I had one cry everyday for 2 years. Kid loved me though but for the first 10 min would freak out.

Anonymous wrote:Two things I always encourage parents to do that ease transitions:
1) don't talk about leaving until you are actually leaving (e.g., don't loudly announce "5more minutes!" Or say, "Mommy should really get to work soon...")
2) When you ARE ready to leave, say goodbye with a special routine that you ONLY use for separations (I like "see you later, alligator!")

Over time, your kid will learn that the signal that Mommy is leaving isn't nanny's arrival, or Mommy sort of edging for the door, it is this special routine. I always say, kids will cry from the moment you indicate that you are going to leave until you are gone, so shorten that amount of time all you can, and the recovery will be shorter too!

+1

Two things I always encourage parents to do that ease transitions:
1) don't talk about leaving until you are actually leaving (e.g., don't loudly announce "5more minutes!" Or say, "Mommy should really get to work soon...")
2) When you ARE ready to leave, say goodbye with a special routine that you ONLY use for separations (I like "see you later, alligator!")

Over time, your kid will learn that the signal that Mommy is leaving isn't nanny's arrival, or Mommy sort of edging for the door, it is this special routine. I always say, kids will cry from the moment you indicate that you are going to leave until you are gone, so shorten that amount of time all you can, and the recovery will be shorter too!

OP here... thanks everyone. I rest reassured by your comments and find my nanny pretty awesome. She actually teaches me a thing or two during our exchanges thanks to her experience. This morning I gave my DS a kiss, he complained for a couple of minutes but as soon as I turned the corner to lock myself inside my office he was completely fine. He did not even turn over to see me leave. Great!

Since your child seems to get over his crying within thirty minutes plus he seems happy w/her overall (like when you unexpectedly show up), I do not suspect she is doing anything wrong at all.

He got used to u always around seeing that u work from home. Nanny wAlking in means u are about to leave. It's not her fault. This is why I prefer starting with babies.

Given what you describe about the interactions when you are not present this sounds more like a problem you and the nanny need to work together to solve, around transitions and your presence. This doesn't sound like a problem with your child's relationship with the nanny.

Is your nanny experienced? If so, ask her opinions and thoughts, and try to be really open to feedback like "It would be easier if you left more quickly and with less attention to him. If you don't say a big goodbye and are just really matter of fact he will learn to be calmer about it. He's getting a lot of extra attention from you with this behavior - when you leave he's fine very quickly. So it's about attention seeking and we are feeding the dynamic when you stay in response to his cries." Etc...

That's what it sounds like to me OP - a really common challenge by the way, and not anything your nanny is doing wrong. It's just a different approach to leaving him that you need to adjust to - for everyone's benefit. It can run counter to your instincts, and you are three weeks in now so will have to reset this pattern and behavior, but I would bet that's all that's going on.

FWIW, I just went through this today w/ my five year old - so it's a really common dynamic. He was in tears, hanging on to me, not wanting me to leave for work, etc... So then I ended up in tears, had to just peel myself away and I beat myself up all the way to work. I arrived to an email from the nanny saying that he was totally fine - happily having breakfast and getting ready for school and was fine within a minute or two of me leaving. I got suckered!

So I would focus on rethinking your morning routine and doing that collaboratively with your nanny.

Good luck!

Is this DC's first caregiver? Meaning, did you SAH before?

Working from home is typically the kiss of death. Can you change that?

First time mom here and new to having a nanny. Our nanny has been with us for three weeks watching over my 15 month old son. First week, DS was happy to see her in the morning; second week, a bit of a fuzz before I left for work; third week he throws a fit in complete panic the moment nanny the door. DS almost never cries, he's very easy going, but mornings have been difficult as he seems literally scared, cries, etc. After about 30 minutes of that he goes back to his normal happy self. Again, it's only the third weeks but it's getting more difficult every morning. I work from home most of the time but go into my office and try to stay out of the picture. Other than that, I have only great things to say about the nanny so far. When I overhear them playing DS sounds happy and I love the way she is with him. However, how can I know if DS trying to warm me of a red flag? What if things are not the same when they go out alone? I have on occasion returned home unannounced and everything seems normal, nanny fully attentive to him and DS calm and happy. When should I expect that he starts warming up to nanny and getting used to me leaving him with her?