Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you were 20-40, would you want to hang out with a 60 year old who is basically the age of your mom?

OP you just got your answer right there.

Believe me, I understand that 100% - I don't want to hang out with 20-40 year old either. I am doing this for my charge who would benefit from being at other kids' houses especially as the weather changes and we spend less time outdoors.

The 20-40 year olds don't have a problem eating our snacks, using our paints and paper, play-dough, sensory bins, and toys. The mothers actually ask me a lot of child development questions but no - I don't need new friends. My little charge does.

OP, it sounds like you’re the “teacher” of the group - I would have never asked a teacher for a play date, because that feels like overstepping to me. I don’t think they see you as the help so much as the leader, and they’re not inviting you because of that role.

Anonymous wrote:If you were 20-40, would you want to hang out with a 60 year old who is basically the age of your mom?

OP you just got your answer right there.

If you were 20-40, would you want to hang out with a 60 year old who is basically the age of your mom?

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Sorry if I wasn't clear - I want to keep hosting our playgroup and facilitating the activities. I would like for any one of the mothers who come to this playgroup to invite my charge and I over as "pay back" sometimes. Only the other nanny has invited us over at another time.

OK. This is a weird dynamic, though. Usually, play dates are fewer kids, and the point is partially for the adults to chat and get to know each other while the kids play. With the play date you're describing, you're running it, and the others are attending it. They're not developing the personal relationship with you that would lead to them inviting you over at some other time for a very different experience (a traditional play date). They see you more as the "teacher" than as a friend with a same-age kid, much like they might think of the library story-time leader.

I'm not sure what to suggest, besides making sure that you're doing more socializing with the adults during these weekly events.

I used to SAH and my playgroup had 2 nannies in it. They were invited to everything. Interestingly, they never offered to host, which I assumed was because the child’s house wasn’t their own. Several moms also never hosted, possibly out of laziness, or because house wasn’t big enough, etc. Its possible you are with a group of snobby moms, but all moms certainly do not think that way.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Sorry if I wasn't clear - I want to keep hosting our playgroup and facilitating the activities. I would like for any one of the mothers who come to this playgroup to invite my charge and I over as "pay back" sometimes. Only the other nanny has invited us over at another time.

I think they see this more as a mini-preschool. Not as a playdate. And quite frankly, most mothers are not going to invite nannies over.

OP here. Sorry if I wasn't clear - I want to keep hosting our playgroup and facilitating the activities. I would like for any one of the mothers who come to this playgroup to invite my charge and I over as "pay back" sometimes. Only the other nanny has invited us over at another time.

You facilitate and host it. How should the others know you want them to host it?

I would assume you do it because you're the former teacher.

Anonymous wrote:While I agree that this particular group they probably all assume that this is your “thing” and didn’t realize you intended it to be reciprocal, it is also generally true that most moms want to make mom friends vs. befriending nannies.

There are lots of moms in this group as OP describes it, and they're already attending regularly with the two nannies. I don't think she's going to lose people because of the make up of the group.

OP, as you describe it, it is a lot of work, and the moms in particular may not feel like they know how to make it happen, or feel like they can prep their houses. Maybe if you offer to help people come up with the craft for the week and put together a little schedule that each session follows, they'd be more likely to stay in the group and take their turn hosting. If you really have 8 people, that would only be once every few months, and I bet most people would be willing to do it.

While I agree that this particular group they probably all assume that this is your “thing” and didn’t realize you intended it to be reciprocal, it is also generally true that most moms want to make mom friends vs. befriending nannies.

You need to make it clear that you want to start rotating the hosting.
I was a Nanny for 7 years with the same family and when the kids were little we did a playgroup with one other Nanny and 3 other Moms, We rotated every week so everyone only had to host once every 5 weeks.

Educated or not, you are the help. Yes, there is a caste system and you are the lowest.

The way you describe it, it sounds like you are in charge of the group and the play date. I also think that it's so regular, that people may not realize that you were thinking of it more like a casual, reciprocal play date.

You need to reorganize it to make it a more "formal" group, where everyone takes a turn. You may lose some people, but I'm guessing people just think this is your thing that you do every week at the same time.

I am a nanny with a master's degree in Early Childhood Development and a former preschool teacher. I am also older (60). Every week I facilitate and host a playgroup for my 22 month old charge and about seven other children around the same age. We have free-play, do a craft, and have a story time. It is a lot of work to set up and clean up from but I know it benefits my charge.

However, the only person who ever reciprocates or asks my charge and I over to play at their home is he one other nanny - all the rest are SAHMs. None of the other five or six mothers has ever invited us over. It is really starting to anger me.

Has any other nanny encountered this?

TIA