Anonymous
09/13/2016 20:39
Subject: Nonproactive nanny who won't schedule playdates
Well, if it doesn't work for you, find someone else.
But your kid is 18 months. She does not have friends. Let's be real.
But your kid is 18 months. She does not have friends. Let's be real.
Anonymous
09/13/2016 18:43
Subject: Nonproactive nanny who won't schedule playdates
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, I will echo the question about flexibility. Are you occasionally asking nanny to come slightly early or stay slightly late, and are those requests last minute or with 12 - 24 hours notice?
Or are you asking for nanny to just come in when needed, with no predictable schedule, and little notice? Are things somewhere in between my examples?
I'm someone who is happy to plan things daily when my job is predictable enough that I actually get to follow through with plans 90% of the time. I can be flexible, but I would not do well in a job with unpredictable hours. Kids are unpredictable enough - I don't want to have to deal with unpredictable parents too.
That said, your nanny may be overwhelmed, lazy, disengaged, bored, inexperienced, or whatever. The bottom line is that you need to talk with her about your CHILD'S needs, and how you want those needs met. Don't make it about you, don't make it about nanny, focus on your desire to have support from your nanny to give your kid what she needs.
And if that doesn't work then you need to look for a new Nanny and screen carefully for all of your needs.
The flexibility doesn't make her schedule unpredictable. She has set hours, but sometimes when my work gets busy, I ask her if she can work an extra 5 or 10 hours a week for a couple weeks at a time. I always ask her in advance and what works for her schedule, I never dictate to her the new schedule because she is doing me a favor.
Then fire her, and hire a better nanny for the predictable hours. That person may also have the flexibility to sometimes stay late. If not, interview 2-3 people on Care.com for occasional sitting. I'd suggest throwing them a date night every once in awhile to keep them available, but then you have a group of people you can call on. Ask around, too. I had friends whose nannies had friends who were often looking for extra hours here and there ...
Or sign up with an agency or somewhere like Seeking Sitters for occasional sitting.
The only reason to keep this woman is to save you the hassle of finding extra help. But it's always good to have backup you're familiar with anyway.
Anonymous
09/13/2016 13:53
Subject: Nonproactive nanny who won't schedule playdates
Anonymous wrote:OP, I will echo the question about flexibility. Are you occasionally asking nanny to come slightly early or stay slightly late, and are those requests last minute or with 12 - 24 hours notice?
Or are you asking for nanny to just come in when needed, with no predictable schedule, and little notice? Are things somewhere in between my examples?
I'm someone who is happy to plan things daily when my job is predictable enough that I actually get to follow through with plans 90% of the time. I can be flexible, but I would not do well in a job with unpredictable hours. Kids are unpredictable enough - I don't want to have to deal with unpredictable parents too.
That said, your nanny may be overwhelmed, lazy, disengaged, bored, inexperienced, or whatever. The bottom line is that you need to talk with her about your CHILD'S needs, and how you want those needs met. Don't make it about you, don't make it about nanny, focus on your desire to have support from your nanny to give your kid what she needs.
And if that doesn't work then you need to look for a new Nanny and screen carefully for all of your needs.
The flexibility doesn't make her schedule unpredictable. She has set hours, but sometimes when my work gets busy, I ask her if she can work an extra 5 or 10 hours a week for a couple weeks at a time. I always ask her in advance and what works for her schedule, I never dictate to her the new schedule because she is doing me a favor.
Anonymous
09/13/2016 07:06
Subject: Nonproactive nanny who won't schedule playdates
Anonymous wrote:Our 18 month old daughter has had a nanny since the beginning of the year. She is just okay. She is not proactive about taking DD to different activities or scheduling playdates. If I remind her there is a story time that day or ask her to take DD to the library, she will do it that day, but that's it, she very rarely will take the initiative to go on her own. I have tried to make clear (maybe I'm not??) that DD's activities are HER responsibility and that she should take DD to different places without me saying anything, but she simply won't. What I have had to resort to is suggesting to her on a daily basis an activity for that day before I leave in the morning. It kind of sucks but I do it because I feel like I have to. So we've been managing so far tolerably with my daily suggestions EXCEPT for playdates. She just will not schedule them, period. We live in a condo complex full of young kids and their nannies and she is friendly with those nannies. I have asked her to exchange #s with the nannies, she did so with one, and that's it, even though I've told her she needs to do so with other nannies and have even suggested which ones, i.e., the nannies of DD's friends. I have also asked her to take DD to local playgrounds so she can meet other nannies and arrange playdates that way, but she hasn't so far. It has been six months that I've been asking and she has not! I am getting really sick of this. I can only speculate why DD's nanny doesn't fulfill her duties, I think what it comes down to is she's not proactive in general, she doesn't take certain duties (namely activities & playdates) seriously, and she's perfectly happy to keep DD to herself 95% of the time. She seems somewhat clueless in that sometimes, I will give her a very black and white instruction to be done ASAP and she will still mess it up. I think she has her way of doing things and looking at things and it is hard for her to adapt to what an employer wants, she had a pretty limited job history before coming to us.
She does have her positive qualities, which is why I haven't fired her already. But I am reaching my tipping point and thinking very seriously about replacing her. I would like to give her one more opportunity to shore up and do better with these job duties, but I simply do not know how to get through to her. Any suggestions on getting through to someone like this in this situation??[/
Some nannies is very private,sometimes I want to start a conversation with them they run like don't both me...
Anonymous
09/12/2016 20:55
Subject: Nonproactive nanny who won't schedule playdates
OP, I will echo the question about flexibility. Are you occasionally asking nanny to come slightly early or stay slightly late, and are those requests last minute or with 12 - 24 hours notice?
Or are you asking for nanny to just come in when needed, with no predictable schedule, and little notice? Are things somewhere in between my examples?
I'm someone who is happy to plan things daily when my job is predictable enough that I actually get to follow through with plans 90% of the time. I can be flexible, but I would not do well in a job with unpredictable hours. Kids are unpredictable enough - I don't want to have to deal with unpredictable parents too.
That said, your nanny may be overwhelmed, lazy, disengaged, bored, inexperienced, or whatever. The bottom line is that you need to talk with her about your CHILD'S needs, and how you want those needs met. Don't make it about you, don't make it about nanny, focus on your desire to have support from your nanny to give your kid what she needs.
And if that doesn't work then you need to look for a new Nanny and screen carefully for all of your needs.
Or are you asking for nanny to just come in when needed, with no predictable schedule, and little notice? Are things somewhere in between my examples?
I'm someone who is happy to plan things daily when my job is predictable enough that I actually get to follow through with plans 90% of the time. I can be flexible, but I would not do well in a job with unpredictable hours. Kids are unpredictable enough - I don't want to have to deal with unpredictable parents too.
That said, your nanny may be overwhelmed, lazy, disengaged, bored, inexperienced, or whatever. The bottom line is that you need to talk with her about your CHILD'S needs, and how you want those needs met. Don't make it about you, don't make it about nanny, focus on your desire to have support from your nanny to give your kid what she needs.
And if that doesn't work then you need to look for a new Nanny and screen carefully for all of your needs.
Anonymous
09/12/2016 14:20
Subject: Nonproactive nanny who won't schedule playdates
Anonymous wrote:It'll be easier for you to schedule the entire week on Sundays. Just write out the weekly schedule - Monday - music class, then lunch, nap, then playground. Tuesday - meet up with Toby for playdate at Blah Park, then lunch, nap, then story time. Wednesday - tumbling , lunch, nap, whatever.
MB here - this is what I do. Unfortunately, you will have to be more proactive if you want to keep her as your nanny.
Anonymous
09/12/2016 13:53
Subject: Nonproactive nanny who won't schedule playdates
I just saw your post about flexible hours. What does that mean? You may be right -- you're paying for something that's hard to find, which limits your pool.
That said, it's not that hard to find someone who likes to be sociable. Most nannies want to get out of the house!
That said, it's not that hard to find someone who likes to be sociable. Most nannies want to get out of the house!
Anonymous
09/12/2016 13:52
Subject: Nonproactive nanny who won't schedule playdates
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It sounds like she's best with infants, who don't go out and socialize.
What does she say when you talk to her about this?
I don't think her approach is "wrong," but it's not what you want. It may be that you are not a good match anymore. 6 months is a long time to work on something that doesn't seem to be changing.
When I ask her to do something I've asked before, she just says okay, acts normal as though it's the first time I'm asking her. If I mention that this is the 2nd (or 3rd) time I'm asking, she'll look sorry, repeat she'll do it and that's it, no apology or explanation. Maybe 3 times, I have had a talk with her, saying it is not acceptable that this keep happening and asking for an explanation. Those times, she gets upset-looking and quiet, gives a quick okay then goes back to the dishes or whatever it is she's doing but I know she's still upset. I have tried different approaches, such as saying to her in a positive not upset way, hey I notice that X keeps happening and I'm wondering if I am not being clear enough in my instructions? Is there anything I or we can do to keep this from happening in the future? Even those times when the tone of the conversation is constructive and she is not upset, she is still non responsive. She will just say "no there's nothing, I just forgot/made a mistake/etc" which doesn't help me. 't I really just don't know how to get through to her. She has worked at daycares, but comes across as someone who has never had a real job and therefore, does not know what it means to be or act professional.
What she's telling you through her silence is that she can't do these things. Maybe she's shy and doesn't want to call people or be around people she doesn't know. Maybe she has a hard time thinking ahead (ADD?). Maybe she is just terrible at planning out a schedule. Maybe she has no work skills at all, and can't figure out how to write down a list or look at a calendar.
Whatever it is, you have tried and it isn't working. That is the conversation you need to have with her, and then you need to give her a long notice period and some severance to be nice if she hasn't found a new job yet, and you need to move on. She sounds like someone who is good with infants.
Anonymous
09/12/2016 13:37
Subject: Nonproactive nanny who won't schedule playdates
Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm a little confused as to why you are so hung up on playdates specifically. Why is it insufficient for DC to socialize with children at these other activities? If she goes to story time at the same library every week, she's going to have plenty of chances to play with the same group of kids and will build friendships that way.
But that said, I don't think it's unreasonable to ask of your nanny. I certainly plan daily outings as well as indoor sensory projects with my 1yo charge daily. I also make just under $900 a week--not epic for this area, but pretty solid. If you are paying at the low end of the scale, and your only issue has the simple workaround that you have to plan activities yourself, then you just need to figure out whether you can find someone better in that range. If you are paying $750 or higher, then I would definitely expect more. Either way, before moving on to a new nanny think through all of your needs and priorities so that you don't end up switching again soon.
Story times are not the same thing as playdates; the free play aspect is really short, like 15 minutes. When I schedule playdates for DD, they used to be shorter when she was younger, but now they are typically over an hour long. And unlike story time, which is 20-30 kids, our playdates are with maybe 2-3 other kids. I can tell that DD is like me, she likes being with others, but she is a natural introvert and prefers very small groups. When it's a big group, e.g., story time, she gets overwhelmed and keeps her distance from the other kids.
I am paying the nanny market rate for an experienced, good nanny, but not Mary Poppins. I expect a good nanny to be able to schedule some playdates. I am not even being demanding about the details, just that she schedule them! I definitely could find a better nanny at this pay range, but the problem is that I believe it will be hard to find someone who is flexible like she is about hours and such. Maybe I am being obstinate and unrealistic about the nanny and that she is set in her ways, but I feel like if I say the "magic words," i.e., find the right way of getting through to her, we should be able to solve this problem and continue employing her. Just wish I knew what those magic words are!
Anonymous
09/12/2016 13:16
Subject: Nonproactive nanny who won't schedule playdates
Anonymous wrote:It sounds like she's best with infants, who don't go out and socialize.
What does she say when you talk to her about this?
I don't think her approach is "wrong," but it's not what you want. It may be that you are not a good match anymore. 6 months is a long time to work on something that doesn't seem to be changing.
When I ask her to do something I've asked before, she just says okay, acts normal as though it's the first time I'm asking her. If I mention that this is the 2nd (or 3rd) time I'm asking, she'll look sorry, repeat she'll do it and that's it, no apology or explanation. Maybe 3 times, I have had a talk with her, saying it is not acceptable that this keep happening and asking for an explanation. Those times, she gets upset-looking and quiet, gives a quick okay then goes back to the dishes or whatever it is she's doing but I know she's still upset. I have tried different approaches, such as saying to her in a positive not upset way, hey I notice that X keeps happening and I'm wondering if I am not being clear enough in my instructions? Is there anything I or we can do to keep this from happening in the future? Even those times when the tone of the conversation is constructive and she is not upset, she is still non responsive. She will just say "no there's nothing, I just forgot/made a mistake/etc" which doesn't help me. 't I really just don't know how to get through to her. She has worked at daycares, but comes across as someone who has never had a real job and therefore, does not know what it means to be or act professional.
Anonymous
09/11/2016 20:04
Subject: Nonproactive nanny who won't schedule playdates
OP, I'm a little confused as to why you are so hung up on playdates specifically. Why is it insufficient for DC to socialize with children at these other activities? If she goes to story time at the same library every week, she's going to have plenty of chances to play with the same group of kids and will build friendships that way.
But that said, I don't think it's unreasonable to ask of your nanny. I certainly plan daily outings as well as indoor sensory projects with my 1yo charge daily. I also make just under $900 a week--not epic for this area, but pretty solid. If you are paying at the low end of the scale, and your only issue has the simple workaround that you have to plan activities yourself, then you just need to figure out whether you can find someone better in that range. If you are paying $750 or higher, then I would definitely expect more. Either way, before moving on to a new nanny think through all of your needs and priorities so that you don't end up switching again soon.
But that said, I don't think it's unreasonable to ask of your nanny. I certainly plan daily outings as well as indoor sensory projects with my 1yo charge daily. I also make just under $900 a week--not epic for this area, but pretty solid. If you are paying at the low end of the scale, and your only issue has the simple workaround that you have to plan activities yourself, then you just need to figure out whether you can find someone better in that range. If you are paying $750 or higher, then I would definitely expect more. Either way, before moving on to a new nanny think through all of your needs and priorities so that you don't end up switching again soon.
Anonymous
09/11/2016 18:18
Subject: Nonproactive nanny who won't schedule playdates
Anonymous wrote:It'll be easier for you to schedule the entire week on Sundays. Just write out the weekly schedule - Monday - music class, then lunch, nap, then playground. Tuesday - meet up with Toby for playdate at Blah Park, then lunch, nap, then story time. Wednesday - tumbling , lunch, nap, whatever.
I hope she's not paying a lot for this ... This is what my nanny's job is!
Anonymous
09/11/2016 15:20
Subject: Nonproactive nanny who won't schedule playdates
It'll be easier for you to schedule the entire week on Sundays. Just write out the weekly schedule - Monday - music class, then lunch, nap, then playground. Tuesday - meet up with Toby for playdate at Blah Park, then lunch, nap, then story time. Wednesday - tumbling , lunch, nap, whatever.
Anonymous
09/11/2016 15:15
Subject: Nonproactive nanny who won't schedule playdates
It sounds like she's best with infants, who don't go out and socialize.
What does she say when you talk to her about this?
I don't think her approach is "wrong," but it's not what you want. It may be that you are not a good match anymore. 6 months is a long time to work on something that doesn't seem to be changing.
What does she say when you talk to her about this?
I don't think her approach is "wrong," but it's not what you want. It may be that you are not a good match anymore. 6 months is a long time to work on something that doesn't seem to be changing.
Anonymous
09/11/2016 14:19
Subject: Nonproactive nanny who won't schedule playdates
Our 18 month old daughter has had a nanny since the beginning of the year. She is just okay. She is not proactive about taking DD to different activities or scheduling playdates. If I remind her there is a story time that day or ask her to take DD to the library, she will do it that day, but that's it, she very rarely will take the initiative to go on her own. I have tried to make clear (maybe I'm not??) that DD's activities are HER responsibility and that she should take DD to different places without me saying anything, but she simply won't. What I have had to resort to is suggesting to her on a daily basis an activity for that day before I leave in the morning. It kind of sucks but I do it because I feel like I have to. So we've been managing so far tolerably with my daily suggestions EXCEPT for playdates. She just will not schedule them, period. We live in a condo complex full of young kids and their nannies and she is friendly with those nannies. I have asked her to exchange #s with the nannies, she did so with one, and that's it, even though I've told her she needs to do so with other nannies and have even suggested which ones, i.e., the nannies of DD's friends. I have also asked her to take DD to local playgrounds so she can meet other nannies and arrange playdates that way, but she hasn't so far. It has been six months that I've been asking and she has not! I am getting really sick of this. I can only speculate why DD's nanny doesn't fulfill her duties, I think what it comes down to is she's not proactive in general, she doesn't take certain duties (namely activities & playdates) seriously, and she's perfectly happy to keep DD to herself 95% of the time. She seems somewhat clueless in that sometimes, I will give her a very black and white instruction to be done ASAP and she will still mess it up. I think she has her way of doing things and looking at things and it is hard for her to adapt to what an employer wants, she had a pretty limited job history before coming to us.
She does have her positive qualities, which is why I haven't fired her already. But I am reaching my tipping point and thinking very seriously about replacing her. I would like to give her one more opportunity to shore up and do better with these job duties, but I simply do not know how to get through to her. Any suggestions on getting through to someone like this in this situation??
She does have her positive qualities, which is why I haven't fired her already. But I am reaching my tipping point and thinking very seriously about replacing her. I would like to give her one more opportunity to shore up and do better with these job duties, but I simply do not know how to get through to her. Any suggestions on getting through to someone like this in this situation??