Anonymous wrote:Start small with the important things, and add as you learn.

Top things to put in for us:
- schedule and chores expectations
- car usage
- cell phone usage
- Visitors (personally, this is more for visiting family- we have had 8 APs and some assume their family can come stay in our home for weeks. I don't mind local friends visiting, though we state 'no romantic sleepovers')

I also have a second book with emergency numbers, activities, menus ideas and appliance instructions. I don't consider this the family handbook and I don't share until arrival.

I don't really list much in my guide about who pays for what except that I chip in app. $20 of extra food of her liking per week if she wants to add to the shopping list, and that we cover for gas for her personal usage (within reason, which I describe as more of less as one tank per week for kids activities + parent local drives + her school and social stuff).

I forgot to mention that I do send it prior to matching, and schedule a skype to cover any questions she may have. We also review page by page in her native language (which is also my language) when during her first 3 days with us. So there is no 'I didn't know that'. A little extreme, but I remember reading about one host mom who made AP initialize every page of the handbook as they read through it...!

Start small with the important things, and add as you learn.

Top things to put in for us:
- schedule and chores expectations
- car usage
- cell phone usage
- Visitors (personally, this is more for visiting family- we have had 8 APs and some assume their family can come stay in our home for weeks. I don't mind local friends visiting, though we state 'no romantic sleepovers')

I also have a second book with emergency numbers, activities, menus ideas and appliance instructions. I don't consider this the family handbook and I don't share until arrival.

I don't really list much in my guide about who pays for what except that I chip in app. $20 of extra food of her liking per week if she wants to add to the shopping list, and that we cover for gas for her personal usage (within reason, which I describe as more of less as one tank per week for kids activities + parent local drives + her school and social stuff).

I put a lot of detail into our online profile and mention many of the same points the previous post mentioned both in our profile and interview. But I don't share the handbook. Our handbook is very detailed with phone numbers, addresses, contact info, dr's info, schedules with chores, likes/dislikes of the kids for foods, discipline suggestions, etc, etc. We review it the first weekend. I also include fun activities in the area, best sites to check for events, best movie theaters or shopping, etc.

I refer them back to it often in the first couple months. It is meant to help them with the kids and adjusting to life here.

You can be detailed -- yet positive. I just don't want the comment, 'you never told me XYZ.' Yes, in fact, it's in writing. I allow my current au pairs to provide feedback on the handbook for the next au pair so it evolves over time.

The best part -- you really only have to do it once. After that, you just tweak it each year.

Agree - we always send the handbook as the last step in the process before offering her the job. We have things in there like a car curfew and no male over night guests rule that put a real stake in the ground. Be 100% honest in all phases of matching, including in your handbook, to ensure you maximize your chances of a successful year. Bait and switch is the # one reason APs rematch so dont allow her to claim you havent hold her the whole sorid truth about what her life will be like :-p

Whether the handbook is long or short, detailed or general etc. depends on your preference, personality, and comfort level. It should represent YOU and your family. The handbook is an extension of your family culture. A detailed oriented household may not be a good fit for an AP who likes to be more casual. Write the handbook in a way that speaks to who you and your family are. There is no one right version of a handbook. If you are not comfortable with listing "you pay for X", then don't. Sharing the handbook during the matching interview can be part of the litmus test to see if your style and personality will mesh with hers.

Looking at several sample handbooks and feeling a little lost at getting ours started. Some people seem very detailed, with things like very specific lists of who pays for what, very specific schedules, every possible situation addressed in the book and others have shorter paragraphs for each section and yet seem to cover things well. My head is spinning and I've got no idea which approach to take. Did you all with very specific, detailed handbooks feel like the effort was worth it? Did the AP actually read it all? Did you find it was necessary down the road? Some of these seem to have a more negative feel for some reason- like a list of we pay for X, you pay for X, where others the family just says we pay for X. In a way the second approach seems more positive because you haven't reminded them of all the little things you chose not to pay for (such as tampons- does that really need to be listed?) , but yet you did list what you are paying for. ON the other hand if your family did not list we are not paying for X, did you have confusion and APs that expected you to pay for things above what you listed? Also, our AP will have childcare related duties while the children are not there such as laundry and room tidying. I can't decide if I should say 1- 2:30 pm, laundry, room tidying, etc on the schedule, or say 1.5 hours of your choice to complete the laundry, etc. Ugh.