Anonymous wrote:Do you ever feel worried about your nanny or embarrassed that you have achieved more? I don't mean this to sound smug but wanted to open it up for general discussion. I am 35, director of a beauty company, married with two DD's and a great social life. My nanny is 31, single, still lives at home and sometimes I worry for her, that she is lonely. Sometimes it's hard not to feel embarrassed when I look at how different our lives are. I won't apologise for my success but it can be awkward at times.

I feel so sorry for you.

It's not what you have but how far you've come. And if you don't realize that this post, and this kind of thinking, are unkind, you haven't come very far.

Op, different people have different measures of success. I refuse to marry and I can't have kids. To me, success is living my life, loving those around me and contributing to society in a positive manner.

Success to some is marriage, kids and big house, success to others is completely different although the former is seen as the one all women should aspire to. You may feel you are more successful than your nanny but it's by your standards you are judging them against. It's insulting to feel sorry for her. I wouldn't want my nanny to think I felt like that about her, I never have.

You're assuming she shares your goals and measures of success OP.

Don't.

I feel some guilt about how blessed i am in live, how I can afford a full-time nanny and a nice house, how I am significantly better off than many of my friends. But that's my life, that's what I and my husband worked hard to achieve and were lucky enough to be given. We have other struggles.

Some of my friends have much better health, living and healthy parents, kids without challenges, and much tighter financial situations. There are things about their lives I envy and vice versa. Doesn't really help anything to feel that way though.

Why would you even think about someone's age when paying them, PP? Very odd. I am a MB age 30 and my nanny is 36. Never once felt weird about paying her. Seems a weird thing to say.

You know, in some cultures it's appropriate to live at home with your parents until you get married. So it may not be a big deal for someone to still live at home.

And not everyone WANTS to get married.

Sorry, I can't relate to your feelings on this one. I simply don't compare my life to my child's nanny's life.

Nope. My nanny had a professional career in another country and retired to move here to be with her family and grandchildren. Took care of them and worked at a daycare. She now takes care of my daughter and she was so meant to be a child care professional. She is kind and loving and so patient with my dd not to mention all the above and beyond things she does like cooking homemade bread and cheese etc. They sing and play and learn all day and she has so much energy for it all. It was a little awkward at first to pay someone older than me, but we both got over that fast and our relationship is great and built on mutual respect and trust.

Don't feel bad, OP, she is probably having an affair with your husband.

My child's nanny (not my nanny since I am a grown up) has a masters degree in child education and drives a BMW. She chose this profession and my daughter, husband and I are so grateful that she did. She has a wonderful husband and a happy, calm life.

However, if you feel guilty, OP, raise your child's nanny's hourly wage substantially and you'll feel better about yourself.

I feel like this at times as a nanny. Like they are much superior to me as they work in such senior roles and have so much money.

I'd be embarrassed to be associated with a beauty company, so to each their own I think.

Oh -- 12:35 again. I'm a MB.

You know you sound insufferable, right? I'm sure at least one of the people who buys your beauty products wants to pat you on the head, too and tell you that you can be just like her one of these days.

It is entirely possible that she looks at your life and thinks, "I wonder if my MB is jealous of all the great things I get to do with her girls everyday? She's so busy and focused on herself and her friends and achievements ... If I have kids, I never want to be like that."

Do you ever feel worried about your nanny or embarrassed that you have achieved more? I don't mean this to sound smug but wanted to open it up for general discussion. I am 35, director of a beauty company, married with two DD's and a great social life. My nanny is 31, single, still lives at home and sometimes I worry for her, that she is lonely. Sometimes it's hard not to feel embarrassed when I look at how different our lives are. I won't apologise for my success but it can be awkward at times.