Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had a rematch AP come to us when our previous AP decided to go home right before Thanksgiving. At Christmas, he will have been with us five weeks. He is an OK AP - not great. Definitely suffering from extensionitis (he first extended with his original family then changed his mind and wanted a new setting across the country). If this helps explain our ambivalence, we haven't even told him he needs to change his previous state DL for our state DL in 60 days because we're that uncertain this match will work.

What would you do for Christmas for an AP like this? He will be with us. If it helps, our children are older (10 and 14) and we do Chanukkah as well, so while Christmas is a big deal in terms of decorating a tree and the house, we don't go overboard for gifts even with our family.

Thanks for any advice or suggestions.

Get him a $75 gift card to Target and be done with it.

PP with the meh new AP here: I was thinking Lands End warm gloves with the touchscreen thing on the fingers and then $100 giftcard. Do you think that is overkill? He is such a blah AP - we gave him off from the 24-2nd, in addition to his two weeks, and all he can do is sulk about the fact that he has no money to travel (had no interest in talking to our previous AP who was a huge couch-surfer and was happy to tell him about it, didn't want to hear from me all the great cities he can see a bus-ride away from where we live, etc). We of course invited him to join us at my sister's house for as much or as little as he wants to join - we will be there for four days, but it's only a half hour from our house so he can come and go as he wants (has his own car), doesn't have to stay there the whole time, and all he is is blah about everything.

Hmmmmm - as I am typing this, i am realizing that maybe he is sorry he extended? He had extended with his original HF and then decided that he wasn't happy having extended there. So he came to us, across the country. But maybe he really is sorry to have extended at all? We are one of those families who never extends, due to the fact that this is what we have seen with our (few) APs who have extended, but I wonder if this is what is going on?

Ill throw $200 cash at her. She really is a lackluster AP and im counting down her departure.

Last AP was amazing, we spent about 1k in cash and gifts.

Anonymous wrote:We had a rematch AP come to us when our previous AP decided to go home right before Thanksgiving. At Christmas, he will have been with us five weeks. He is an OK AP - not great. Definitely suffering from extensionitis (he first extended with his original family then changed his mind and wanted a new setting across the country). If this helps explain our ambivalence, we haven't even told him he needs to change his previous state DL for our state DL in 60 days because we're that uncertain this match will work.

What would you do for Christmas for an AP like this? He will be with us. If it helps, our children are older (10 and 14) and we do Chanukkah as well, so while Christmas is a big deal in terms of decorating a tree and the house, we don't go overboard for gifts even with our family.

Thanks for any advice or suggestions.

Get him a $75 gift card to Target and be done with it.

Anonymous wrote:I'm a first-time HM as well. Our AP has been with us since September, and we really love her. We ordered a stocking for her to match the kids' and will fill that on Christmas Eve (including a small giftcard to ULTA or Starbucks). The kids are giving her a calligraphy kit (she's into crafty stuff), a framed photo and a small Starbucks giftcard. And then we'll give her probably $150 in cash. All told, that's probably about 1.5x her normal weekly stipend,. Although she'll receive a little less than a full week's pay in the form of cash, her gift cards more than likely will fill that difference.

AP's parents are coming to stay with us for 10 days starting 12/26. AP has a week of vacation during that time, but aside from three days in NYC, they're staying at our house the entire visit. We had wanted to give AP an extra week of vacation during her parents' visit, but we just can't swing it... Anyway, we're getting each of AP's parents a small gift as well, probably totaling $25-30 each. And we're hiring a sitter to take all three of them to dinner and a show while they're here. <-- this alone will probably cost about a week's stipend or more.

I think we're spending more on AP and her parents than we are on our two kids combined, but like I said, we're very happy with her.

You sound like a 1st time hostmom. I did this too...gave so much and got burned. I don't allow guests to stay that long in my house. Guests and fish spoil after 5 days. Maybe you have a big housecret or lots of fund's to give all that. Good for you. I did something similar and after r the parents left, she told me she wanted to go home too.

Good luck to you.

I have a meh AP who has been with us almost a full year. I have never had an AP I feel I knew less. She is with her boyfriend every single night. She wears jewelry he gave her every day and never takes it off. She has no hobbies. I don't know what kind of music she likes. So I think we're going with some fuzzy socks and a hat/scarf and lipbalms and a gift card. Plus a stocking full of candy.

I'm doing a $100 gift card towards a big ticket item she is saving for. Like PP said, AP doesn't seem to appreciate thoughtful or cutesy gifts - so now its gift card to something I know she will use. I also used to go overboard...no more

To pp with meh new AP, $50 gift card? Enough to not look like a jerk, not so much that you regret it.

We had a rematch AP come to us when our previous AP decided to go home right before Thanksgiving. At Christmas, he will have been with us five weeks. He is an OK AP - not great. Definitely suffering from extensionitis (he first extended with his original family then changed his mind and wanted a new setting across the country). If this helps explain our ambivalence, we haven't even told him he needs to change his previous state DL for our state DL in 60 days because we're that uncertain this match will work.

What would you do for Christmas for an AP like this? He will be with us. If it helps, our children are older (10 and 14) and we do Chanukkah as well, so while Christmas is a big deal in terms of decorating a tree and the house, we don't go overboard for gifts even with our family.

Thanks for any advice or suggestions.

Our AP's family is coming to the US for Christmas and New Year's, so our AP won't spend Christmas with us. Ordinarily I'd get her a stocking and stuff it, and get her a small tree gift as well as a gift card, but this year I think we will only do a gift card and not the stocking/gift. She's a good AP, but if we're not doing Christmas together I'm not going to give her a stocking that she would have to open either before the holiday or after.

I've also been burned by APs leaving gifts behind....even when I thought the kids and I did a good job of picking gifts that suited our APs' personalities and needs, when it comes time to pack for home, they have jettisoned like crazy. So I'm more inclined to stick to gift cards either for places like Cheesecake Factory or straight-up Visa cash equivalent to spend on her travel.

Anonymous wrote:Not sure what I am getting for my au pair. She is terrible and will be in rematch after the holidays. She's lucky to get anything at all for Christmas, considering her performance.

When our rematch left at a holiday, I really felt that my kids were watching me, and would have noticed if I totally slighted her.
Have the kids make her cards and get a small gift card, plus a stocking with the standard toothbrush, tissues, and Chapstick.

This is tough for us - we do small holiday by choice, but we could easily get the AP we love oodles of things. But, we want to keep it moderate for the kids. i decided not to mix my appreciation with the holiday so she's getting what past APs have -- a gift I know she wants (in this case a monogrammed tote), a local ornament, plus gift cards to places she loves, each with a small thing to open. I learned that they really look forward to an American stocking so play that up and get them a nice one to take home.
After that, she gets a bonus week o vacation and a cash contribution to that trip, which is proportional to my appreciation (and it's not given as a Christmas gift)

I usually buy them a personalized stocking, stocking stuffers (favorite cookies, Sephora stuff, stretchy gloves), and a small gift to open. This year it's a FlipBelt since she really likes mine. Then we give cash.

Not sure what I am getting for my au pair. She is terrible and will be in rematch after the holidays. She's lucky to get anything at all for Christmas, considering her performance.

Anonymous wrote:And we're hiring a sitter to take all three of them to dinner and a show while they're here.

EDIT: We're hiring a sitter so WE can take them to dinner and a show while they're here.

I'm a first-time HM as well. Our AP has been with us since September, and we really love her. We ordered a stocking for her to match the kids' and will fill that on Christmas Eve (including a small giftcard to ULTA or Starbucks). The kids are giving her a calligraphy kit (she's into crafty stuff), a framed photo and a small Starbucks giftcard. And then we'll give her probably $150 in cash. All told, that's probably about 1.5x her normal weekly stipend,. Although she'll receive a little less than a full week's pay in the form of cash, her gift cards more than likely will fill that difference.

AP's parents are coming to stay with us for 10 days starting 12/26. AP has a week of vacation during that time, but aside from three days in NYC, they're staying at our house the entire visit. We had wanted to give AP an extra week of vacation during her parents' visit, but we just can't swing it... Anyway, we're getting each of AP's parents a small gift as well, probably totaling $25-30 each. And we're hiring a sitter to take all three of them to dinner and a show while they're here. <-- this alone will probably cost about a week's stipend or more.

I think we're spending more on AP and her parents than we are on our two kids combined, but like I said, we're very happy with her.

First time HM. What is appropriate in terms of a gift for an au pair. What is standard? Something thoughtful from the kids, filling her stocking and around the amount of what she earns in a week as a bonus?