doodlebug
Post 12/19/2016 20:56     Subject: Have any other nannies not been able to bond with their charge?
I had two babies like this (part time with each family) about 4 years ago. I was so sick of babies at the end of that summer that I never wanted to see another one as long as I lived. Their older brothers were so easy and mellow. Both moms quit their jobs and I went to work for a different family after 3-4 months of that. The new family also had a baby but she was a complete dream. The screamers turned into the sweetest, most easy going toddlers, so you never know what's going to happen.

If I were in your situation, I'd definitely be looking into a new position. That level of stress w/o even the benefit of great compensation/benefits wouldn't be worth it to me.
Anonymous
Post 12/19/2016 19:29     Subject: Have any other nannies not been able to bond with their charge?
Anonymous wrote:I agree that she's probably sensing your stress, so try to remain as calm as possible, even when she's crying.

Some babies (and kids) are easier than others, and yes, some you will just bond less with. While it may get easier, as another pp suggested, it may not. You've already being with her 4 months so if it's been this way the whole time with little improvement it's not looking promising.

I've been a nanny for 15 years, always starting at age 2-5 months and staying through preschool. I've had two infants that were more difficult than most. They also were set off by every little tiny thing and would cry inconsolably no matter what I did. I stuck it out with both families for more than 2 years each, but they just changed from difficult babies to difficult toddlers. In my experience working with them was difficult because of their personal dispositions, but also because, no matter how good I was at keeping a calm exterior, being around them for more than a few hours just frazzled my nerves (which they could sense), AND, both of those factors together caused us to bond less over time which further exacerbated the situation.

Since you're not happy and they aren't paying you well, my advice is: get out.


That's what I'm thinking-I don't know that it's going to get better. I actually had a moment today that kind of sealed the whole thing for me. My boyfriend, who my charge has met 5-6 times for very short periods, came early to pick me up from work. Baby was screaming and because I was about to pee myself, I handed him to her, expecting her to freak out and cry. She immediately calmed down. It was like a switch. I'm not gonna lie-that hit me like a punch in the gut, and I almost started sobbing.

This baby, who I've spend 10 hours a day with for months; who I've fed and clothed and rocked to sleep and played with and sung lullabies to, would rather be soothed by someone who is a virtual stranger to her. That really hurt, and I've never had that reaction. Usually at this age, the babies will cry when I leave and light up when I come in the morning. I miss that so much.
Anonymous
Post 12/19/2016 17:44     Subject: Have any other nannies not been able to bond with their charge?
I agree to remain calm and smile a lot at her. Also play a lot of soothing music in the house. As soon as she starts crying tickle her feet and smile and get silly. Hope these tips help and she calms down, I hate seeing my fellow nannies unhappy with their job.
Anonymous
Post 12/19/2016 14:30     Subject: Have any other nannies not been able to bond with their charge?
I agree that she's probably sensing your stress, so try to remain as calm as possible, even when she's crying.

Some babies (and kids) are easier than others, and yes, some you will just bond less with. While it may get easier, as another pp suggested, it may not. You've already being with her 4 months so if it's been this way the whole time with little improvement it's not looking promising.

I've been a nanny for 15 years, always starting at age 2-5 months and staying through preschool. I've had two infants that were more difficult than most. They also were set off by every little tiny thing and would cry inconsolably no matter what I did. I stuck it out with both families for more than 2 years each, but they just changed from difficult babies to difficult toddlers. In my experience working with them was difficult because of their personal dispositions, but also because, no matter how good I was at keeping a calm exterior, being around them for more than a few hours just frazzled my nerves (which they could sense), AND, both of those factors together caused us to bond less over time which further exacerbated the situation.

Since you're not happy and they aren't paying you well, my advice is: get out.
Anonymous
Post 12/19/2016 11:32     Subject: Re:Have any other nannies not been able to bond with their charge?
Anonymous wrote:How much experience do you have with infants? That is unusual for an 8 month old to cry that often. It's even more odd since the parents said she doesn't do that for them. Are you reading her cues correctly? She may be tired of hungry. She could be sensing your emotions and crying because of it. Babies can sense stress or anxiety. I think you need to have a talk with the mom. You may be doing something the baby doesn't like.


OP here. I actually have several years of experience with infants, including two sets of twins, so I don't think it's me reading her cues wrong- she eats and sleeps well most of the time, and is on a consistent schedule.

It almost seems more like it's her personality. And she very well could be sensing my stress, it's a very stressful situation.
Anonymous
Post 12/19/2016 11:28     Subject: Have any other nannies not been able to bond with their charge?
Anonymous wrote:It is unusual for this baby to scream that much for such a huge amount of time.

I would be extremely exhausted as well.

I would probably throw in the towel on this one.....Unless I really needed the money or was making an above-market salary.

In time, the baby likely will grow out of this.

I personally think the parents should empathize w/you more on this situation.

To tell you that their daughter isn't doing this w/them is zero help in my opinion.




That's what I've been thinking- I'm actually paid a lot lower than normal on this job, and I accepted it because I really do like the parents, but it's been a financial strain and I have no benefits. I think it's easier for them, because their is two of them and when they have her, they never let her feet touch the ground- makes it a lot harder when it's just me.
Anonymous
Post 12/18/2016 21:46     Subject: Have any other nannies not been able to bond with their charge?
You don't need to bond, just care about. It could be reflux or another undiagnosed medical issue. My son screamed constantly until we got his reflux under control.
Anonymous
Post 12/18/2016 21:27     Subject: Re:Have any other nannies not been able to bond with their charge?
How much experience do you have with infants? That is unusual for an 8 month old to cry that often. It's even more odd since the parents said she doesn't do that for them. Are you reading her cues correctly? She may be tired of hungry. She could be sensing your emotions and crying because of it. Babies can sense stress or anxiety. I think you need to have a talk with the mom. You may be doing something the baby doesn't like.
Anonymous
Post 12/18/2016 19:21     Subject: Have any other nannies not been able to bond with their charge?
It is unusual for this baby to scream that much for such a huge amount of time.

I would be extremely exhausted as well.

I would probably throw in the towel on this one.....Unless I really needed the money or was making an above-market salary.

In time, the baby likely will grow out of this.

I personally think the parents should empathize w/you more on this situation.

To tell you that their daughter isn't doing this w/them is zero help in my opinion.

Anonymous
Post 12/18/2016 13:42     Subject: Have any other nannies not been able to bond with their charge?
So...I've been a nanny for close to 10 years. I recently started a position 4 months ago with a then 3.5 month old baby. Even after nearly 4 months, I'm still having issues with this baby.

She cries/screams CONSTANTLY. The tiniest thing will set her off, and she will scream like she is being murdered. If I leave the room, she screams. When I come back to soothe her, she screams. When I carry her around, she screams.

She's almost 8 months old, so I'm pretty certain it isn't colic.

I've never had this issue before. Typically, when I start with a small infant, they become very attached to me fairly quickly. This baby hasn't. She will smile at me, but I can't seem to soothe her anytime she's upset.

I've told her parents, and they say they never have a problem with her screaming. I've tried to work on letting her entertain herself and cry it out for naps, but they never want me to let her cry.

I"m honestly EXHAUSTED and completely burnt out. Should I just leave? Is it something I'm doing wrong?

I'd love to hear any advice or similar experiences.