-the kid's laundry? Do they cook for the kids? What about dishes and stuff? Does it vary from family to family or are there guidelines to what responsibilities au pairs have when they're not watching the kids?