Anonymous wrote:Another MB here. Looking me up on social media is very different than contacting me for a reference through social media. If specified which way to contact me to my former nanny, and want it to be respected. If I wanted to be contacted by FB, I would have put that as a proper way to contact me. She was in the wrong.

But contacting you through SM is the only way to confirm you're actually you. Otherwise, you're just some voice on a phone number nanny gave me.

Another MB here. Looking me up on social media is very different than contacting me for a reference through social media. If specified which way to contact me to my former nanny, and want it to be respected. If I wanted to be contacted by FB, I would have put that as a proper way to contact me. She was in the wrong.

Anonymous wrote:She wanted to make sure whoever she was talking to was really the person they were supposed to be. Isn't that obvious? The voice on the phone or person behind the email could be anyone; after all, you provided the details. Going through FB is a way to verify they are who they say they are; not perfect, but definitely a good double-checking mechanism. I would do the same thing if you didn't have any references that I could confirm in other ways (neighborhood lostserv, rec from friend, etc). I'd be particularly inclined to do this if the recommender lived in a different city.

Verifying they are the real person and contacting them via fb are two different things

Anonymous wrote:MB here. I would be annoyed and find it a lack or privacy. I would expect they contact me by call or email, not my personal social media accounts. I would eject any off you get from this family.

If you are publicly searchable on FB, it is odd that you find it "a lack o[f] privacy" for someone to use the function that you have signed yourself up for.

I would not take this job! I don't even like for employers to try searching for me on social media. I keep my search options limited to friends and don't use my last name on fb.

It intrusive and sort of a red flag, but at the same time they are "searchable" to anyone when they don't have to be. Also can't really blame the future mb for wanting to match the names and faces etc so she feels more comfortable and knows its real people.

I suppose this is the sort of thing you deal with on all sides when you don't work through and for a reputable agency. Agencies vet families and once the family calls they know that the family has also used the same agency.

Anonymous wrote:MB here. I would be annoyed and find it a lack or privacy. I would expect they contact me by call or email, not my personal social media accounts. I would eject any off you get from this family.

* reject any offer..

Anonymous wrote:MB here. I would be annoyed and find it a lack or privacy. I would expect they contact me by call or email, not my personal social media accounts. I would eject any off you get from this family.

+1

MB here. I would be annoyed and find it a lack or privacy. I would expect they contact me by call or email, not my personal social media accounts. I would eject any off you get from this family.

By the way, if your reference has her details publicly searchable for anyone on FB, it's a little weird to get mad if someone searches for you and contacts you. And, honestly, a FB messenger message is no more "intrusive" than an email and less so than a phone call. Seems weird that your reference got upset.

She wanted to make sure whoever she was talking to was really the person they were supposed to be. Isn't that obvious? The voice on the phone or person behind the email could be anyone; after all, you provided the details. Going through FB is a way to verify they are who they say they are; not perfect, but definitely a good double-checking mechanism. I would do the same thing if you didn't have any references that I could confirm in other ways (neighborhood lostserv, rec from friend, etc). I'd be particularly inclined to do this if the recommender lived in a different city.

I would be mad too OP,
This is just wrong.

Hopefully you won't take this job if offered.

Run!

I feel it's shows a clear lack of respect for boundaries. It's a red flag!

I am really mad that this potential MB contacted my references through FB. She had their number and email, but after looking them up, sent them a message. One of my references was mad and found that really intrusive. I feel terrible but don't know how to go about telling this woman she shouldn't have reached out by FB messenger.