Anonymous
04/12/2017 01:08
Subject: Are you honest with your MB about the behavior of her child?
Its normal kids act differently, especially if they are tired from a long day with their parents.
Anonymous
04/10/2017 22:16
Subject: Are you honest with your MB about the behavior of her child?
I would NOT suggest following up on her question. She may see it as judging her (if she doesn't really want the answer) and it will close her off from talking to you in the future. Instead, I would respond in the moment with something like, "Why do you ask? Are the certain behaviors you'd like to work on?"
I also think you need to be reporting accurately about his behavior in general. She should hear what he is struggling with each day.
I also think you need to be reporting accurately about his behavior in general. She should hear what he is struggling with each day.
Anonymous
04/10/2017 14:15
Subject: Are you honest with your MB about the behavior of her child?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:MB here.
I'd find a way to frame it so you can be responsive to her question to you.
"Jane, I know that you asked me whether I thought Johnny was spoiled, and that the in-laws made some hurtful comments, but then we were interrupted so I never got to answer your questions. I think Johnny is delightful! Of course, he is going through all the normal developmental stages, and he's bright so he also is learning how to manipulate all of us around him.I do notice that he is getting particularly good at using tantrums to get what he wants (like the other day when he xxxx because he wanted you to yyyy.) So I've been thinking about how we might adapt to that and perhaps encourage less tantrumming and more positive behaviors around getting what he wants. One thing I do is xxxxx. I have pretty good luck getting him to not throw his food if I XXXX . So maybe we can refocus his behavior a bit with some of those kinds of approaches.
Anyways, I just wanted to make sure I didn't ignore your questions. If you like any of those ideas I can try them out and let you know how it's going. And maybe we can figure out one thing we work on together so he knows he'll get the same reactions from both of us and I'm not undermining something you're trying to teach him."
That would be my basic approach. You're supporting her, answering her question, and - if you're lucky and she's not hopeless - you'll help her learn how not to be so manipulated by him. All couched in a way that is hopefully not threatening.
Of course, you're only with him on weekends so maybe there's a whole other level of challenge with a weekday caregiver also? COuld be tough. But it's worth a shot - for everyone's sake!
Thank you so much for taking the time to respond with such a detailed post. It is greatly appreciated. Your advice is great! I am basically going to memorize your post and talk to my MB.
The fact is my charge is miserable when he is crying and getting so worked up. I feel bad for him. He is smart and very verbal and tells me that he doesn't like how it makes him feel.
Thank you again!
You're welcome! I hope it helps and the mom is receptive. Good luck!
Anonymous
04/10/2017 14:10
Subject: Are you honest with your MB about the behavior of her child?
Anonymous wrote:On that note, my bosses are away and I am taking care of 3 kids: 14, 11 & 8. The 14 is very innapropriate and full of sexual innuendos even tho I had specifically set a boundary, he crosses it all the time. Not physically in any way, but like at dinner table he starts talking about sex and stuff like that in front of the 8yo! He makes comments that "so and so effed so and so" and it is always out of the blue. He'll say outrageous things laughing like an idiot. He makes innapropriate jokes etc etc.
anyway I am writing an email about a very specific exchange he started at the table talking about "squirting" (It's horrific). I am dwelling on if I add about the time he was having a banana and he made the motion and the sounds of sucking the banana. Did he know what he was doing? He must have. Would tbat be too much?
Video him and show his parents. If it were my son, the proverbial feces would hit the fan.
Anonymous
04/10/2017 13:53
Subject: Are you honest with your MB about the behavior of her child?
Anonymous wrote:On that note, my bosses are away and I am taking care of 3 kids: 14, 11 & 8. The 14 is very innapropriate and full of sexual innuendos even tho I had specifically set a boundary, he crosses it all the time. Not physically in any way, but like at dinner table he starts talking about sex and stuff like that in front of the 8yo! He makes comments that "so and so effed so and so" and it is always out of the blue. He'll say outrageous things laughing like an idiot. He makes innapropriate jokes etc etc.
anyway I am writing an email about a very specific exchange he started at the table talking about "squirting" (It's horrific). I am dwelling on if I add about the time he was having a banana and he made the motion and the sounds of sucking the banana. Did he know what he was doing? He must have. Would tbat be too much?
I think that he is doing it because he knows it bothers you. He has likely just started learning about this stuff at school, and this feels really grown-up and transgressive. He's probably trying things out with you to take back stories to his friends.
That said, it's waaaaaayyyy beyond something you should have to manage. Absolutely tell the parents. I would hope that they would allow you to impose some consequences now, and would plan to address it when they return.
It shows an incredible lack of respect. I don't know if this is unusual for this family. If it is, at least give them the chance to deal with it. If it is not, I'm not sure it's a work situation I would be willing to continue with. A child should know how to be polite and respectful around anyone, particularly a grown up.
Anonymous
04/10/2017 13:48
Subject: Are you honest with your MB about the behavior of her child?
Anonymous wrote:MB here.
I'd find a way to frame it so you can be responsive to her question to you.
"Jane, I know that you asked me whether I thought Johnny was spoiled, and that the in-laws made some hurtful comments, but then we were interrupted so I never got to answer your questions. I think Johnny is delightful! Of course, he is going through all the normal developmental stages, and he's bright so he also is learning how to manipulate all of us around him.
Anyways, I just wanted to make sure I didn't ignore your questions. If you like any of those ideas I can try them out and let you know how it's going. And maybe we can figure out one thing we work on together so he knows he'll get the same reactions from both of us and I'm not undermining something you're trying to teach him."
That would be my basic approach. You're supporting her, answering her question, and - if you're lucky and she's not hopeless - you'll help her learn how not to be so manipulated by him. All couched in a way that is hopefully not threatening.
Of course, you're only with him on weekends so maybe there's a whole other level of challenge with a weekday caregiver also? COuld be tough. But it's worth a shot - for everyone's sake!
Thank you so much for taking the time to respond with such a detailed post. It is greatly appreciated. Your advice is great! I am basically going to memorize your post and talk to my MB.
The fact is my charge is miserable when he is crying and getting so worked up. I feel bad for him. He is smart and very verbal and tells me that he doesn't like how it makes him feel.
Thank you again!
Anonymous
04/10/2017 11:24
Subject: Are you honest with your MB about the behavior of her child?
On that note, my bosses are away and I am taking care of 3 kids: 14, 11 & 8. The 14 is very innapropriate and full of sexual innuendos even tho I had specifically set a boundary, he crosses it all the time. Not physically in any way, but like at dinner table he starts talking about sex and stuff like that in front of the 8yo! He makes comments that "so and so effed so and so" and it is always out of the blue. He'll say outrageous things laughing like an idiot. He makes innapropriate jokes etc etc.
anyway I am writing an email about a very specific exchange he started at the table talking about "squirting" (It's horrific). I am dwelling on if I add about the time he was having a banana and he made the motion and the sounds of sucking the banana. Did he know what he was doing? He must have. Would tbat be too much?
anyway I am writing an email about a very specific exchange he started at the table talking about "squirting" (It's horrific). I am dwelling on if I add about the time he was having a banana and he made the motion and the sounds of sucking the banana. Did he know what he was doing? He must have. Would tbat be too much?
Anonymous
04/10/2017 11:09
Subject: Are you honest with your MB about the behavior of her child?
The kid is a spoiled brat because the mother has turned him into one. Good for the grandparents for telling her.
Anonymous
04/10/2017 10:46
Subject: Are you honest with your MB about the behavior of her child?
PP here. Just for the record, I do not think "anyways" is a word! So wish one could edit and correct typos in posts!!
Anonymous
04/10/2017 10:45
Subject: Are you honest with your MB about the behavior of her child?
MB here.
I'd find a way to frame it so you can be responsive to her question to you.
"Jane, I know that you asked me whether I thought Johnny was spoiled, and that the in-laws made some hurtful comments, but then we were interrupted so I never got to answer your questions. I think Johnny is delightful! Of course, he is going through all the normal developmental stages, and he's bright so he also is learning how to manipulate all of us around him. I do notice that he is getting particularly good at using tantrums to get what he wants (like the other day when he xxxx because he wanted you to yyyy.) So I've been thinking about how we might adapt to that and perhaps encourage less tantrumming and more positive behaviors around getting what he wants. One thing I do is xxxxx. I have pretty good luck getting him to not throw his food if I XXXX . So maybe we can refocus his behavior a bit with some of those kinds of approaches.
Anyways, I just wanted to make sure I didn't ignore your questions. If you like any of those ideas I can try them out and let you know how it's going. And maybe we can figure out one thing we work on together so he knows he'll get the same reactions from both of us and I'm not undermining something you're trying to teach him."
That would be my basic approach. You're supporting her, answering her question, and - if you're lucky and she's not hopeless - you'll help her learn how not to be so manipulated by him. All couched in a way that is hopefully not threatening.
Of course, you're only with him on weekends so maybe there's a whole other level of challenge with a weekday caregiver also? COuld be tough. But it's worth a shot - for everyone's sake!
I'd find a way to frame it so you can be responsive to her question to you.
"Jane, I know that you asked me whether I thought Johnny was spoiled, and that the in-laws made some hurtful comments, but then we were interrupted so I never got to answer your questions. I think Johnny is delightful! Of course, he is going through all the normal developmental stages, and he's bright so he also is learning how to manipulate all of us around him.
I do notice that he is getting particularly good at using tantrums to get what he wants (like the other day when he xxxx because he wanted you to yyyy.) So I've been thinking about how we might adapt to that and perhaps encourage less tantrumming and more positive behaviors around getting what he wants. One thing I do is xxxxx. I have pretty good luck getting him to not throw his food if I XXXX . So maybe we can refocus his behavior a bit with some of those kinds of approaches.
Anyways, I just wanted to make sure I didn't ignore your questions. If you like any of those ideas I can try them out and let you know how it's going. And maybe we can figure out one thing we work on together so he knows he'll get the same reactions from both of us and I'm not undermining something you're trying to teach him."
That would be my basic approach. You're supporting her, answering her question, and - if you're lucky and she's not hopeless - you'll help her learn how not to be so manipulated by him. All couched in a way that is hopefully not threatening.
Of course, you're only with him on weekends so maybe there's a whole other level of challenge with a weekday caregiver also? COuld be tough. But it's worth a shot - for everyone's sake!
Anonymous
04/10/2017 10:00
Subject: Are you honest with your MB about the behavior of her child?
I'm usually honest but try to sugar coat it a little. I wouldn't say your kid is a brat but I might say it's unusual for a kid that age to xyz.
Anonymous
04/10/2017 08:54
Subject: Are you honest with your MB about the behavior of her child?
My weekend change, 26 months, has nearly constant meltdowns when his mother is around (and his mother is nearly always around) but never with me when she is out of the house. His "mommy phase" has lasted for the 20 months I have been his nanny. He is still throwing food. He is incapable of waiting or not getting his way immediately when his mother is around.
Yesterday, MB's in-laws made an offhand comment that my charge was a spoiled brat and MB was offended. When we were alone, MB asked me if I thought her son was spoiled and then her son demanded her attention so I didn't have to answer.
I do think he has some behavioral issues. Should I tell her the truth if she ever asks again?
Yesterday, MB's in-laws made an offhand comment that my charge was a spoiled brat and MB was offended. When we were alone, MB asked me if I thought her son was spoiled and then her son demanded her attention so I didn't have to answer.
I do think he has some behavioral issues. Should I tell her the truth if she ever asks again?