I'm a first time HM as well, 10pm curfew during the week and 2am on weekends. When our au pair wants to hang out late, she typically stays with a friend overnight on weekends. She definitely needs a curfew as you can't assume she's responsible.

We had an AP who was home but on the phone at 2am a few too many times. It woke the family up and she was so, so tired for 7am work. I told her I wouldn't trust her driving my kids on so little sleep, and if she couldn't drive then I'd have to find a rematch to do the job. She stopped waking up to call her family in the middle of the night. I expect my au pairs to take care of themselves and to be able to responsibly show up for work, so we have no set curfew otherwise.

I think it's ok to have a curfew before a workday. They are taking care of my children. You have to be home 8 hours before a shift starts. I don't want someone coming home at 3a and then trying to take care of my kids at 8a. Many of the AP's are relatively young and it's meant to be a guide. Also -- we're up front about it and I'm fine if that scare off girls that are just here to party.
We say that the car has a 2a curfew (I don't want them driving when they are overtired).
They don't have a curfew on weekends, but I ask that they are mature adults sharing a home. I like to know if I should expect them home and roughly what time (i.e. staying at a friend's tonight or I'll be home around midnight or we're going out dancing and won't be home until 3 or 4a). My roommates and I shared rough details when we were in our early 20's. Courtesy makes for a better long-term relationship. And I'm a mom -- I worry about them too.

Car curfews are fine and "x" number of hours home before a shift starts are normal. If you are a First time hm trust me you will want the AP out on weekends, and while being responsible hopefully; not coming home is a bonus.

Putting a curfew on an AP when they are not working is odd to me, if you trust them with your kids how can you not trust them to be out late?

Anonymous wrote:I have a midnight curfew for the car-- but not the person. She can take the metro if she's out late.

Other than that, her after work life is her own. Don't pen in a 20 year old in a fun city.

Same rules here. Car by midnight. Her time after work is her own and she can come and go as she pleases. I only check in if it is late Sunday afternoon and I haven't seen her since Friday and she hadn't already told me she was going away for the weekend.

Anonymous wrote:I think its weird you have a curfew for your car and not for a person.
Why a car curfew?
ASk her to let you know if she is staying out all night and if she doesnt and you worry about her then reassess. Its respect.

you apparently are not an experienced host parent.
My car has a curfew too, because it is MY car- not hers. too much risk after midnight. Staying out after midnight usually involves bars and drinking and no one should be driving, especially in my car. That's what Metro and Uber are for.

i agree - treat ap like an adult BUT expect like any young adult they will do things that will mess with your day/life.

put the curfew on the car. i've SEEN alot of funky stuff happen with aps drinking and driving, and letting others drive the family car. why risk it? this is why uber was invented.

and put a curfew on the nights before she's working. if she gets in late or oversleeps at a friends house because they drank too much - what is that going to do to your day? and worse off, how are you going to trust her with your kids if she's over tired or hung over?

but when it's her time off and she doesn't have your car - let her be free with no curfew.

We have a car curfew of 1AM because I don't think anything good can happen to my car (or someone driving my car) after that time. I am willing to make exceptions for wholesome movie nights and sleepovers but since we are sharing a car it's most likely not possible bc we will need the car first thing in the morning. Bar/Club nights out? No.

I don't have a curfew for AP, although I have a guideline of being well rested before start time and I appreciate knowing if she will come home or now. Short of that we have a system: when she leaves at night, she leaves her bedroom door open. If it's still open in the morning we know she is not there.

OP, I know how you feel as a first time host mom, but AP is an adult and not your child. This is great practice for containing your anxiety for when your children will be older. You need to be able to let go and get over worrying about everyone in your household and still get a good night sleep.

We have a car curfew because it's my car, I pay the insurance, and it's more about the other people on the road late late at night than my AP. Our LCC tells the APs to be home 8 hrs before a morning shift, but we don't have that in our handbook.
We do ask that she let us know by a reasonable hour if she's not coming home so we can deadbolt the door, and not to wake us if we're all in bed. Once an AP woke us up around 2am - - we chatted and it never happened again. I don't care what you do so long as you don't disturb my sleep!

I think its weird you have a curfew for your car and not for a person.
Why a car curfew?
ASk her to let you know if she is staying out all night and if she doesnt and you worry about her then reassess. Its respect.

I have a midnight curfew for the car-- but not the person. She can take the metro if she's out late.

Other than that, her after work life is her own. Don't pen in a 20 year old in a fun city.

OP - my personal opinion is that you can set whatever rules works for your family AS LONG as you communicate this before matching multiple times, by email, by Skype so there is no confusion. For me, my rules are my rules and it's for AP to agree with them and match with us or reject then and tell us no.
We have a midnight car curfew 7 days a week. My car must be in my garage every single night by midnight. Otherwise I take away the car privilege and you are free to rematch. If you are working and our AP day starts at 6:30am, AP must be home by midnight any if not working the next day must be home by midnight if plan on sleeping at home or text me to let me know you will be sleeping out.

We are on AP6 and no issues when this yet because we over communicate

HM here - Although I think that it is fine to set a curfew for the car or to ask for a text if she is staying out overnight (which is what is in our manual), I think that it is ridiculous to set a weekend curfew for an adult. You do not get to control her weekend time, and policies like that may eventually breed resentment.

For your peace of mind, you could set a 2am curfew for the car on weekends. When I first hosted, I asked our 19-year old AP to text if she was going to be out late or if she was staying at a friend's house- I felt responsible for her safety. As the year progressed, and I realized she was a responsible young adult, I no longer worried if she wasn't home by the time I went to bed.

I'm a first time HM. I get having a curfew of 11:00 pm on the evening before AP is working in the morning. but what about a curfew (say 2 am) on nights when the AP won't be working in the morning? Especially if she has use of the car? On the one hand, I can see the argument that it's annoying and she's an adult. On the other hand, I'll rest better if I know she's home.