Anonymous wrote:OP here-- yes, our relationship is horrible, because, again, she's a pathological liar. The exit interview was insane-- she cried and said she was afraid to eat anything other than bread in our house, when the truth is that we have always told her that she can eat anything in the kitchen-- but SHE'S TOO LAZY TO MAKE ANYTHING OTHER THAN TOAST. She lied her ass off about everything. And CCAP took her side. I feel sorry for the family that ends up with this one in rematch. Because they are definitely going to try to minimize her flaws and rematch her. I can't do business with this company anymore. So unethical!

We had a pathological liar with APIA - they also got 'conned' into a bunch of lies... long story, looking back, I can't believe she was with us for nearly a year, but I would say none of the agencies really are set up to deal with any conflict or rematch situation well. Call your program director at CCAP & tell her you are not comfortable with this AP in your home or having her around your children (esp. stress that this is a harmful situation for your children if you feel that in anyway - I'd suspect this is the case). At the corporate level, they want to keep your business. The LLCs are typically just trying to keep things as smooth as possible during a rematch as possible (for themselves).

Anonymous wrote:she cried and said she was afraid to eat anything other than bread in our house, when the truth is that we have always told her that she can eat anything in the kitchen-- but SHE'S TOO LAZY TO MAKE ANYTHING OTHER THAN TOAST.

Not saying she isn't lying, but... she says she is "afraid to eat" not that you told her she wasn't allowed to eat anything else.
Being afraid can mean that she is afraid to get in trouble for taking something she is not supposed to (do you ever come home from shopping and tell her she can't eat x because it's for lunch tomorrow or y because it's for the kids or z because it's your favorite?), for breaking something or getting something dirty. She might also be afraid of you commenting on or judging what she eats or how she prepares it (did you ever comment on previous AP breaking kitchen appliances or eating like a pig or spending too much of your money on food?). She might generally feel uncomfortable in your home / family and not enjoy spending time in the kitchen when you are around or eating around you.
If your relationship has been as strained as it sounds (sliding a gc under a door for Christmas instead of having your AP join your Christmas celebrations or at least knocking at her door, handing it to her and wishing her a Merry Christmas is not the most mature behaviour, no matter how horrible your relationship is) her not feeling comfortable being around you, taking anything of yours or using anything around your house for herself can easily lead to her being afraid to eat anything. To her, it might well be that eating only bread is the minimum she feels she can live on.

Have you ever tried to see it in the "she is too afraid to eat anything in our house so she lives off bread instead of nutritous meals" rather than the "SHE'S TOO LAZY TO MAKE ANYTHING OTHER" light? Have you invited her to join you for family dinners? Sunday breakfast? When you have seen her eat only toast, have you asked to to sit down with you for lunch and share what the rest of the family is having?

With the little information you are giving, I have to agree with 8:00 - I can well see a LCC siding with her. She might be a horrible AP (or maybe only not the right AP for your family) but just the gc incident doesn't make you look like a great HP either.

Yes, unless she endangered your children or stole your tv you will be expected to house her.
Actually, in this case if I was your AP I would be begging the LCC to put me up. It doesn't sound as if her living with you during rematch will be pleasant for either side. You aren't comfortable enough to look her in the face to give her a Christmas present (!!!), she isn't comfortable enough around you to eat (which IS a basic human need). I really don't think that is a good combination.

I am sorry OP but yes, typically the AP stays with you while she looks for a new family. You set the rules though: is she working or not? Can she use your car? Does she give you back her phone? It will be a dreadful two weeks but it is only two weeks and it will pass.

Aside from that, I can see how the agency would side with her. You did not hand the GC to her. No one has proof that you gave it. Agencies also take food gripes seriously. Why would she say she is 'afraid' to eat anything in your house? Yes, perhaps she is crazy but without more context I can see a LCC siding with an AP and even potentially investigating the family a bit more to see if they are compliant with the program. Is the agency giving you a hard time?

Is this your first AP? Anything else happened that led you to this terrible break point?

OP I think they are one of the worse agencies as well and I dont even have an au pair.
I know a family that have mistreated over and over again different au pairs. I even called the LCC one day. They don't care though, they keep giving them more au pairs.

OP here-- yes, our relationship is horrible, because, again, she's a pathological liar. The exit interview was insane-- she cried and said she was afraid to eat anything other than bread in our house, when the truth is that we have always told her that she can eat anything in the kitchen-- but SHE'S TOO LAZY TO MAKE ANYTHING OTHER THAN TOAST. She lied her ass off about everything. And CCAP took her side. I feel sorry for the family that ends up with this one in rematch. Because they are definitely going to try to minimize her flaws and rematch her. I can't do business with this company anymore. So unethical!

No, you do not HAVE, but they will ask and strongly pressure you to do so. Having been through an awful transition, next time I will set ground rules and if they are broken it's an immediate trip to the LCC. It's really stressful to house and feed a non-working AP while you juggle alternate Childcare - in our case we have no extra bedroom beyond the APs so we couldn't even have a grandparent cover the gap.

That is right. You house her during rematch. Your relationship must be horrible if you slid her a gift card under her door as a Christmas present.

She's not working. We fired her for being a pathological liar (the last straw is that she claims she never got the Christmas present I gave her. Really, the gift card I slid under your door disappeared? My children are too young to take it, and there's no one else here). Au pair doesn't want to live here, either. What are our options? Not sure we even want to continue with the program at this point.