Anonymous wrote:I like the dummy wallet but would just urge everyone to hand over whatever is necessary to keep your lives. It is so sad that people fight robbers over wallets, iPads etc and end up dead. It's not worth it.

I would rather die then hand over my wallet, purse or phone. I would fight them for my things or simply let them kill me.

This is really interesting. I live in NYC not DC and it is a pretty common practice (as in many but not everyone does this) to give your nanny or babysitter cab fare if they are working late. I know that is not the OP's situation, but it's for a related purpose, i.e., the subway can be pretty dicey after a certain hour and the OP is concerned about her safety. Without knowing what market practice is in the OP's area, if I were her MB, I would offer her a lift to the metro every evening if I were able to (i.e., DB was home as well) assuming her walk truly is as unsafe as she is making it out to be. I wonder though if OP is not overreacting about how in danger she really is.

I like the dummy wallet but would just urge everyone to hand over whatever is necessary to keep your lives. It is so sad that people fight robbers over wallets, iPads etc and end up dead. It's not worth it.

@doodlebug:

I love your idea about the dummy wallet!

I have never heard of one, but agree that it is an awesome idea and should be done.

Technically I don't think so.

If the area truly makes you feel that uncomfortable then the best thing to do would be to find a position in a safer part of town.

Maybe if your employers know they may lose you due to their
location, they may then offer you a deal where they will offer you a safe way to return home.

They will likely only do this if they feel you are worth your weight in gold.

Find a job in a safe neighborhood.

I agree with Doodlebug, but I also think that until more information becomes available, you could ask for a ride or Uber/Lyft to Metro (not home -- really?) when you have to leave after dark so that you aren't walking alone in the dark.

If they say no, you might need to quit if you are scared. They didn't change the circumstances; the circumstances changed around them. If you quit, and they can't find anyone else willing to work there, they may wish they had paid for the uber. But who knows?

Doodlebug has some really great advice, as well as a reminder that overall context is really important.

Keep in mind that the people most easily victimized are often the ones who look vulnerable, afraid, easily intimidated, etc... Some of the very best self defense comes from looking like you ARE NOT an easy target (which is behind much of Doodlebugs advice.)

Get Gavin de Becker's book "the Gift of Fear" - it is a must read for every female in my opinion.

Re your employer's and their obligation - I agree with you that your safety after you leave their home is not really their responsibility. That doesn't mean though that they would want you feeling so afraid - but they cannot allay your fears. Whether they are willing to make as significant an investment in you as paying for an uber every day would require is unknown. But maybe they would. Or maybe they would offer to drive you to the metro in the evenings (if that's feasible).

Regardless of what they may be willing to do to retain you though, I think Doodlebug's advice is well-intended and really good.

I mean this in the best possible way...it's time to grow up and take personal responsibility. If you feel unsafe, then find a job in a "safe" neighborhood. If you can't or don't want to, then there are some things you can do to make yourself seem less attractive to a would be assailant:

Be big. If you can't be easily picked up and carried away, no one is going to bother with you. If you're not big, LOOK big...big klunky boots and big puffy coat etc.

Don't wear headphones. Keep your eyes and ears peeled.

Don't make eye contact with people. Look ahead, keep your head up, walk w/ purpose and like you own the sidewalk.

Have a dummy wallet. If someone tries to mug you, have a fake wallet with some fake credit cards or old ones from a closed account, expired museum cards or "club" cards etc and a few one dollar bills. Give that and get away. By the time they realize you gave them $8 and some junk you'll be long gone.

Wear a headlamp that's bright. No one is going to mug you if you're blinding them. When you move your head around your light will go with you and you'll see it's a cat and not a boogey man making the noise.

Minimize the amount of stuff you carry back and forth every day. Wear a backpack and not a purse. Keep the dummy wallet in your pocket. Don't wear or carry anything you can't run a mile with.

RELAX and understand there are billions of people on this planet and very very few of them are victims of stranger on stranger crime.

Take a self-defense class if you need to, but mostly, just relax.

In the last year, the area where I work has become increasingly unsafe. For each of the last three years there have been more and more shootings and violent attacks. Some gang related, some involving innocent people. Last week the neighbor's home was burglarized - while they were home. This week a body was found in a nearby alley with multiple stab wounds. DCPD has led community talks on the matter. DB told me the police said the bulk of the incidents are happening in a one mile radius that NF lives in.

During the winter months I will be outside after dark to walk to the metro 15 minutes away. All but the last five minutes of my walk are in a residential area with little foot traffic. If something happened, I can't be sure there will be anyone around to know. I am feeling afraid, distrustful every person on the sidewalk.

My question is: does my NF have any responsibility for what happens to me when I leave their home? My instinct is to say no, it's not their job to be accountable for the rest of the world. However, I would like to ask for help with paying for uber/lyft home each evening. If they are unable to help with the expense then I can't imagine I will feel comfortable working in their neighborhood anymore.