Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP w/all due respect, I find it a little odd(ish) that part of your Nanny's responsibilities is for her to meet other Nannies & schedule play dates.

I would think that this duty would be entirely yours since you are the parent in this situation.

I am a Nanny and have NEVER been asked to do this. Ever.

Do you live in a place with lots of walkable parks? When we did, my nanny did this all the time. They'd meet at the park, and then start setting up times to meet at each other's NF houses.

Now that we don't, it's not as easy, because the playdates would be all spread out all over town.

Different poster. My nanny has done this, but I'd never *require* her to do it. Like, it's her fault if she doesn't find your kid friends? Even though you can't find your kid friends? That's weird.

Anonymous wrote:OP w/all due respect, I find it a little odd(ish) that part of your Nanny's responsibilities is for her to meet other Nannies & schedule play dates.

I would think that this duty would be entirely yours since you are the parent in this situation.

I am a Nanny and have NEVER been asked to do this. Ever.

Do you live in a place with lots of walkable parks? When we did, my nanny did this all the time. They'd meet at the park, and then start setting up times to meet at each other's NF houses.

Now that we don't, it's not as easy, because the playdates would be all spread out all over town.

OP w/all due respect, I find it a little odd(ish) that part of your Nanny's responsibilities is for her to meet other Nannies & schedule play dates.

I would think that this duty would be entirely yours since you are the parent in this situation.

I am a Nanny and have NEVER been asked to do this. Ever.

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. Thanks to everybody who wrote helpful responses (which obvs was not everybody). I agree that nanny hanging out with her friend is not a problem, just the frequency of their getting together doesn't look great considering she's not meeting anyone else. I also agree that I should focus on #1 and #2 will resolve itself on its own. I probably wouldn't care about #2 if she was taking care of #1.

I didn't mention in my OP that it is actually really easy to meet other nannies and kids in our area. Literally at least a dozen playgrounds within a 15 minutes' walk, neighborhood is teeming with kids and their caregivers (mostly nannies)! I am with DD a lot as I work part-time and know how playdates go. I know they often don't work out and when that happens, you have to put in the effort to find new ones. My guess is nanny put in the effort to connect with other nannies in the beginning and hasn't since. As to me finding nanny playdates for DD, I did find her one and they get together just once a month as the other girl has her own playdates to go to. With our former nanny, I actually found a couple playdates, but their schedules wouldn't match, which made sense as those nannies go to the park when *I* do, but not when nanny goes. That's when I realized it would be easier for nanny to find her own playdates.

I know our nanny has a lot to remember and it's easy to let certain things go. I think that's what happened here and not surprisingly given it's so easy and nice for her to meet up with a good friend of hers rather than make new friends. I will remind her about the playdates and this is actually the right time to do so now that it's spring and much easier getting together with others.

Okay, if you work part-time, is the nanny also part-time? How much work is she supposed to put in (outside of work) trying to schedule play dates? How many play dates do you expect you daughter to have per week?

This is OP. Thanks to everybody who wrote helpful responses (which obvs was not everybody). I agree that nanny hanging out with her friend is not a problem, just the frequency of their getting together doesn't look great considering she's not meeting anyone else. I also agree that I should focus on #1 and #2 will resolve itself on its own. I probably wouldn't care about #2 if she was taking care of #1.

I didn't mention in my OP that it is actually really easy to meet other nannies and kids in our area. Literally at least a dozen playgrounds within a 15 minutes' walk, neighborhood is teeming with kids and their caregivers (mostly nannies)! I am with DD a lot as I work part-time and know how playdates go. I know they often don't work out and when that happens, you have to put in the effort to find new ones. My guess is nanny put in the effort to connect with other nannies in the beginning and hasn't since. As to me finding nanny playdates for DD, I did find her one and they get together just once a month as the other girl has her own playdates to go to. With our former nanny, I actually found a couple playdates, but their schedules wouldn't match, which made sense as those nannies go to the park when *I* do, but not when nanny goes. That's when I realized it would be easier for nanny to find her own playdates.

I know our nanny has a lot to remember and it's easy to let certain things go. I think that's what happened here and not surprisingly given it's so easy and nice for her to meet up with a good friend of hers rather than make new friends. I will remind her about the playdates and this is actually the right time to do so now that it's spring and much easier getting together with others.

If you don't have friends for DD to have playdates with, why do you assume your nanny can find such friends? I totally get why you want #1, but given that you don't seem to be able to do it, I don't know why it's a fail that your nanny can't either. That said, if you set up playdates for your DD or have arranged with another MB for your nannies to set up playdates and that doesn't happen, that's a problem.

Other PPs have given you good advice on this: send your nanny and DD to a few classes; that way, they'll meet other nannies and kids. Worst case, your DD gets the socialization you want at the classes (if you find classes with a narrow age range -- dance classes often have one -- so much the better from your perspective); best case, your nanny hits it off with another nanny with an appropriately aged kid and playdates start. That's what we do. We love our new nanny, but realize she's not a huge go-getter in terms of designing new outings for our kids to do (she mostly takes them to the same few places she's comfortable with), so we signed our DD up for two classes in the neighborhood.

In terms of #2, I personally wouldn't mind. Unless you've actually observed your nanny ignoring your DD during such playdates, I wouldn't worry at all. In fact, I think it's great that my nanny has a friend because then she won't be so bored, has a reason to get my kids out of the house, etc. I think it makes her a better nanny to get some adult company at the same time; I know I play better with my kids when I have them all day when I mix in a coffee date or something for my sanity.

My nanny seems to have made 1 nanny friend. My kids are 2.5 and 5 months, the ones that the other nanny looks after are 6.5, 4 (both in school most of the day) and almost 1. We know the other family well, so that helps, but obviously, the age ranges don't mesh perfectly for my 2.5 year to get a playmate at all unless they meet afterschool; and, even if they do, while she likes the two "big" kids and they tolerate her well, there's a big gap. Nonetheless, I think any socialization is good and having a friend to hang out with/get advice from is good for my nanny. (Someday, the two babies may play well since they're only 6 months apart, but that's awhile off.) I have no reason at all to think my nanny is ignoring the kids just because she has another nanny to hang out with too.

There's no reason for you to address #2. Address #1 and #2 will resolve itself. "Nanny, thanks for setting playdates for Larla. The only thing I'm worried about is that she's not getting much one-on-one play with other kids her own age. Can you please set up a couple of playdates with other 2 year olds this week?" Then she can meet the nanny friend and one year old on other days as well, and you both win.

I would keep an eye on this, and ask that the other playdates be pursued more vigorously.

I had one nanny who started out meeting her husband for lunch, and it ballooned into him being with her and my kids for half the day some days. I had to put a stop to that; I had hired her, not him, and I also wanted her attention on the children.

Our friend's nanny regularly met up with her daughter (also a nanny) at parks. They had close-in-age charges. Friend's nanny regularly blew off play dates and scheduled activities to hang out with her daughter. My friend talked to her about it, but it was never satisfactorily resolved b/c my friend doesn't like conflict. What did happen was that the nanny never received a raise in the 5 years of working for that family.

It's fine for your nanny to be meeting her nanny friend at the playground, etc.
If she is regularly taking your child to the playground she is meeting other 2 year old's etc.
signed- MB.

You are being a little nutty about this OP. Just put your daughter in a weekly mommy and me gymnastics class for 2 year olds. Have your nanny take her. That way your daughter spends some time with other 2 year olds, and it gives your nanny an opportunity to meet some other people who may be open to having playdates.

How about you suggest a specific play date at your house, and offer to set it up?

You can't make someone have a play date with you. Sometimes it's hard to find people willing to have play dates. It's really hit or miss.

I think its ok for a 2yo to hang out with a 1yo if the caregivers are friends. I also agree with you that your DD needs to do things with kids her own age. Does she do any classes like music or gymboree where is is with other kids her own age?

OP you are a mess

When we hired nanny, I told her that I really wanted her to set up regular playdates for DD with a few girls close in age to her. Nanny was very enthusiastic about the idea and in her first month, she told me about several nannies with similarly aged girls she met, they exchanged #s etc. Fast forward six months and pretty much no playdates. Well, they have one with a good friend of nanny and her charge who is 12 months old. DD is 2. This disconcerts me for the following reasons:

1. Nanny is not fulfilling a job duty that was disclosed from the beginning. Nanny has acknowledged that her friend's charge is too young for DD so it's not like she mistakenly thinks that this qualifies as a playdate with a girl 'close in age.'

2. Nanny meeting up with her nanny friend in itself doesn't bother me. Our old nanny every once in a while would meet up with her sister (who occasionally sits for us) and sometimes when the sister watches DD, she brings along one of her kids. I think it's good for DD to get different kinds of socialization. Having said that, nanny has met up with her friend three times in the past 10 days. It makes me feel like I'm paying nanny to hang out with her friend. I also feel that by hanging out with her good friend, she's not paying attention to other nannies at the playground with whom she could connect.

I feel comfortable speaking with nanny about #1, but not so sure about #2 and wondering what other people think about this. I personally think it is not okay for them to meet so frequently in light of #1. But even if nanny was having other playdates, it still seems weird to me that they meet up so frequently with her friend. Would this be an issue for other MBs? I know that working as a nanny is inherently a mix of personal and professional, e.g., nannies making friends with other nannies, but their meeting up so often makes me wonder about her professionalism. Nanny has shown a lack of professionalism in other ways so this nanny friend thing is striking a chord that it otherwise wouldn't.

One thing I want to add: I KNOW that DD is just parallel playing and some people scoff at the idea of playdates at this age. Having said that, I do think that DD gets something out of spending time with kids around her age. DD and I have a regular playdate with one kid and they are constantly observing what the other one is doing, mimicking and learning from each other, and besides, they enjoy each other's company (they get really excited when they see each other and cry when we part ways).