Yes. Yes, of course she wants the child to cry for her.

I work for a WAHM and she does this every single day. It's so hard for me, and even harder for the kids.

Yes, some MBs love the "show" - apparently your MB is one of them. Just a little mother-insecurity. Don't let it bother you, OP, especially if it is only a rare occurrence.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When we are traveling, my twenty-month-old charge will cry when her mother leaves. I know this is appropriate/not unusual given her age and our being away from her home. However, yesterday I saw MB smiling when her child was crying. MB dragged out the good-bye which made it so much harder for my charge than was necessary. This may have to do with the fact that there was another couple there - perhaps as a show?

While I do like my MB a great deal and love my job - this little exhibition yesterday really bothered me and has shaded my good opinion of her.

I don't understand why any person - much less a mother - would want their child to be unhappy for any reason.

Well, then, you are way too sensitive. So of the countless times that MB says bye to DC, she drags it out once and this bothers you?!?

Also, a 20 month old knows the drill. Mommy is leaving so kid needs to make a big show of tears in hopes of keeping mommy around a little longer. Tears in this situation don't manifest any real unhappiness. I'm an MB and I never drag out goodbyes as DD is prone to yanking my long hair. But I sometimes do smile when she cries in other situations as I think "darn, you're cute even when you cry!" and it's only when she's "fake crying," not inconsolable.

Loosen up.

@PP/MB While I do see your point of view here and understand your view under the assumption that the child may have fake tears or may just be throwing an harmless tantrum because he/she hopes Mum may decided to stay home. But do consider that even though I am a nanny and understand OPs situation perfectly because I have also experienced her situation if not worse, and also understand that mothers find it difficult to leave firmly but with assurance to their child, if I were a mother, for the child and nanny's sake, I would not drag the goodbyes too much or keep going back/upsetting the child (I understand its hard when in front of others, but you have to remember you are doing it to help your child and they may not know that or have to). Why? The problem is not because the child may not actually be upset-- but again how would anyone know? whether the child's tears are real or not is not the issue. The issue is the implication mothers may be giving the child and/or nanny or anyone watching. Children observe and pick up cues quickly and what mother/father consistently do when leaving for work in the morning has some kind of influence on how children respond and many times it may not actually be because of nanny's poor performance/bonding with the children (which seems to be what some not all parents try to either imply or compete with for some odd reason). Parents have the choice to either leave for while while assuring their children that it is okay for them to leave, they will be back, and that the quicker toddler realizes its okay and more fun not to cry/whine for Mum (whether its real tears or not), the better it is for him OR they can choose to leave their child feeling insecure, dragging out goodbyes and causing children to cry.

Here's a fact: children should and will cry for Mum/Dad and they should want them to stay- after all they are their parents and its a natural response/reaction. Nannies do not deny this (at least good nannies) and think children should not want their parents. So with that said if the parent's intention is to make child or nanny feel insecure, then thats problem they may want to reflect on as to why they feel the need to do that because at the end of the day it is not good for the child or nanny. Same applies for nanny- sometimes children may cry for or want nanny more than Mum simply because children may sometimes associate more with who they have spent the most time with that day/week. As a nanny I do my best to help child realize that Mum is here and I don't do too much to make parents feel insecure as awkward as it seems e.g I make my transition quick and assuring. I start the transition 15mins before parents usually come home to prepare the child that I'll be leaving and parents will be home. When parents arrive, I say something like "Okay (insert name)....time for (my name) to go bye bye now, I'll see you tomorrow okay, have fun doing (insert activity) with Mum/Daddy!" and I leave. I don't keep going back and dragging things especially if it seems like mother/father may be affected with child crying for me....cause I know its my time to let parents take over and as long as the child is aware of transition, he may or may not have real tears, but its okay and they know how to help him settle down.

What I've observed some parents (not all) do even sometimes to each other is say things like "awww he doesnt want daddy he likes mom better" (not good for the father bonding with child..) or "aaww he wants me..." or keep coming back and upsetting the child thus confusing the child as to whether they are leaving or not/ nanny time or not. Some say things that for a child may not seem very reassuring that they will be okay, parents always come back later, nanny is here to take care of them and they will be safe with her, and they are fun activities lined up and crying won't make it fun. I get that some new parents actually are unsure of what to do. But from a nanny, I'd advise that the best thing to do for your child and nanny/preschool teachers is to assure your child that though its okay to get upset and cry, caregivers are there for them for the day, that is the routine they'll need to learn (e.g remind them "remember we always go to school or Lisa comes to take care of you everyday),they will be okay and mum/dad will be back so no need to cry--and as hard as it may be, try not to keep coming back because that makes it difficult for the child to learn and understand the routine, settle down quickly thus work with his/her peers at school or engage with nanny via other activities/distraction.

When beginning a job with a family, I allow parents to have an open discussion with me about their style for morning leaving routines just so we are on the same page when it comes to helping kids settle down if there is any need to at all (usually when parents are consistent, children settle quicker and less likely to have frequent separation anxiety). Of course there are other cases of severe separation anxiety in children that has nothing to do with what parents do when they leave for work.

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she felt awkward that her kid was crying, in front of others, and that's why she dragged it out. And it might have been an uncomfortable, awkward smile. You sound kind of awful and judgmental.

Yes! Let's judge the nanny based on a few lines and not the subject of the post! It is so much easier that way.

As an MB, I have to say that a lot of mothers desperately want their child to miss them and cry for them. I have seen it in real life as well as read it here. so yes - the MB probably did drag it out a bit for the appearance.

Yes. Yes she does.

Maybe she felt awkward that her kid was crying, in front of others, and that's why she dragged it out. And it might have been an uncomfortable, awkward smile. You sound kind of awful and judgmental.

Absolutly not! I want my kid to love his nanny so much he doesn't even notice when I walk out the door.

One MB on this forum admitted that she wanted her child to cry when she left. So yeah - your MB was probably happy that her friends got to see how much her child loved her. Pathetic but whatever.

Yes, in general, MB's want their children to miss them. And everyone puts on a little motherly show when friends are around. Your MB is human, OP.

Anonymous wrote:When we are traveling, my twenty-month-old charge will cry when her mother leaves. I know this is appropriate/not unusual given her age and our being away from her home. However, yesterday I saw MB smiling when her child was crying. MB dragged out the good-bye which made it so much harder for my charge than was necessary. This may have to do with the fact that there was another couple there - perhaps as a show?

While I do like my MB a great deal and love my job - this little exhibition yesterday really bothered me and has shaded my good opinion of her.

I don't understand why any person - much less a mother - would want their child to be unhappy for any reason.

Well, then, you are way too sensitive. So of the countless times that MB says bye to DC, she drags it out once and this bothers you?!?

Also, a 20 month old knows the drill. Mommy is leaving so kid needs to make a big show of tears in hopes of keeping mommy around a little longer. Tears in this situation don't manifest any real unhappiness. I'm an MB and I never drag out goodbyes as DD is prone to yanking my long hair. But I sometimes do smile when she cries in other situations as I think "darn, you're cute even when you cry!" and it's only when she's "fake crying," not inconsolable.

Loosen up.

When we are traveling, my twenty-month-old charge will cry when her mother leaves. I know this is appropriate/not unusual given her age and our being away from her home. However, yesterday I saw MB smiling when her child was crying. MB dragged out the good-bye which made it so much harder for my charge than was necessary. This may have to do with the fact that there was another couple there - perhaps as a show?

While I do like my MB a great deal and love my job - this little exhibition yesterday really bothered me and has shaded my good opinion of her.

I don't understand why any person - much less a mother - would want their child to be unhappy for any reason.